Deep End

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If I only known how things would've turned out, I would never have done anything. I would've played perfect.
I would've played the role my mother wanted me to play. I would've played the obeying child who didnt get a boyfriend or the one girl who just obeyed everyone.

No it didnt turn out like that. I didnt do the right thing. I did what I wanted. What I want just ruins everything and everyone. It doesn't only affect me but affect the people around me. I'm tired of all this fucking talking. I'm tired of all the if I do this or if I would've done this.
I'm tired of thinking how things would've gone if I done it differently. No. My soul is damaged enough. Ending everything is just gone. Everything slipped from my fingertips.

I've reached the deep end of everything. I'm cold, my soul is diminishing. No one sees it, only Tezhaun does.
I dont fucking want this. Maybe I should just end everything at once. It's better that way.

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