Suicidal Dreams

Bulletproof Heart

How did you imagine your life in the future as a kid? I can tell you one thing about mine, it sure as hell wasn't this. It sure as hell wasn't taking orders from others to satisfy them.

What is my motive for everything? Surely there must be a reason for my actions, the un-proper wiring in my mind.

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The Trans Am slowly approached the diner to rest for the night. Kobra Kids motorbike followed behind and was cut off when we exited the vehicle.

Show Pony was in a daze still and made it clear to me he was trying to hide his emotions. The two brothers were no such help seeing as they had their share of grief already.

I'd truly love to help Show Pony but my mind was far too gone, it was building a war zone.

They all piled into a booth as I maneuvered into the back of the diner bar. My body ducked below to a squat position to look at the small storage cubbies better.

I let out an exaggerated exhale as I pulled out a bottle of scotch whiskey for myself.

The boys watched as I popped open the cork from the bottle and toss it aside. Their eyes watched my body as I sat on the countertop of the bar.

"Show Pony I suggest you have a good nights rest seeing as you'll be my eyes."

Kobra gave him directions to Jet Stars old room for him to sleep. He bid a goodnight before leaving the three of us alone in silence.

The liquor in the bottle slushed around as I kept bringing it up to my mouth.

"I should be going-"

I shook my head, "no. You and your brother have to stay to keep hell in order."

Party looked at the bottle in a dark cunning way. The look he gave towards anything before he opened his dirty trap.

"I don't trust you going off into Zone 7, unless you have key points as to why I should even let you walk out of this diner."

My jaw clenched in anger, I took an other swing of the poison in my hand. Clearly looking to burst the bubble of anger I was feeling.

"Poison is right, he has no valid point of mine. Especially since I started taking the stupid adrenaline pills- with this said he has every right to not trust me."

Kobra tugged his eyebrows together, mad and upset.

"Remember when I told you my past was a mess and I'd tell you when the time is right?"

They both nodded, "well now is definitely not the time."

I heaved out a twisted laugh for my amusement. When it came to Zone 7 it always had turned my gears in a sicking way.

I came from Zone 7.

After the fires I fled to Zone 7 in hope that BLI wouldn't take me into the city. They ended up not going to any of the Zones in fact, they started the Helium Wars. Swiped out half our killjoys and took us as prisoners. Then there were those who willingly walked right to the gates of Hell, including me. Along the way I met up with my inside man, Mars Beam, who promised me safety and an escape when everything cooled down out in the Zones.

Took at least a year for my escape to finally happen, I was sent to Zone 7 once again. During my stay there I found it unbearable, the many rules resembling the cities horrified me.

So I took it upon myself to move to Zone 5 after I had enough training. Most of my traits came from this Zone, all my tactics and skills.

I now every cunning, haywire, unfortunate, and angelic person from there. I know every road hell every grain of sand! Most of all I know they did not worship the leaders of the six known zones.

"Look trust me when I say Zone 7 is a place of wonders, a place I grew as a person. Where do you think this impulsiveness, cruelty, and skillfulness comes from?"

They looked at each in speculation.

"Zone 7 trainee! Oi you know how to pick them well brother!" Party remarked rudely.

He got up and snatched the bottle from my hands, only to get a swing in himself.

"Bastard!" I hissed our and looked at Kobra.

"Kid?"

My husband didn't respond, only his looks shown us our place, to shut up. He was the same man when I first met him at my old base, uncertain.

"You're too out of control for anyone to stop you. I have a say in your whereabouts and foolish child's play because we work as a team not as one. You can go but I promise you this, you'll only come back to find nothing of me."

He got up remorsefully and walked away, leaving behind the sound of his worn out boots.

What did I do? Was standing up for my beliefs bad in their eyes? Or am I just an insane lunatic who can't control themselves in any sort of danger? Why couldn't I control my hazardous self?

Kobra's words dung themselves further into my skin, making everyone in me want to scream. Slowly the words just started to crawl and dig further into my body to hit a nerve.

Words always hit a nerve in me, except these words hit the nerve to paralyze me.

Spinning in a daze my mind blurred my surroundings to make me even dizzier. Secluding me from a paradise or  dare I say an oasis.

What in the hell was my mind making me do? It lusted over control and desired the rambunctious life style. As for my heart it wanted to run to Kobra Kid, tell him I'd do anything for him, even go against my own judgment.

Deep down I knew Kobra would hate himself even more for keeping me here. Sure it would seem fine at first, but's that's how we act. We pretend everything is okay...until something triggers us to bring up the past topic.

I'd blame him for misguiding me, letting my emotions get the best of me. He'd only get mad and say it's not his fault that I came running back, sure enough he'd be even more mad if I do go.

Run. Run. Run.

"He's going to hate me if I leave and he'll hate himself if I stay. Might as well kill myself," I laughed at my sense of humor.

Part found my weird way of coping funny as well because he joined in, his contagious laugh making me burst into hysteria.

"There's just something that's telling me to go to Zone 7 even if I hate that place. I have to see what's there even if I'm leaving him behind."

It fell silent once again, Poison's thoughts hovered in the air.

"Then go, I'll take care of all havoc he brings towards you."