Verity's Book 2.0

Highlights of TT

Someone asked for this... so here are some snippets of the running commentary for the last two LOTR movies, premiere of December 2018, courtesy of the six oldest Buchanan children.

Two Towers kicks off with Frodo reliving Gandalf's fall at Khazad-dum in some sort of memory/dream/vision/whatever, and all the watchers take note of the one brief glimpse of Boromir that they will get in this movie. There is some side discussion of Gandalf's impressive Skillz at fighting a white-hot Balrog while plummeting at breakneck speed down a chasm.

Frodo wakes up. Slight groans ensue.

The monotony of the Emyn Muil travels is alleviated by the advent of Gollum.

Sibling, as Gollum comes crawling down the cliff: "He's wearing a -- a loincloth."

Me: "Would you rather he wasn't?"

We cheer Frodo as he shows Gollum who's boss. All non-wimp Frodo moments are worthy of recognition. We also note the discrepancy of Gollum's oath, which he swears "on the Precious" as opposed to the book where Frodo commands him to swear NOT "on the Precious" but "by the Precious".

We let no discrepancy slip.

Transfer to the opposite side of the Anduin. Orc: "Manflesh!"

Sibling: "Is he smelling Aragorn's sweat?"

I died laughing.

I have two siblings who do daily runs. Much of the Three Hunters' scenes were punctuated with loud "#relatable" groans from said runners, especially when Gimli said anything at all.

13-year-old(one of the runners): "Look at his body composition, man. It really says a lot for how much stamina he has that he's able to keep up over three days like this."

The Two Towers is also Legolas' best movie of the three IMO. He gets, like, literal interaction with Aragorn(if nobody else). Still, a couple of his lines come out with hysterical weirdness. The way he says "They run as if the very whips of their masters were behind them", for instance. The emphasis and the tone just rub me the cOMPLETELY wrong way. It's like he didn't know how to say it. So we all get a couple of laughs at Leggy's expense.

Aragorn's wild yell at the orc burn-pile usually draws an awkward and sympathetic silence. However, me, Mercy, and Peace learned the story of how he broke his toe while kicking the orc-helmet, and as a result poorly stifled laughter breaks out from our quarter. We explain to the clueless siblings, and rewind and watch it again so all of us can appreciate the howl of pain to the fullest.

Aragorn & Co. meet Gandalf the White. Someone (probably me) inevitably remarks, "Why does he have to disguise his voice to sound like Saruman?"

Gandalf: "Yes, that's what they used to call me. Gandalf."

Me and Mercy, as Silmarillion geeks, knowingly observe: "Yeah, Galadriel probably called him Olorin."

Wormtongue tries to build some rapport with Eowyn. We all agree that he does not have particularly effective flirting methods.

Frodo and Sam and Gollum crawl along. Frodo has a few more trances/seizures. It's getting to the point where you can't tell when he's actually happy, if ever, because even when he smiles, that worry line between his eyes just gets bigger. The Witch-King wheels over the Dead Marshes, and I get a kick out of imagining him as the General riding his dragon.

"Our time here is ending. Arwen's time is ending." Yay. Back to whispery Arwen and boring non-canon mischief.

Scene where Gimli falls off his horse and Eowyn helps him up:

Me: "She's patting him, she's literally patting him."

Mercy: "She thinks he's a puppy."

The fight en route to Helm's Deep is non-canon but I enjoy it because fun character interaction and angst. Groans erupt as Arwen kisses Aragorn in a vision and then turn to happy sighs as the horse appears. Aragorn with horse is much better than Aragorn with Arwen.

Faramir comes on the scene.

Faramir.

The supreme failure of the Two Towers.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Meanwhile, at Helm's Deep, the elves arrive. Me and Mercy, who have adopted MonsterCupcake61176's theory: "Here come the multiple hallucinations of Legolas."

The orcs follow close behind and work themselves into a battle frenzy. Some unknown, brilliant sibling starts the chant from the Ring of Fire scene in Finding Nemo. Everyone joins in and we lustily shout, "A-oo-wa-hee-a-ho-ho-ho" for a suitable time.

Helm's Deep may be my favorite part of TT. I like it better than the siege of Minas Tirith because it's smaller-scale and more personal. The Rohirrim are the weaker race of men, too, their lifespans shorter, and they end up feeling more immediately relatable to us.

Haldir kicks the bucket.

Me: "Haldir's death kills me, not because he dies, but because of Aragorn's reaction."

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Also. I have seen TT eight times now and I still have not figured out how Gollum's insane argument with his Smeagol side tells Faramir about the Ring. Someone enlighten this here gal.

One way or another, Faramir stalks up to Frodo and pulls the ring out and Frodo has another trance which turns into a shivering sulk in the corner, and Mercy and I make some highly critical comments comparing him to the old version of Fenris. (The old version of Fenris, believe me, was awful)

Gandalf arrives. We get a malicious pleasure out of seeing every millisecond of the orcs' discomfiture and defeat. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT YOU SUCKERS

13-year-old, as the camera shows the charge coming down the steep slope: "And all the horses slid down the hill."

Osgiliath. I always get an icky feeling inside at Osgiliath. For. Crying. Out. Loud. This iS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

"Stay here," says Faramir, pushing Frodo and Sam down.

Us: "Yeah, stay there. PLEASE. Except you won't."

Frodo goes climbing up to say hi how are you to the Nazgul, with six Buchanans naysaying in the background. He pulls out the Ring and practically offers it to the enemy.

Sam saves the day. Six Buchanans give Sam their profuse gratitude.

"By rights we shouldn't even be here."

Me: Bless you, Sam. Bless you. Hit the nail on the head.

Sam's stirring speech makes me want to write Sorrow and Song. This happens every year but this year I'm actually writing Sorrow and Song which makes it even better.

And this turned out to be rather lengthy, and I'm chafing to write Sorrow and Song, so RotK will wait for another day and another chapter in this random book.