Into The Future

Chapter Twenty-One

"SO NAKALIMUTAN mo ang past seven years ng buhay mo?" tanong ni Marvin sa kaniya. Nakakailang tanong na ito tungkol sa kaniyang Amnesia, kay Howl, kay Sarah, at kay Margaret. Wala itong tanong kung single ba siya. Nakahalumbaba sa mesa si Armaign habang kausap si Marvin. Sa isang restaurant siya sa bayan ng Tanay dinala ni Marvin para maghapunan. Katatapos lang nilang kumain at maghimagas.

Isang comlumnist si Marvin sa isang newspaper. If I know better, niyaya niya akong kumain sa labas para kumuha ng impormasyon mula sa akin. Tinignan ni Armaign si Marvin. His hands were on his lap, and his hands were moving as if he's writing everytime she answered his question. Tinatago pa niya ang ballpen at papel na hawak niya.

What was it like noong niligawan siya ni Marvin noon? Hindi ba siya kinilig ng kahit kaunti? It wasn't clear why Armaign rejected Marvin before.

Sasagutin ba niya ang mga tanong nito? Ang bilin ni Sarah sa kaniya ay iwasan niya ang media. Hindi alam ng mga reporters kung saan ang tinutuluyang farm ni Armaign sa Tanay kaya tahimik ang kanilang buhay mula sa mga mapanghimasok na reporters.

Matatawa si Drenz sa oras na malaman nitong gusto lang ni Marvin ng exclusive interview mula sa kaniya. Naalala niya ang desperasyon sa pakiusap ni Drenz na huwag siyang umalis. Kinondena niya ang sarili nang makaramdam siya ng awa para dito. Hindi siya dapat malungkot na sinaktan niya si Drenz nang harapan.

Naiinis siya na nagbago ang pagtingin niya kay Drenz. Armaign recalled those early years na sariwang-sariwa pa ang galit niya kay Drenz. She found it pleasurable that Drenz would beg her forgiveness and that she would shut the door at his face. He would suffer from guilt; he wouldn't be able to sleep; he would feel lonely and sad. The only way out of that misery was her forgiveness and she would deny him that.

It was the best revenge, and she had it. At ipinamukha niya rito na hindi na sila babalik pa sa dati. Nawalan ito ng kaibigan na gaya niya. Armaign thought it felt good that she made him live in hell. Kulang pa iyon. Ang sarap isipin na ipinaramdam niya kay Drenz ang kalahati ng sakit na naramdaman niya nang mamatay ang kaniyang ama.

Revenge was delightful until Armaign opened her eyes in 2016.

Humalumbaba siya sa lamesa at tumingin sa labas ng bintana ng restaurant.

Hindi na kasing saya ang pagganti kay Drenz ngayon. It made her feel bad about herself. It made her question her belief, her thoughts, her emotion. What would her older self suggest to her? Gusto na niyang pakawalan ang sarili mula sa sakit dahil nakilala niya nang husto si Drenz.

Armaign loved how he held her tight, how he cared for her, how he kissed her, how he painted and sculped her. She wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to feel his hair on her hands, to curl up in bed in a lazy Sunday afternoon, to laugh with him, to be his friend, to be his fiancé. Gusto niyang magpatalo sa lahat ng temptasyon tuwing nariyan si Drenz. Sa tuwing nilalabanan niya ang mga temptasyon, mas lalo siyang nasasabik sa binata. Ano mang minuto ngayon, ang kaniyang pananabik ay sasabog at ang pag-ibig ay siyang mangingibabaw.

Yes, Armaign could no longer deny. She was starting to see Drenz as a man. Most importantly, she was beginning to love him on her own. She was starting to acquire reasons to love him and hate him less. The grudge she had been nurturing in her heart was leaving her. Ang galit ay napapalitan ng isang kaaya-ayang emosyon. Sa ganitong paraan ba natuto ang nakatatandang sarili niya na patawarin si Drenz?

Rage could never stand in the face of love. If rage was leaving her, then was it love?

Bakit kailangan pa niya itanong? Of course, it was. It was overwhelming. How could Armaign not tell it was love?

"Armaign, anong nangyayari at bakit ka umiiyak?" ani ni Marvin; may bahid pangamba ang boses nito. "May masakit ba sa 'yo? Nahihilo ka ba kaya ka naluluha?"

"Ayos lang ako. I want to go home, Marvin."