Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

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The three teenagers decided to head back to the B&B, and agreed on returning in the morning as they needed to be back in the music room. Hannah put her trust in Google Maps to get her back home.

There was a garden out back of the B&B, so they let Blue run around there for the time being before they headed back the next day. He wouldn't leave Hannah alone, and he also had soft spots for Clay and Jessica. They weren't anticipating going home, as everything felt so perfect for once as it was. No Bryce Walker, no jocks, just no drama. Just three friends and a puppy dog.

The following morning, they packed their stuff and put the leash on Blue, and headed out the door. When they sat in, Jessica looked at her phone and gaped.

"Shit. Guys, look at this!", she said handing the phone to Hannah.

"Crestmont Teen Attempts Suicide, In Critical Condition", she read, and beside the headline was a picture of Alex Standall.

"Holy shit.", Clay whispered.

"Read it!", Hannah said as she handed the phone back to Jessica.

"16 year old Alex Standall of Liberty High shot himself in the head on Monday evening, 2nd of February, 2017. He's in critical condition. In a note, he explained not being able to help 3 individuals, who can only be identified as J, H and C. Only time will tell if Alex will make it. Keep him in your prayers."

Hannah hit her head against the steering wheel, beeping the horn, which startled Blue a bit.

"For fuck sake.", she muttered, then felt anger rise up in her throat.

"FOR FUCK SAKE!", she screamed, banging her head against the steering wheel before Clay caught her.

"Its not you're fault, Hannah, its not your fault.", he said, stroking her hair reassuringly.

Jessica undid her seatbelt and reached over to join the embrace. Even Blue got in on it. The four of them stayed like that for a while until Hannah felt better and started to drive.

A few hours later

They finally arrived home. Well, to Hannah's house. They checked the time. 5:30. Hannah held onto Blue's leash as they headed in the door. They saw Mrs Baker storming towards them.

"Where the hell were you guys?", she almost yelled.

"We just had to leave town for a few days, to clear our heads. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I was upset, and so were Jess and Clay, so we just kind of took off.", Hannah said nervously, spinning the leash around her hand.

"And you come back when Alex Standall has killed himself and with a dog?!", her mother yelled, and they were all silent for a minute.

"Alex is dead?", Jessica asked quietly.

"He died this morning. He's lucky he managed to hold on for long as he did. I'm so sorry, you guys."

They said nothing as Hannah picked up Blue in her arms and they headed up to her room.

Hannah lay on her bed, still holding Blue.

"Are you OK, Hannah?", Jessica asked, getting no reply.

Clay pretended to get a text from his mother and left. She wanted to give Hannah time alone.

"You can go as well, if you want.", Hannah said to Jess quietly as Blue slept on her chest.

Jess shook her head and lay next to Hannah.

"I'm staying. I'm keeping you safe. I'm not leaving tonight.", she said as she took Hannah's hand in hers.

Hannah nodded and she began crying into Blue's neck and squeezed Jessica's hand. They stayed like that for hours until they all fell asleep.

The next morning

Hannah took her hand from Jessica's, took Blue off of her body and stretched. She looked all around her room and even though nothing had moved, she felt so different from the happy, hopeful, joking girl she was just 24 hours ago. She couldn't believe Alex was gone. He was Jessica's first kiss, and he was a nice guy overall. Hannah was hoping to reconcile with Alex when she arrived home, but it would never happen.

She sat up on the edge of her bed and buried her head into her arms. She looked between the gap that her arms and legs were making and saw it.

The box of razor blades.  

She picked it up and stared at them for a minute. She then looked back at Jessica, who had stayed all night so she would be safe and happy. Jessica could practically read minds in a situation like this, and she knew that Hannah was feeling suicidal after the news of Alex. She shook her head and put the box back up on the dresser.

"Morning Hannah.", she heard Jessica say beside her.

"Morning Jess.", Hannah replied.

Jessica then picked up Blue and came over beside her.

"Are you OK?", she asked, handing Blue to her.

"Second person I know who's died from suicide. Am I a shitty person, if I basically caused two people to d-", she said, before Jessica interrupted her.

"You did not cause any of those deaths. Leah and Alex, as lovely as they were, they took their own lives. I didn't know Leah, but I do know that you meant a great deal to her if she's the one who bought you the piano. And neither you or I or Clay are responsible for what happened to Alex. I'm in complete shock myself. I didn't think he was capable of doing something like that. I remember when he wouldn't even watch a film with gun violence because he was afraid of them.", Jessica said as she put an arm around Hannah.

"I'm just scared now. What if something happens to you, or Clay, or my parents, or even little Blue? What if for some reason I do something to myself?", she said in between tears.

"You won't, because I won't let you. And you're never going to lose us. We love you so much, Hannah. All of us.", Jess said as she held Hannah tighter. 

Hannah nodded her head and they stayed like that for a while.

A few months later

9th of October, 2017

Hannah arrived into school looking happy, and Clay and Jessica looked at her in awe. It had been ages since they had seen her look this happy. She was handing something back to Tony and then she wrote notes in her notepad. Then, she walked over to Jessica and Clay.

"Hey, bandmates!", she said brightly.

"Are you alright, Hannah?", Clay asked.

"I'm fine, more than fine.", she replied.

Clay and Jessica eyed her suspiciously, and they started walking to class.

"Hey, guys. I'm going home early today so you guys can pop in after school for practice. I'll be there.", she said, as she began walking away from them.

"OK. We love you, Hannah."

"Love you too, bandmates."

She sighed as she headed to the counsellors office. She heard the bottle of Paracetamol that she nicked from her parents shop rattle in her bag. Clay and Jessica looked back at her and Hannah gave them a small wave. When they were gone, Hannah slipped notes into their lockers and headed to Mr Porter's office.