Betrayal {Fifth book of Bad At Love series} still fixing cover sry

I'm Sorry

"John." Bradley whispered and he barley knocked on my door. "Please open up." I downed the last bit of the bottle of champagne I had been drinking. It never helped anymore in the first place. I did it because it helped in the moment. It kinda made me forget about what was going on for a while. Not for light bough, but any relief was something. "John Wall Open the door!" He snapped and he banged on it. "Please John. Please answer I'm sorry. I know sorry doesn't help but I just wanna make sure your ok." I opened the door.

"Why? Why do you wanna make sure I'm ok now?" I snapped.

"Because I care about you." He said and I sighed.

"Yeah and I care about you more than you ever knew or will ever know." I said and I shut the door.

"No John stop! I just wanna talk." He whispered. "Stop shutting me out of your life, if you want me back in your life then don't shut me out of it." I knew he was right. I swallowed my pride and opened the door.

"And this is me swallowing my pride
Saying I'm sorry for that night."

Went through my mind and i chuckled st myself for connecting everything to music. At the same time though I knew that song was right. I had to swallow my pride and tell him I'm sorry. I took a deep breath in. "I'm sorry." I said.

"Hey it's fine." He said smiling and I let him in.

"No I don't think you understand." I said and I gulped. "I don't mean I'm sorry for not letting you in a minute ago. I'm sorry for being an idiot. I only made the past year or so harder for us that making it easier. I couldn't except the fact that your happier with someone else and I let it drag us down. I let my opinion know. I was being selfish. I wanted what was best for me not you. I should have been happy for you but all I could do was think about me and I'm sorry for that Bradley. I'm also sorry for when we were together. I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. I'm not gonna sit here and say it's your fault for not telling me something or that I tired my hardest to make you happy. I did. But that's not what this is about. I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I guess I didn't try hard enough, and being married to someone you have to try your hardest and I didn't. You weren't happy because I didn't try to make you happy. You didn't know I loved you be Ayse I never tried to show you I loved you. I didn't try hard enough Bradley. Maybe if I had tried we would be in a different situation right now, but that's not what I'm focused on. I'm focused on the moment. I'm focused on making sure things are right between us. I don't want your ling ass apology for this morning. I don't want you to tell me that your sorry for saying what you said. I dont. I don't wanna hear it because I know your apologizing for something you crisply meant. I didn't cry at first when you said that. I didn't cry because it almost felt good. It made me feel complete to actually know why our relationship needed. Not because of some stupid mistake I made. Which I'd partially why but still, it's not because I yelled at you that last night. It's because you weren't happy. And Bradley I wanna let you know if your ever and I mean ever not happy with anything to do with me, let me know please. Let me know so I can change it or we can end it. Shit i don't even know if your happy with our friendship. But if you aren't I wanna know. Cause I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong. When we fought and yelled at each other for those six year I'm sorry. You never started one argument I did. I started all of this so I guess it's my time to "end it" it's my time to put the last behind us and move on. For us to start again. I've became an adult during this I've became a grown ass man. It takes a lot tos fand here and tell you all this, but I wanna let you know so that we can forget about it. We can forget about the past and move on. I wanna tell you im sorry so you know. I also wanna tell you I'm sorry because I wanna let you know I understand what I did wrong. I'm not blind I'm not clueless I know. I know I shouldn't have yelled at you all those nights, I know I shouldn't have said what I said. I know I should have told you I love your more just because. I should have had sex with you just because. I should have went out on dates with you just because. Not because it's what we did, but for a reason you can't put into words. A reason that doesn't truly have a definition. A reason that can only be showed. I should have done that because I loved you. I should have showed you that. I should have made you happy. But I did. I failed I guess. But I don't wanna think about that Bradley, I just wanna tell you I'm sorry."