Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

²9

The following Monday

Hannah called in sick because she couldn't face school after the previous night. She got texts from Jessica and Clay throughout the day, but she couldn't bring herself to reply. She was almost certain Jessica had no idea what had happened to her. She knew she had to tell her, but how exactly does one tell their best friend they witnessed them getting raped and didn't do shit?

She lay in bed all day, doing absolutely nothing besides listening to music and thinking about what happened, and how and when she was going to do what she was going to do. There was something holding her back, and she couldn't put her finger on it.

When school was over, Clay and Jessica came straight over. They burst into her room, with Blue behind them.

"Oh, hey guys.", Hannah said with no expression.

"Jesus, where were you today? We were so worried about you. No word from you yesterday. Are you OK?", Jessica said rushing over to her.

"I'm fine. I just needed a day off, something we all need.", Hannah said, feeling guiltier with each word.

There was a pause, then Hannah decided to do what she had to do.

"Jess, can we talk in private for a minute?", she asked nervously.

"Sure. Clay, can you give us a moment?", Jessica said, and Clay nodded and went downstairs.

"So, little girl, whatcha wanna talk about?", Jessica asked with a smile but also concern.

"Uh, do you remember what happened on Saturday night?", Hannah asked nervously.

"Um, I got drunk. I passed out. And when I woke up, you were gone. So was Clay. Pretty much it."

Hannah sighed and edged up further on her bed.

"Jess, something happened. And I'm the only one who's going to tell you.", she said nervously.

"OK. What happened?", Jessica asked, getting worried now.

Hannah began to cry.

"Its- its Bryce. He.....did something to you.", she stuttered in between tears.

"What did he do?", Jessica asked, her eyes widening.

"He - he - ra- he fucking raped you.", Hannah said, breaking down.

Jessica stood up from the bed, and looked all around the room, then sat back down.

"Please tell me you're lying.", she whispered, tightening her eyes shut.

"I really, really, really wish I was. I wish I was pulling a big prank on you. But its true. I'm so sorry, Jess. This is why I couldn't speak to you.", Hannah said, the tears flowing out of her eyes.

"H-how do you know?", Jessica asked.

"I was in the closet. I brought you up, tucked you in, and just as I was leaving, I heard footsteps. I freaked and locked myself in your closet. Then, when it happened, I wanted to scream. I wanted to push him out of the window. I wanted to kill him. But I just froze. Like the idiot I am. When I managed to get up, he was gone, and all I did was walk home. I wish I did something. I wish it was me he destroyed, not you. When I see him again, I'll murder him with my bare hands. I'll serve my time and even if my future gets fucked up, I couldn't care less. I'm so sorry, Jess. I love you more than anything but I let you down. I'm not surprised if you hate me now because I hate myself. I'm a stupid bitch who let her best friends life get taken away while I was there crying like a baby. I'm so fucking sorry.", Hannah explained, breaking down as Jessica caught her in her arms.

"Its not your fault, my love. You didn't put yourself inside of me while I was unconscious. You did all you could. Thank you for being honest with me. It makes you a fantastic friend that you told me that. My life will never be the same again but I love you for telling me. Just, please, don't tell anyone else yet. I'm not ready for the world to know. Its between us for now. Promise?"

"I promise."

They hugged each other for a while, and it was a moment of comfort for the both of them. When they broke apart, Jessica leaned in and kissed her. Hannah didn't have the energy to feel shocked but she knew that she wanted to kiss her, but didn't know if it was appropriate. When they pulled away from each other, Jessica took her hand in hers.

"That's for being the best friend a girl could ask for.", she said as she rested her head on her shoulder.

Hannah placed her head on hers, and despite it all, she still felt extremely guilty. She thought Jess would be better off loving someone else and having a better best friend. For now though, she took in the moment, and tried to be a good friend, whatever that meant anymore.