The Boy in the Band

What a difference a year makes-Sierra

I cant believe it Im a mom. I never thought I wanted this and then here came Nathan. Honestly sitting here reflecting on the past year I didnt expect any of this a move, a baby, me and Kimmy ending our friendship. The one I really would have never even fathomed Joey. Lets be honest I had no interest in going to that concert let even knowing who the fuck Joey even was. Somehow what I can only describe that the stars lined that night and we ended up in the right place at the right time. I always said everything happens for a reason nothing is by chance. I ended up with the love of my life honestly. I have been so unfair and nasty to him at points over the last year and he never gave up on me. I have the most beautiful son. Joey also gave me two of my best friends, Jenny and D. I never thought a year ago sitting in my small office in North Carolina when I answered those first Twitter DMs a year later I would find myself a fashion writer for Elle sitting in Ceders my son in the isolete next my bed, Joey sitting next to me still in awe.

I was so wiped when D and Jenny showed up I feel bad that I had just fallen asleep after the nurse left. But between all day yesterday  having contractions then the drama at check in and actual labor and delivery I couldnt. Joey was amazing through everything but lets been real he has been amazing since the beginning its me that always had the reservations and doubts. It was like he always knew. You would think him being the notorious playboy and the one who never settled down, fuck sake his nickname was playboy, here he is been with me faithfully the last year. I guess you know when you find the one, I was just to stubborn to admit but in all realness he truly is the one. 

I honestly didnt expect this pregnancy and Joe and I having this baby, Then he surprised my by proposing. He always tells me he loves me and i was it for him there never be anyone else but i didnt expect this. He had to be planning this from the custom onesie he had dressed Nathan in to the one of a kind custom designed Tiffanys ring he had made. I could see the nerves in him when he got down on one knee. His hands shook as he held the box that contained the ring. I honestly didnt even have to think about the answer, the answer would have been yes a thousand times over. I tried living without him and I couldnt I was just existing and thats not a way I wanna live. I cant promise Im not gonna have my moments cause lets be real its me, with everything that has happened in my life its made me who I am and the flaws and all. With Joe with me thought Im pretty sure I can get passed it. Now there is another reason for me to fight like hell to be with Joe and thats Nathan.

I understand planning this wedding exactly how emotionally exhausting its going to be for me because everything every little girl envisions isnt going to be able to happen, well everything but the groom I wouldnt change that or want anyone else because up to Joe I never wanted to get married. Every woman envisions their father walking them down the isle giving them away to the love of thier life. I dont get that because my father decided to jump to a opinion of Joey before he even met him or got to know him, did I want to have to chose Joey or my father no but at the same time my decision isnt going change it never will. So I have to deal with there will be no father to give me away no daddy daughter dance any of it. I have to accept the fact that Nathan will never have any kind of relationship with my parents but I couldnt ask for anyone better for grandparents in Kay and Tom, I know they will be there consistently for Nathan regardless. 

Do I expect this to be no of course its not going to be Joe and my relationship has never been normal or easy so I know were going to have our share of shit going into this next chapter of our lives as parents and soon to be husband and wife but at this point I hope we both figured our shit out well enough that we will make it. I know Joey has always fought for us at this point I think the fighter in me has came out and I would fight for what we build.