Its Not Living (If Its Not With You)

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Warning: Themes of sexual assault

When Jessica went home at 9 o clock that night, Hannah pulled out her phone. She googled, how much is a weeks worth of paracetamol, and the answer was 56. Hannah sighed and put the phone under her pillow, and tried her best to fall asleep. She eventually ended up getting to sleep at around 4 o clock.

She knew it was a common behavior of someone who's depressed or suicidal to have trouble sleeping, but Hannah was someone who loved her sleep. When she was between the ages of 12 and 15, she would sleep for the day if you asked her. Then again, being happy is very common in someone who isn't depressed or suicidal, and that's something she hadn't felt in months.

The next day, she went into the hair salon and cut off most of her hair.

2 weeks later

It was the last Saturday of September, and nearly all of Hannah's fire was quenched. She had gone back to school but she was constantly zoning out or falling asleep, or running to a toilet to vomit when she saw Bryce. Jessica would start shaking when she saw him or heard his name. He would simply wink at her, and it would take Hannah whatever she had left in her to not rip his sick head off of his body.

On this Saturday, also known as the second worst day of Hannah's life, Clay and Jessica were over all day. Through it all, Hannah still found time for music, and for Jess and Clay. She had the feeling that there was still a tiny bit of room to heal, but the tiniest inconvenience was bound to push her over the edge.

She was on her way to the bank to put in money for her parents, and on the way, she stopped at the convenience store to get food for Blue. By accident, she had left the money on the roof of the car.

When she came back, she noticed something was up. She then searched frantically around and in the car, cursing under her breath. Someone must've taken it or it blew off, seeing it was a bit of a windy day.

She sat back in the car, and put her head against the steering wheel and started to weep. After a while, she eventually turned on the engine, and slowly drove home.

When she arrived in the door, she heard the sounds of guitar playing and drums banging. She cracked the tiniest smile, noting how well her friends sounded.

She began to sniffle a bit though. Her parents were off today and if they were working, it would at least give her 4 hours to come up with some bogus excuse, but she had to come clean.

"Mom, Dad?", she called, and Clay and Jessica stopped playing.

They came up to her.

"What, sweetie?", her mother asked her.

"I lost it.", she said quietly.

Her mother then grew angry, which startled Hannah as she hadn't seen her angry since the day of her 15th birthday.

"You lost it?!", she almost yelled, "Hannah! I thought you were more responsible than this!"

"I'm so sorry, I'll do anything to get it back. I'll walk the neighbours dogs, I'll start doing piano lessons-", Hannah cried before she was interrupted.

"No, Hannah. It's fine. Don't worry. Just go up to your room."

Hannah turned away with tears in her eyes and went up to her room. After an hour of listening to her parents arguing and trying to drown it out with The 1975, Jessica and Clay came upstairs.

"Are you OK, kid?", Clay asked as they sat on her bed.

"I'm OK. I'll live.", Hannah said quietly.