Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

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5 hours later

Jessica and Clay met in the parking lot after school to head to Hannah's house for band practice and for their daily hangout. They had read the notes in their lockers, that simply said "I'm sorry" on Jessicas, and, "Take me back to the night we met" on Clay's.  They hadn't left Hannah's words to them leave their minds. Jessica was thrilled that Hannah had chosen her as she had always loved her more than anything, but she was very worried about her. She had noticed how pale she was looking, and how empty she sounded. She hoped and prayed that she would be able to go into the music room and kiss her again, because if anything had happened, she wouldn't be able to live with herself. When she sat in Clay's car, she felt something underneath her. She realised it was something in her pocket.

She reached in and took it out. It was a piece of paper with her name followed by two kisses, in Hannah's famous handwriting. She froze.

"Clay....", she whispered softly, and he turned to her from his phone.

He also froze when he saw the handwriting. Jessica unfolded it, and began to read it out.

Dear Jess,
Just out of Mr Porter's office. We can't get justice. I'm so sorry. There's a gift on Leah's piano. You'll understand when you get home. I love you.
Hilary.
XX

Jessica looked up from the note and felt her heart pound in her chest, as if it was about to explode. She folded it up and put it back in her pocket.

"Clay, drive as fast as you can. I think Hannah's in trouble.", she said, beginning to panic.

Clay started the engine and drove as fast as he could to Hannah's house. When they arrived, Jessica ran into the music room, over to the piano and found a tape and a folded up piece of paper. Clay followed after her. Jessica picked up the note with fear, and unfolded it.

Dear bandmates,
After thinking long and hard for months, I've made the decision to take my own life. You guys mean everything to me, and I love you both so much, but I can't face him for another 8 months. Jess, you already know what I'm talking about. Helmet, if you want to know, press play
First off, I want to say something directly to you, Jessica. You've always been the one, ever since we made up again. You were the first girl I ever loved, and the main reason I came to  terms with my sexuality. You're funny, and smart, and beautiful, and kind, and thoughtful, all the things I could never be, and never would be. I've only loved two people in my life, and you were one of the main reasons I kept going for that much longer. I'll miss our incorrect naming and our band practice, our kisses. I'm so sorry I let you down that night. I couldn't live with what I did. But if you ever need me, simply listen to our song. Haunt//Bed. The song we fell in love to. See you, Jezebel.
Now onto you, Helmet. You were my first kiss, my first love, my boyfriend. You could have the argument that Matty Healy was my first crush, but who doesn't fancy him? You were the only good guy I knew, and you were the most talented guitarist I ever met. You will be huge someday, I know you will be. You're funny, courageous, adorable, strong and sweet. I know you'll be angry when you hear what's on the second side of the tape, but please don't do anything. I'd hate that. Please stay safe.
There's a tape next to this letter, and its the explanation why I did what I did, and a song. I'm sorry for everything I did to you guys. Stay safe, fall in love, and as Queen say, The show must go on. Please don't stop the band. It was my everything. I love you guys so much.
Hannah.

Jessica and Clay's eyes grew wide with fear. Jessica dropped the note. Their worst fear was coming alive.

Jessica ran up the stairs, and started calling Hannah's name frantically. She opened every door on the floor, and was beginning to cry. She opened the bathroom door and fell to the floor at the sight of her crush in the bath, with pills surrounding her, with no life in her. She began bawling her eyes out, and she got herself up and went over to her.

"D-don't worry, love, you'll be OK.", she said as she tried to lift her body out, and she noticed the cuts and bruises on her body.

She picked up one of her arms and put her pointer and middle fingers against her wrist to try and get a pulse. None.

She carried the same procedure on her neck. Nothing again.

She collapsed onto the floor with her hands up to her mouth. She let the tears fall freely. She heard Clay come into the room.

"Jess! Is she- Oh my God.", he said, his voice shaking at the last sentence.

"Y-you call 911 and I'll get Olivia and Andy.", Clay said as he ran out the door and down the street.

Jessica grabbed her phone and put in the number.

"911, what's your emergency?", the man on the other end said.

"It's, um, its my girlfriend. I think she's tried to commit suicide. You need to get someone over here right now.", she said panicking.

"Alright, stay calm. We'll have an ambulance over there right now. Tell me the address and I'll send someone over right now."

Jessica gave her the address and they ended the call. She looked at Hannah in the bath and couldn't hold back the tears.

"Oh, Hannah.", she whimpered as she placed her hands on her shoulders, "Please wake up. I wanna hold you and kiss you and drink Sprite and eat junk food with you and play music with you and stare in your eyes as our song plays in the background. This can't be the end. No, I refuse. I'll kill Bryce, I'll rip his retarded head off of his body. He should be the one hurting, not you. You're so beautiful. Why would you do this? Why didn't you tell us you were hurting that badly? I'd go to the ends of the universe to help you and make you the happiest girl on the planet. Fucking wake up!"

Her voice started breaking. Hannah wasn't waking up, and she never would again. She broke down, but never took her hands off of Hannah. She never wanted to stop holding her. She pressed her forehead against hers and pressed her lips against hers. They were as cold as ice. She refused to believe she was gone, but deep down, she knew it was true.

Mrs Baker came bursting in the door. She pulled Jessica off of Hannah and began crying. Jessica couldn't take it anymore. She ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs, bumping into a paramedic. She ran over to her house, up the stairs and slammed the door. She pushed all the stuff off of her desk, but bent down and picked up a picture.

It was of her and Hannah at the Pride Parade, Hannah giving her a playful kiss on the cheek and the two of them laughing, and Clay was in the background grinning and drinking a soda. She stared at it and began to cry. She lay onto her bed, hugging the photo and bawling, inconsolable.