Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

²8

Warning: Themes of sexual assault

2 weeks and a few days later

It was the first Saturday of the school year, and it was being held at Jessica's house. It was going to be Clay and Hannah's first party, but Jessica went to a lot of them in the time that she, Hannah, Clay and Alex had their falling out. She was mainly hosting it so she could do something for Hannah, but everyone ended up coming. Hannah and Clay arrived early to help set everything up. As much as Hannah hated to admit it, this would be her first time drinking alcohol, as she, Clay and Jessica were always attached to a can of Sprite as they wrote down and composed a new song.

When everyone started arriving, they were disgusted to see Bryce walk in the door. They decided that they'd just stick together and stay out of his way while he got drunk with the rest of the jocks.

They stayed in their own part of the room and drank their sodas and chatted for the night. When Jessica asked did they want a beer, they accepted. Clay was a bit nervous, but Hannah wasn't. She wasn't excited, but she just didn't feel anything that night. She was a bit asleep, and her heart felt dark and empty. The love for Clay and Jessica was still there, but other than that, her heart and soul felt empty. She felt completely lost with all these people getting drunk and having sex on the couches. She snapped out of her daze when Jessica handed her the red cup. 

She drank down the liquid and then went to get another one for her, Clay and Jessica. Before they knew it, the three of them were completely drunk.

When Jessica got up to get another drink, she poured it out and turned around for a minute to talk to Sheri, leaving it on the counter. Little did she know Bryce Walker had opened a packet and poured the entire contents into the cup.

A date rape drug.

She returned to the counter to pick up her drink, and she chugged it down and returned to Clay and Hannah. After a while, she began to feel light headed, and she collapsed in Hannah's arms. Hannah picked her up in her arms and carried her up to her room. She was completely passed out.

She lay her on the bed and tucked her in. Then, she heard footsteps approaching the door, and she felt fear. She jumped into her closet, giggling a small bit at the coming out joke she had made in her head.

Her laughter soon turned to fear, as she heard someone enter the room. She looked out of the closet door to see who it was.

None other than Bryce Walker.

"Hmm, now we finally have some alone time, Davis.", he said as he slurred his speech.

Hannah saw him unzip his pants, and her thought was to open the door and and push him out the window if she could. But all she did was freeze.

He started to pull down Jessica's jeans and underwear, still unconscious. Hannah felt the urge to scream, but not even a squeak came out.

He bent over Jessica's unconscious body and started to push himself inside of her. Hannah moved her hand to the handle, ready to jump out, but she had gone numb.

He started moaning as he pushed in and out of her, and she began waking up.

"Hannah - Wait, what are you doing?"

"Don't worry, we're just having some fun."

She began crying.

"Please, stop! Hannah, help!"

"Your little girlfriend isn't here. Just shut up."

Hannah started weeping silently. Jessica was calling her for help, and she was there, letting her get raped. She didn't know how she could love her after this.

She passed out again and Bryce continued until he was finished. He zipped up his pants and walked out the door. Hannah heard him high five someone.

When she was certain he was gone, she walked out of the closet and went straight over to Jessica's bin and vomited. She hadn't stopped crying. She looked back at Jessica sleeping, and she put the blanket up over her.

"I'm so sorry, my love.", she half cried, half whispered.

She gave her a shaky kiss on the forehead and rubbed a hand through her hair.

She began walking out the door, and took one last look at her before walking out the door.

She walked slowly down the stairs, and sat by the piano, playing I'm Going Slightly Mad by Queen, missing the correct keys and cords, but her hands wouldn't stop shaking. She eventually got up from the stool and walked towards the door.

Clay began to walk up behind her, but everything sounded muffled, and she couldn't understand a word he was saying. She walked out the door and walked across the road to her house.

Her parents were already asleep and she was greeted to Blue jumping up on her. She gave him a small rub on the neck before pushing him down and walking silently up the stairs. She removed her shoes and clothes, and got into her pyjamas. She went inside of the bed but couldn't get to sleep. The scene kept playing in her mind.

She felt a tremendous amount of guilt for what happened just a half hour ago. She had let down her best friend, and her life was shattered forever. Because of her.

It was that night that she realized that all she did was let her loved ones down. It was that night that she decided that her first party was also her last. She decided that she'd never see Bryce Walker again or anyone. Her life was over, and it had no meaning.

She eventually fell asleep, and knew it was one of the last nights she'd spend in the house. It was that night Hannah Baker decided to take her own life.