I'm Not A Girl, I Swear [Discontinued]

II

"Hi, Nick! How was school?"

He felt like he was on enemy territory. A spy in his own house. "Same old, same old," he said, getting a glass of water.

She caught his bruised knuckles on the outside of the glass. "Did you get into another fight?"

He could tell she was trying to sound exasperated, but she couldn't be. "Yeah."

"Did you win?"

"They hardly got a hit on me."

She smiled. "That's my little man."

He drained the glass and headed upstairs, only to find that Clara had been eavesdropping. "Really, Nick? Another fight?"

"I don't need two moms," he muttered, pushing past his sister.

She followed him. "You might, with the job that one's doing. What are you getting yourself into, Nick? Is this who you want to be?"

"It doesn't matter; this is who I am." He turned and got into his room.

"Why is this who you are? You used to be such a happy kid. Now you're... I don't know, I'm worried. It's like you're in a depression."

He sighed. "Why is this who I am? Shut the door."

Clara did so, looking curious.

Nick didn't know what had possessed him today. He was doing so many things he'd never do.

Including actually talking to his sister. Not lying his way through a conversation, but talking to her.

He ran a hand through his hair, not even looking at her. "Clara, I don't start these fights. I can't make it to or from school without being shoved down or punched. It's self defense. I just let mom believe what she wants to."

"Nick-" she started, voice soft.

"I'm not done. Today I was walking home from school, and something caught my eye." He unzipped his backpack, laying the shirt out on his bed.

She cocked her head to the side. "Why does that look familiar?"

"You wanted to know why I am this way. Well, here's your answer." He sat down on his bed, looking down at the ground.

"A shirt?"

"Remember that shopping trip we took, before mom and dad split up? You and Daniel saw this shirt. You both thought it'd look good on me, despite the fact that it's a girl's shirt. Like an idiot, I agreed to try it on and we all loved it."

"Oh! I remember that. But how was that idiotic?"

"Because it's a girl's shirt. That night, mom and dad had an argument." Nick buried his face in his hands, eyes stinging. "They had an argument about this shirt. Mom was saying that it's a girl's shirt, that she- she didn't want me to be some cross-dressing freak."

"Nick..."

"And dad- dad, he disagreed. He said that I should be able to express myself, even if it meant wearing a dress. Mom said that a fit parent wouldn't let their kid do that. He asked what she meant."

There was no use denying it. He was crying now. He hadn't cried in... well, he had forgotten the last time he cried. "It was this, it was me. They broke up because of me. Because I decided I wanted to wear a shirt. And- and I saw it, and I- I just had to buy it. I don't know why."

Clara sat next to Nick, hugging him. "Nick, this is not your fault. They broke up because mom showed him her true colors and he didn't like them. And she didn't like his."

Nick only shook his head, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"But... Nick, have you ever felt like you might be a girl?"