wonderstruck// Tyler Joseph

twelve | starts to make its way to me

Waking up next to somebody else was a foreign feeling to me. I wasn't used to having two arms wrapped around the frame of my body and a head squished against my shoulder. But to be completely honest, I wasn't sure if Tyler was even aware of how touchy he was being.

The only downside of waking up next to Tyler was that I absolutely despised mornings, and I nearly always felt like a zombie when I woke up. I wasn't really fond of the idea of Tyler seeing me like that, but I guess it was worth getting to spend the night with him.

As I lay there lost in my thoughts, it suddenly hit me that if a guard were to walk in, I'd be in big trouble. I quickly sat up, unraveling myself from Tyler's grasp. I shook his shoulders, only causing him to scrunch his face together and groan.

"Tyler!" I whisper yelled, persisting to shake him until he got up. So he clearly wasn't a morning person either. I guess that made two of us. "Tyler, get up. I need to go back to my room before someone catches me," I explained. I began tapping his shoulder continuously to the point where he swatted my hand away, his face still buried in a pillow.

"Mm, stop," he whined against the gray cloth of the pillow, still trying to swat me away with his hand. "They won't come in. The door is locked," he mumbled. His eyes were still closed, and his mouth was slightly hung open, confirming that he was half asleep. I calmed down, sighing as I sunk back into the bed. As long as Tyler told me I was fine staying, I'd believe him.

If it weren't for my thoughts and my heart  beat speeding up every time Tyler's skin brushed mine, I could have fallen asleep because I was definitely still tired. But I couldn't. My mind was buzzing with emotions and a bunch of strange feelings I'd never felt before.

If my sister June were here, I'd have been talking to her for hours about everything that had happened between me and Tyler. And she would've listened to every single second of it. I could've imagined the spark of excitement in her emerald eyes and the intensity of her words. I suddenly felt an extreme longing to see her, and without even realizing just how emotional I was getting, I felt cold droplets of water stream down my cheeks. I genuinely just really missed my family.

When I signed up for the Selection, I wasn't expecting to feel homesick. I signed up because I wanted something more, something more exciting than the boring old apartment I lived in back in New York. I never considered how much I would actually miss my family.

I began to feel out of place. I was in foreign country with a boy I had only met a few months ago. I was lying in a bed with him that wasn't mine, and suddenly it felt like the most uncomfortable bed I'd ever been in. It was a rock compared to the one at the palace, to the one back home.

Tyler would've liked my apartment, I thought. It was casual and small, just like anything he'd ever wanted. He would've liked my room too. The baby blue on the walls and the mess on the floor. Perhaps it would have made him feel at home.

He would've gotten along with my brother. At first, August teased me for signing up for the Selection because Tyler was a prince, and in his words, "nobody even cares about the prince." But they were similar, more alike than one would've thought. They both enjoyed music and had that stupid sarcastic attitude.

I wanted to go home, but not only that, I wanted to take Tyler with me. I had recently discovered that he too was my home, so it would've been only right for him to come with me.

My thoughts were so contradicting. One minute, his lips were on mine and I wanted nothing more than to run away with him and follow him wherever his path may take him. Then the next minute, I decided that being too far away from home was too overwhelming and I just wanted to go back.

Amidst my thoughts, I felt Tyler start to stir. He slowly sat up, stretching his arms out and yawning. I sat up next to him, watching as he recollected himself. He looked at me, raising an eyebrow as he put his warm hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice coming out raspy. His eyes weren't even opened all the way, still adjusting to the sunlight seeping through the windows. He probably noticed my slightly red eyes and cheeks, assuming there was something wrong.

"I guess," I shrugged, and much to my dismay, even my voice sounded like I had been crying.

"Answer me honestly," he said, rubbing his hand up and down my arm comfortingly. I decided to just tell him the truth.

"I just really, really miss my family. And my room. And the stuffed animal I got when I was five that I used to sleep with every night," I admitted, bringing my knees to my chest and hugging them. "And the Starbucks down the block. The park I go to with my friends after work. The girl downstairs who would freak out every time you came on the Report." I smiled sadly at the last one, and I could even hear a tiny chuckle escape Tyler's lips. He brought me close to him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders as he twirled my curly hair around his fingers.

"I'm gonna get us out of here as soon as possible then," he stated. "And when we get back, I'm gonna go visit your family with you. Unless you'd rather stay for good," he explained, frowning towards the end. "If that's what you want, then okay. It's okay."

"That's not what I want," I told him. "I'd like to visit... but not stay." I was too scared to tell him that I couldn't stay because I still wanted to be with him. I didn't want to be apart from Tyler at all. I wanted to spend all of the time in the world with him, and based on where our futures were going, I had no idea where we'd end up. He wanted to run away, but not if he had to leave me. I wanted to go with him, but not if was too far from home. So where did that leave us? Neither of us had any idea what to do, but I did know one thing. I wanted to end up by his side, and whether we were together or not, it didn't matter to me.

Then, he looked at me with his same charming smile, the indents showing on his glowing cheeks, and I realized that maybe it did matter, just a little.