Suicidal Dreams

Loss of Control

During our trip back to the diner, I couldn't stop thinking of how weak I've gotten. I loved Kobra Kid very much, whenever we were together I was the most vulnerable. Nothing could change how easily misguided I could be, having Kobra to be a sort of guide was helpful only when it didn't do with our love.

"Shut it off," I said just as a Zeppelin song started to play.

Kobra was hesitant to do what I asked since I was never one to turn off the radio especially during a Zeppelin song. He turned to glance at me with concern, instead of waving him off like usual, I hit the volume knob to shut it off.

I reclined back in the passenger seat, enjoying the silence. Hearing the small pebbles hit the windshield and the side of the car.

Clink.Clink.Clink.

Not long after of me just silently whining we arrived at the diner. By this time the sun was just starting to let itself rise.

I was so entranced by my thinking I flinched when Kobra started to help me out the car by taking my seatbelt off. When did he get out?

"Come on I'll make you one more cup of coffee before you leave."

He let his arm extend outward to help me get out but I didn't move from the car. He crouched down a bit to get a better sense of what I felt at the moment by staring into my eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I flinched again at his touch when he attempted to pull me out of the daze I was in.

"Does it matter?" My harsh side came out this time.

Shortly after this he scuffed at how I was acting, "Get out the car."

My eyebrows pulled in to look at him with utter most disbelief, "no I thought I would stay here!"

His hands hit the top of the Trans Am in desperation leaving them in place to duck his head to stare at the ground as he stretched his arms a bit.

"Please, just for one day can we not," he breathed out.

I shrugged and asked him to move aside for me to get out and walk to the diner. The second we stepped into the diner Party scurried to the front to see what our fussing was about.

"Shouldn't the both of you be all lovey dovey after disappearing to god knows where?" 

Kobra stormed off and pushed aside his brother to head to our room.

I stood in the same place as I was and decided to start packing for my trip. From the back of the counter I grabbed a green backpack to hold multiple cans of power pup and water bottles along with a can opener. I did the same with an other bag for Show Pony but included more stuff.

"Do tell me everything! Kobra won't gossip about his marriage for shit," Party sat himself on of the diner stools to stare at me.

"There's a reason why he doesn't," I lightened up a bit at his bright mood.

My shoulders feel down and I felt myself breath again from how relaxed I was getting. "It's just we finally did it again-"

Part scrunched his nose in disgust, "ew no! Skip the sex!"

I let out a low chuckle that was barely audible.

"You asked!"

He shook his head, letting his red hair fly in every direction.

After this we continued to talk about why I was acting the way I was, Party just said it was alright for me to feel a bit conflicted. Especially since I was leaving for who knows how long and because this was our first time doing it since his death and the affair.

"Do you need the pills?"

Our topic changed once in a while to think of what I had to carry on the trip, such as supplies for when we needed to camp out.

"It's the only way I'm going to make it without the withdrawals killing me."

He was uncertain but placed at least five bottles full of the adrenaline pills into my pack so that he could finally place it in the Trans Am. Before he did I stopped him, so I could think.

"It's safer if we take the bikes, just leave it next to my ride. After this it's going to be a quick stop to Dead Pegasus and then we are off."

It stayed dead silent for a while until Party pulled me into an unexpected hug to say he would miss me. My arms wrapped around him to return the hug and then I broke it off.

"I'll be back, I always come back."

He smiled weakly at my very large optimism I had at the moment. The both of us walked back into the main part of the diner and separarte d ways as we both went to seek two different people who were shitting themselves in the rooms.

I twisted the door knob to my room and entered quietly. The door shut with a click and I made sure it was locked.

"Mikey, I need you to hear me."

Kobra Kid sat on the edge of the bed looking at the splotched carpet beneath his boots and turned his head in my direction after I stopped speaking. He signaled for me to continue what I was going to tell him.

"I love you and I'll miss you like hell when I'm gone, like always. I'm super sorry if I reacted in a way you didn't like after our thing. Right now tho I'm going to leave for some time and I want to say a proper goodbye."

He patted the open spot next to him for me to sit. I did as he told me and let the spot next to him dip from the weight and cringed at the squeak the bed made when I situated myself.

"I love you as well doll and I forgive you sort of but, I know you only acted like that because of everything we've gone through-" he paused briefly to push his hair up and away from his eyes with his hand. "I want you to stay with me here so badly because I'm going to go crazy for sure this time without you, yet I'm letting you go. I do love you and I'll respect your wish to go and I'll just say this, to the end."

His calloused fingers lifted my chin up to give back the eye contact he was trying to give me. As we sat in silence staring into each other's eyes, we both knew I'd return. I closed the gap between us and gave him one of the many last passionate kisses before I left.

"I love you too."

...

A/N: I'm super sorry this took so long! I got caught with some responsibilities over my break and couldn't update as much, hope this is a good enough chapter to pay for the lost time.

Also! This story reached 666 reads this morning and I was quaking because dang, amazing! Now it's risen which I'm thankful for cause this is actually getting read! Let's hope fr 1k soon!!! 😭🥰🙂