Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

¹²

A few days later, the day before Christmas Eve

It was the day of Christmas vacation. Most people were excited for opening presents like the 8 year olds they were, while others were going to see their relatives, and others were going abroad for skiing. Clay and Hannah, however, were just excited to get a 2 week break from everything and everyone, and just watch films and play music. Clay, of course, was excited for the Doctor Who Christmas special, and when he shared that with Hannah, it turned into a debate about whether or not Doctor Who was doomed ever since Matt Smith left. Clay was staying at Hannah's house on Christmas Eve night, as he practically lived there now, and he'd visit his parents the next day.

Clay and Hannah wrapped up on their music for the day and Hannah started to play a random Christmas playlist on her phone. 

"Hey, Helmet?", she asked him as he very badly tried to use a yoyo.

"Yes, Han?", he replied, getting the string of the yoyo all tangled up. Hannah rolled her eyes at him as he tried to untangle it.

"What's your favourite Christmas song?", she asked, as Clay began taking apart the yoyo to try to fix it.

"Oh, close call between Fairytale Of New York and Christmas Lights by Coldplay.", he responded, eventually putting the yoyo back on the locker.

"Fairytale of New York? Very Irish indeed, boy!", Hannah said, doing an Irish accent. Clay rolled his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure, as someone who has a cousin who's Irish, that only people from County Cork speak like that, not the entire population.", he said in a matter of fact voice.

"True, I suppose. I've only been there once, I forget which part though.", Hannah said, laughing at herself. Clay laughed as well.

She put on the song and her and Clay started dancing around to it. When the song was over, Clay looked up at the time. 11:45

"Shit, I better go.", he said, picking up his bag.

"Aw, do you not want to stay the night though, tomorrow's Christmas Eve.", Hannah asked him.

"Do you want your present under the tree tomorrow or not?", Clay asked her, earning another eye roll.

"Fine. Begone, Helmet!", she said in between laughs. Clay laughed as well.

"I will see you tomorrow.", he said, giving her a kiss before walking downstairs and saying goodbye to the Bakers.

He hopped on his bike and went to the 24 hour store downtown. He parked his bike outside and went inside, over to the ATM.

Hannah had told him that the reason why she didn't call the counsellor was because she knew it would cost at least $30 a week and she couldn't be asking her parents for that amount every week, as they were growing short on money.

Clay put the credit card in, punched in the pin and chose withdrawal. He looked down at the keypad. He counted the cost of weekly counselling for a month, which was $1200, then the money for her parents, and put in $1800, so he put in $3000, and when the money came out, he put him in cards he had put in his bag that morning, one addressed to Hannah, and the other to Mr and Mrs Baker. 

He also picked up a tin of biscuits for all of them, and a large bottle Coca-Cola and paid for those.

He put the bag with the other gifts on the handlebars and cycled home. He saw that his parents were home and he walked in the door. He took a roll of wrapping paper up to his room with him.

He wrapped the denim jacket he had gotten for Hannah and sellotaped the card onto it. He then wrapped the biscuits and Coke and taped the Bakers card on top.

He placed the gifts on his desk and got into bed, excited for the next day.

Hannah's house

Hannah held the card with the number of the counsellor in her hand and her phone in the other. She shook her head and put it away before she had finished typing out the number. She remembered she didn't have the money so she didn't bother with calling the counsellor. She got into bed, feeling guilt for still not doing it.

She picked up her phone and scrolled through her contacts, and stopped at Leah's name. She still hadn't deleted it. She pressed call.

Hey! Leah here! Can't take your call at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Leave a message!

Hannah breathed in and she went straight to messages.

"Hey, Aunt Leah. Its the night before Christmas Eve. You used to love this time of the year. I still remember the Christmas you gave me that piano. I still play it every day. My boyfriend Clay and I have a band together. ‘Bakers and Helmets’. I love him so much. I've told him about you. He wishes he met you. As for myself, I haven't been doing the best. I almost threw myself off a bridge a month ago, but Clay saved me. I also started self harming but I'm nearly 3 weeks clean so yay me, I guess. My new years resolutions are to stop doing it and to finally call that counsellor that Clay gave me the number of. Even though I don't have the money, I need to keep my promise to you, even though I haven't been doing the best job. I'm sorry. I really miss you. I think of you every single day, and I think I'd be coping better with the bullying and objectifying if you were here. Clay's great, but there's no one like Leah Baker. Happy Christmas. I love you."

She was crying by the time she ended the message. She knew her aunt would never get the message, but she needed to say it out loud.

She fell asleep a while later, looking forward to Christmas, but still having that one large peice of her heart empty and dark.