The Ruthless Game

Chapter 29

Chapter 29: "It would hurt less to hear a sounding 'bye', than hear a 'stay' and see in the eyes that it's a lie."

I held her hand, touched the diamond ring on her finger which looked so perfect on her. She turned to me and smiled as I kissed the back of her hand. We were just lying quietly on the back of my pick up while gazing at the stars. 

I brushed my fingers through her hair and leaned closer to kiss her forehead, nose, and lips. "I love you," I muttered.

She got teary eyed and just gave me a smile. My forehead creased a bit. Her smile was different. For some reason, it brought pain to my heart and I didn't know why. She touched my face so gently. Ngumiti ako at mas idinikit ang mukha sa palad niya. 

If there was one thing I would never regret in my life, it was Sandy. I would never regret choosing her. I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her. Naguguluhan pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. There's a part of me that feels something for Addie, but I love Sandy, too. Humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya. 

"There's a shooting star, love," she said. "Let's make a wish!"

Napangiti ako ng mabilis siyang bumangon at pumikit para mag-wish. I did the same. Huminga ako ng malalim at bumaling sa kanya pagkatapos. I caught her staring at me.

"Anong wish mo?" she asked.

"I wished that we'd have a basketball team." She just chuckled softly then looked at the stars again. "What about you? What did you wish for?"

I turned to her again when she didn't answer right away. Huminga siya ng malalim at humiga paharap sa akin. She gave me a pained  smile.

"Hiniling ko na sana.. akin ka na lang ulit." Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti ko. "Na sana ako na lang ulit yung nandito," she said, reaching out to touch my heart. "Yung ako lang. Katulad ng dati."

"Love.." It felt like there was big lump in my throat.

She cupped my face and made me look at her. "Mahal mo siya."

It felt like I was punched in the gut, and air was knocked out me as she said that. I wanted to shake my head and deny it, but one look in her eye and I lost it. She didn't deserve to be lied to. My vision became blurry as tears welled up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry," I muttered. My voice shook as I kept on saying sorry. 

She reached out for my hand, gave it a soft squeeze which was meant to comfort me, and it was more than I could take because I knew how much pain she was in. I knew because it was painful for me, too.

I shook my head as tears rolled down my cheeks. "No! Please no. Please don't do this to me. No. Not like this. Hurt me. Curse me for hurting you. But not like this. Please."

How I wish she'd slap me, hit me, hurt me or hurl hateful words to me for causing her pain. Make me feel guilty for falling for another woman, but instead here she was, showing me kindness which I didn't deserve. 

I wanted to say something that could somehow alleviate the pain that she was feeling, but I chose to keep quiet because I knew no matter what I say, nothing could make her feel better. 

As I cried, she wrapped her arms around me. "I'll be fine," she said softly. 

We both knew it was just a line to end things well. To make me feel less guilty. Her kindness was killing me. How could she look at me with understanding in her eyes, when I knew that she was also hurting? 

I just hugged her tightly and cried in her arms. I didn't know it was physically possible to feel an intense pain such as this.