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Josh and Emery sat on the balcony chairs at the hotel in his room. She had informed him of what had happened. And now they were quiet. She could feel tension but thought that it was better to leave it until he spoke.
Her thoughts however had taken a dark turn. Did he not want her anymore, since she was related to the people who had done this? Would they break up? Would he even be himself anymore? Her fingers wrung each other as she looked up at the sky. She couldn't see the stars. That was another reason why she loved Michigan. She could see the stars.
"What's going to happen now?" He murmured.
She looked at him and thought how to answer. "Well, we go home and we talk about it. And slowly, we'll go back to how we were."
"I don't know if I can. I can't."
"Can't what?"
"I can't go back to how I was."
"Josh. That wasn't -"
"I'm not him anymore. I don't know who I am anymore."
She grabbed his hands, "Look at me." He did so. "You don't have to be who you were, Josh. I'm not telling you to do that. I just want to hear you laugh again. And smile. That's what I want for you. To be secure again."
He grabbed her hands and pulled her foreword, hugging her. "I love you." he whispered.
Her eyes watered, "I love you too. I'm here for you. Always."
"Thank you."
The next month was hard. He still went on his tours and any interview. He had to pretend to be happy. That nothing had ever happened. He broke down quite a few times, Emery there with him.
She had quit her job to go on the rest of the tour with him. And all she did was smile and let him vent when he needed it. She just wanted to tour to end so that he could get the help that he needed.
But she knew how it felt to not want to. So, she talked to Adelaide on how to help. All Adelaide could say was, "He needs to think that he needs help. You can't tell him he needs it. He has to figure it out. That's all you can do other than stay by his side."
"Adelaide..."
"I know how hard it is to watch the person you love struggle. But you need to let him do this. However, if he starts to harm himself, then it's best to get him therapy."
"Thank you, Adelaide."
"You're welcome. Call me for anything else."
"Okay. Bye." She ended the call. The only light in the hotel room was from the moon. She was sitting just next to the window, not being able to sleep. Josh was laying in bed, sleeping.
That's what she thought anyways. He moved, and looked at her. "You think I need help." His voice was so deep and empty that it made her jump.
"Josh.."
"Do you?"
"I just think that you need to talk about it."
"Talk about it!" He sat up, throwing the bed comforter off of him, and standing up. "Talk about it. What more can I say? I told you about it! And Jake! And Sam! And Danny! What more do you want from me!"
"Professionally, Josh. But when you're ready."
"Well, you think I'm already ready for it!" He was pacing around now. Back and forth. Back and forth.
"I don't want to see you hurting Josh."
"Hurting." He laughed. "Where were you when I was hurting!" He hit the lamp, making it fall to the ground, and breaking the glass. She jumped, scared. "Where were you when I needed you. All you have ever thought of was yourself! And Jake was right! You're not worth my time! And all you think about is yourself." Tears well in her eyes, it hurt to hear him say those things. But he was hurting and he needed to say it. It would be better for him. "You think that what happened to me will just go away if I 'talked' about it. It won't. I see it all the time. In my dreams. And you know who I see every time. You! And your sister and your mother! I can't look at you!"
Tears were running down both of their faces. He was breathing harshly and glaring at her. She didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry."
"Whatever." He sat on the bed, his shoulders hunched over. She stood up and went to touch him, but he moved it out of the way. "Just, get out."
"What?"
"I don't want to see you right now."
"Josh, please don't do this." She crouched down on her knees, begging. She didn't want to lose him.
"Emery. Get. Out." He grabbed her arm and pushed her out of the room. He went back to the room and threw out her shoes and her purse. He closed the door on her. She stood there, shocked. She didn't know how long, until someone spoke up.
"Emery?" She turned. Jake stood there with a bottle of wine. "What's going on?" Emery couldn't speak. She just shook her head and put her arms around herself. She cried. She'd lost Josh. Her mother had gotten in and broke it. Jake went to try and comfort her but she back up.
"Just, just keep Josh company." She spoke. "He needs someone and I'm not the one."
"Okay. Take my room."
"Okay." He gave her the card and then knocked on the door. She walked to Jake's room, opening the door. She was alone. And she cried alone, under the covers.
Hopefully, Jake would be able to help his brother. Better than she could. Their love wasn't meant to be. They weren't meant to be.
When she woke up the next morning, she walked to the room, feeling disconnected to the world. She wanted to make sure that Josh absolutely wanted this. She knocked softly. For a second, there was nothing, and then the door opened. Jake stood in front of her and shook his head. She understood but she wanted to hear from him.
"I want to hear it from him." He moved out of the way. "Josh."
"What? I thought I told you to get out. I don't want to see you."
"Does that mean that we're over?"
"Yeah. It does."
"O-okay. I just.. I just want to say that I love you. And when you need me. I'll be there for you." He didn't say anything. She looked at Jake, grabbed her bag of clothes, and left the room.
Jake followed her, "Emery."
"What?"
"Just, get home safe, okay. Text me."
"Sure."
She left the city on a plane. Back to Michigan without the love of her life. Only a broken heart accompanying her.
