Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

³9

7 months later

It was the day before Hannah's service. Mr and Mrs Baker had been contemplating for months whether to have one, but they felt like it was time. Jessica and Clay were asked to do a song together afterwards, because they were her bandmates and best friends. They had been hanging out every day and they were almost like brother and sister now.

Jessica reported Bryce a few days before Hannah's 5 month anniversary. He went to jail for a month, and when he got out, he found out his dad was shot by the mother of one of Bryce's other victims. He hunted her down, but after an explosive showdown, he was shot by the girl he had assaulted. The two women both went to jail on a 4 year sentence.

Jessica became friends with Justin Foley, and she found that he wasn't as bad as you'd think. When she found out about his home life and his own addiction, she helped him get into a rehab facility, as part of her promise to help people out. He kicked his addiction and he came out 6 weeks later as a new man. Clay had gotten used to him and he eventually warmed up to him.

On the day before the service, Jessica went for a walk with Matty and then she heard a familiar voice beside her.

"Hey, Jess."

Jessica smiled up at her.

"Hey. I'm speaking at your service tomorrow. Then Clay and I have to perform a song afterwards. After that, who knows. Its strange, its been 7 months, and I don't feel myself moving on. They say everyday gets easier, but its just been the same. I don't think I'll ever feel at home again.", she admitted.

Hannah bit her lip.

"Do you remember that The 1975 song we danced to at the spring dance? Like, not the cute one, that one we jumped around to, and looked like complete fools?", she said.

Jessica chuckled, remembering the song as Love Me.

"Yeah. Why?"

"No particular reason. I just want you to think of that right now, and how you felt. How we felt."

Jessica smiled and bit her lip.

The next day, at the service

It was time for Jessica to go up and do her speech. She went up onto the alter, up to the mic and cleared her throat nervously. She began.

"Hey guys. We all know why we're here today. To honour a friend. A classmate. A family member. A love interest. A lover. But to us all, she's Hannah. She was hilarious, and confident, and talented, and selfless, and kind, and beautiful. Right up to the very end. I loved her. I loved her so much. She helped me every single day. She was the kindest, most caring person I ever met. She always put the ones she loved before herself, and she spent a lot of her time with music and the people she loved. One time, she started crying because of Marley and Me."

She chuckled and saw Hannah sitting there, smiling up at her. She took a breath and continued.

"That's just proof she was a sensitive, loving person. Unfortunately, that's what killed her. Guilt, because of something that happened to me. I wish I could tell her it wasn't her fault and hold her and tell her everything will be OK, but I can't. She loved me, and I loved her. And I'm proud to say that. I don't know how I'll move on, but Hannah lost her best friend in the whole world, and she still lived her life. So I'm going to follow in her footsteps. I'll never forget her. I'll think of her every day and I'll live life as she would want me to. I don't know where I'm going from here, but wherever I'll go, I'll think of her. So, Hannah, I love you, and I'll never forget you."

She was crying by the end, as it hit her harder than ever that Hannah was gone. She was looking up at her with teary eyes but still smiling. She got up from where she was sitting, and walked out the church door. Jessica watched her, and then she stepped down from the alter and back over to Justin and Clay. Everyone started to clap.

Later on, after the service

Jessica sat down at a table with a can of Sprite in her hand. She looked around her and took a sip. Clay sat at a table with Mr and Mrs Baker and Justin. Jessica needed time to reflect.

A few people came over to compliment her on her speech, but she didn't care. The room of the diner was crowded, but without Hannah there, it felt like she was the only one there, just her and her thoughts.

It was almost time for Clay and Jessica to go up and do the song. They performed Everglow and Swallowed In The Sea by Coldplay. When they finished, everyone started to clap. Jessica and Clay bowed and Jessica went out to the car and sat on the hood.

She pulled her packet of cigarettes from her pocket and she put one in between her lips and lit it. She inhaled deeply and exhaled. She had been smoking for a few months, and even though she knew she should give them up and kick her addiction like Justin did, it helped her with her overwhelming thoughts. And today, she was very overwhelmed.

"That shit will kill you."

Jessica turned beside her and saw Hannah for a second, and saw that it was just Clay.

She sighed and shrugged.

"Whatever goes. Its a coping mechanism. Also, I'm 18 so who the fuck cares what I do now."

Clay sighed.

There was a few moments of silence.

"Do you wanna get out of here? Just, leave this shitty town and everyone in it.", Clay said.

Jessica looked at him and smiled.

"Definitely."

They sat into the car, picked up Matty and drove until the town was far behind them.