My Name Is Vincent Ryan Keller

Chapter Twenty-Three

Catherine

What happened to me?

What did Vincent do to me to make me feel… hurt… bad? Why was I affected so much with Alex Salter showing up in the picture? Was I threatened? Hmm… maybe. I was not like this. I never spent sleepless nights crying over some guy and the fact that it was not even clear to us what we really were. Vincent was not the first guy whom I fell in love with. Wait… Did I just say I fell in love with him? Uh… I felt like an idiot.

You see, with my previous relationships, I kept my distance as soon as I found something was not right. I knew when and where to stop. But with Vincent… I did not know. I even "went down memory lane" or "blast from the past" and now that I knew how important and special Alex to him… I realized I was misreading us. There was no Vincent and Catherine. Not even Vincent Zalanski.

Now that I mentioned Mr. Zalanski… I thought of the wedding. It could have been fun, you know, if he stayed. It could have been more than just one dance. I could have introduced him to the people at the party. There would be no car crash. I would not have ended up in New York General. And lastly, Vincent could not have crossed paths with Alex.

Maybe I was bothered with this whole new world because… it was like for me… we were just taking off or about to jump in or to move forward with what we had started. Knowing his background, I knew it would not be a smooth sail for us. But I was willing to try. I had risked a lot for him, anyway. My job, my life, my family and friends. What else could I do to keep him mine?

I hate him. Well, no. Hate was not a good word. Okay. I disliked him and I really wanted to punch him on the face. I knew he was confused and distracted but could he not tell who was more important between Alex and me? I did not want him to choose really. I disliked that idea. But at least could he tell me his plans? Alex might be the love of his life but I was the one who was there on his darkest moments.

I never had been selfish all my life. My parents did not teach me that. I did not know how to act with our situation because I had no idea what we were, where I stand. We never had directions. I could not demand anything because I did not know what right I had.

Should I give him more time? How long? It had been a week and I was sure he spent those times with Alex. One week of no Vincent felt like a month, a year. I missed our conversations and laughter. I missed seeing his shadow when he sits on my window sill. I missed when he taps on my window to let me know he was here.

What should I do? Should I wait? Until when?

Please give me a reason to stay, Vincent.