The Boy in the Band

Dont tell no secrets dont tell no lies

It's positive, how in the fuck am I pregnant. I mean I know how I was pregnant Joe and I never used protection and I wasn't on birth control since when we got together I was a virgin. I don't know if I'm ready for a baby. Just then there was a knock on the door
"See"
"Yea"
"You been in there for awhile everything alright"
"Ummm yea just getting ready for work"
"Why don't you have play hooky today and stay with me"
"Joe I can't, I have to go"
"Come on babe I'll call Evelyn she'll give you the day off"
"Joe NO!!"

I shoved the test and box in my purse and pushed passed Joe coming out the door.
"Sierra what's wrong"
"Nothing I gotta go to work Joe".

I ran out the door and Jumped into my Hummer throwing my purse and briefcase on the seat next to me
"FUCK!!!"
Was the only thing I could think of. I'm pregnant it's Joe's baby, I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom. How am I supposed have a baby with Joe he is never home if it's not a tour, it's a album or something. I can't do this alone.
I pulled into the parking lot of work and headed up to my office. I checked the voicemail to find 3 messages from Joe asking what this morning was about. I just deleted them before I even finished listening to them, the lil voicemails he leave me I used to love but lately it's just annoying. It was about  11 when the office phone rings
"Hello office of Sierra Rose can I help you"
"Is this my hot blond girlfriend"
"What Joe"
"You ok See"
"Fine"
"Do you want anything special tonight for dinner I figured we do a quite night in together just us"
"No Joe I don't I don't even know If I'm going to make it home for dinner"
"What are you talking about"
"I got meetings and my editorial to finish I don't have time to dick around"
"Jesus See What is wrong with you"
"Nothing I gotta go"

Before Joe had the chance to say anything I hung up.  It was along day and it was well after 7 by the time I left the office and headed home. I walk in to find the table made with candles and dinner and Joe dressed up waiting on me.
"What's all this"
"You didn't say what you wanted I figured I make you a nice meal"
"Jesus Joe will will stop smothering me"
"Smothering you how am I smothering you"
"This the dinner the calls at work all day"
"I thought you liked when I did that"
"I do I did... fuck it's just annoying ok I'm at work to work not sit on the phone with you"
"Sierra What got into you"
"Nothing Joe"
"Well why do you sit down and relax eat something"
"Don't tell me what to do"
"See"
"Joe"
"Your being ridiculous"
"You Know what I think I'm going to go to bed ALONE"
I walked into the room slamming the door behind me, I don't know why but lately all the cute shit Joe would do and say just has played on my nerves. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, I didn't even know when Joe had crawled into bed.
The next week the tension at home was ridiculous and honestly it's my fault. I've been snapping at Joe for everything even the stuff that he used to do that made my heart flutter now is grinding on my nerves. He still has no idea I'm pregnant, I haven't told anyone even Jenny or Kimmy. I honestly wondering if maybe going back home to North Carolina and having the baby and putting it up for adoption would be the best choice. Joe would never have to know and the baby would have a real family and a real chance at life. Not a dad who is always on the road and gone and a mom who has no idea of what she is doing.

I do feel bad on how I've been treating Joe. He sent so many flowers and gifts to my office it's beginning to look like a damn floral shop. I come home dinner is always ready he always has gifts for me. It's just me I can't seem to shake these feelings. I know Joe has the right to know about the baby but as it stands I'm not sure what exactly I am going to do about it.
I was sitting in this meeting feeling like I was going to die, I haven't felt good all morning my head has been spinning I've had the sweats and of course all morning we have had meetings. It was just after lunch when I stood in the corner of the office talking to Evelyn about the next fashion spread when the room suddenly began to spin
"Sierra you ok you suddenly look pale"
"I'm just.... just"
Then everything went black, I woke up as I was being loaded into the ambulance being taken to Cedars-Sinai hospital. Evelyn walked out with me on the stretcher I was unaware that she had called Joey to tell him what had happened.

The doctor feverishly did test after test. Finally after a couple hours the activity had calmed enough I was able to take a short nap. I was unaware that well I was sleeping Joe and came to the hospital. He pulled up a chair next to the bed and held on to my hand.
I was woken up by the sound of the doctor coming in "Miss Rose"
"yes"
I look over to see Joe,
"Joe what are you doing here"
"Evelyn called me when you passed out"
"Miss Rose, how are feeling dear I'm Dr Smith"
"Just tired and have a headache, what happened to me"
"Well according to your test results here Miss Rose the cause of you passing out was your blood pressure. It was extremely high. Also Miss Rose as part of our normal test panel we ran a pregnancy test , are you aware your pregnant. Test indicated roughly 6 weeks."
"Yes I know"
"Baby your pregnant"
"Yes Joe"
"How long have you known, why didn't you tell me"
"Well Miss Rose I like to keep you overnight for observation but I don't see why you couldn't go home in the morning. If you excuse me I have other paitents."
The doctor stepped out closing the door leaving Joe and I alone. The room was silent for the better part of a minute before he broke the silence.
"See why didn't you tell me"
"Because I don't know what I was going to do"
"What you mean"
"I mean this baby wasn't planned, we are always going a million miles a minute your not going to be able to be around and it's not fair to push a baby on you that neither of us planned."
"Baby... my love that's were your wrong, I want nothing more than this baby and having this baby with you."
"You don't mean that"
"I  do Sierra I love you and I want to be with you and this baby. I always wanted to have kids have a family but I never thought it would happen. Then you came into my life and that need for stability and wanting to be that everything to one person hit. From the beginning I knew you were different that we be something different. I want you and this baby all of it."
"Joe"
And that's when I broke telling him everything from the idea of going back home and putting the baby up for adoption to the anxiety causing me to snap at him. I told him it all, between all the tears and some giggles I think there was a shift in both of us, now we have a child on the way before we may have said we were in it for the long haul now we both realized that we truly have fallen for eachother and now we are going to have a reminder of that and both of determined to get it right.