My Name Is Vincent Ryan Keller

Chapter Seventeen

What did Catherine had to do with my black outs?

I remembered JT's hypothesis about my repressed frontal lobe. So, when I knew or felt that Catherine was on her way to the warehouse, I beasted out. Why? Was it because her presence made me feel excited and happy? And since frontal lobes controls emotions and mine was repressed then I lost control? That made sense. I badly needed a cure for this then. Catherine and I were just starting. I mean, I gathered. I would not let this condition of mine a hindrance to what we had now.

I missed hanging out with her on the fire escape or on the rooftop. I also missed following her when she was at work and to make sure she was safe. I missed Catherine. I hope JT and I would find something today.

My Catherine-Allergic-Ass.

JT had a crazy suggestion. Since Catherine was the reason of my black outs, why would not we let her come over? If she triggered this, could she be the cure, too? I was not sure about that though. On the other hand, JT was right. She had seen the beast in me and she was still around with us. JT was even ranting about his phone bill soaring high because Catherine checked on me from time to time. The thought made me smile. But what if she could no longer put up with this, of my situation and gave me up? I trust Catherine. She was not going anywhere. But who knew?

Everything made sense now.

We yearn so much to find reasons of these black outs but what we found today was beyond our expectations.

So, we tried this sedative called Lorazepam – sedation for aggressive patients. This drug might have triggered a part of my brain because it made me remember what happened in Afghanistan. What they injected us made us feel stronger and were ready for action. Just what they needed for super soldiers. And then I saw her, the doctor who handled the operation. It was Dr. Vanessa Chandler. Who was she? Well, she was only Catherine's mother.

Seeing Dr. Chandler's face brought me back to present. Two things that JT and I were now worried. These effects… the black outs… Why just now? And Catherine's mother? Oh no. This would not be any good news for her. I did not want to add anymore burden to Catherine. But I understood that we had to tell her. She had the right to know.

She knew all along.

JT was upset. I was, too but I could not be mad at Catherine. I even stopped JT from screaming at her for not telling us that she was told by Muirfield about her mother's involvement. It was an honest mistake, I assumed. Muirfield might just use the idea for Catherine to give me up. I was still protecting Catherine even if she was at mistake, huh? I knew it was obvious. I love her.

This was what I was talking about. Blaming her mother for what they did to us. Her mother might be a part of the operation but she was a good doctor. She was trying her best to fix the side effects. Fatigue, impaired sensory awareness, memory loss… Our DNA was responding differently. She did not know when or why these side effects would show up. She had clean intentions why she joined the project, to protect her daughters. Just any parent would.

Knowing that Catherine was not the reason of my black outs, we no longer have to stay away from each other anymore. That made me breathe easily again.

I felt useless.

What did I do the whole day? Nothing. Catherine and JT were doing the job for me. I caged myself to make sure I would not harm anybody or destroy properties. I just sat on the floor and thought of… I wished maybe for once Catherine could not be a cop and I could not be… what I was. I wished for a normal life where we could go out for a dinner or a movie. I wished I could meet her sister or her dad. I wished I could be friends with her partner and co-workers. Well, I was not sure with the Evan guy but… Could I do more than a wish?

What power did Catherine possessed? She was the only person that could calm me down even if I was in my terminator trance. Her voice. Her touch.

Yep. Another episode for me. One consolation though. I knew now how got my scar.

Our Colonel did this to me. Everybody was in panic. I was looking for Dr. Chandler. I did not know why. Maybe to understand the blood on my hands and what was going on. I saw the Colonel and Dr. Chandler had an argument and he was about to shoot the good doctor. He even called us animals. So I did what an animal would do to him but he left me this scar. I might be an animal but I knew what was right from wrong.

I hurt JT again. Last time, I tossed him and hurt his back from a concrete wall. Tonight, nothing serious but he wounded his hand by some shattered beakers or scraps of metal. He could not remember how he got it. If I could do this to him, I could do this to anyone. It should end now or I end.

Yes, the serum worked. The formula we found on Dr. Chandler's notes was effective. Thanks to JT for studying and analyzing the numbers and equations and to Catherine for taking the risks to know who her mother really was. Yes, no more blackouts. It would not change what I was though. No serum for that.

After all of these, I thought it was time to ease up on the past. Enough of guilt. Vanessa Chandler had no idea what she was getting into. She took care of us very well. She was just put into a dark corner.

I knew Catherine and I have known each other for just a short time but we already build a strong bond. So, when she said, she would make this right, I know she would. Because that was what Catherine was, just like her mother, to protect people they love.

But if I had, I would make the same choice again if it meant I can be in your life. I recalled what I said to her earlier as I watched Catherine drifted to dreamland. She had a very long day. Dream of me, my love.