The Boy in the Band

Cold Feet

Its been three weeks since I had gotten sick and poor Joey had to do it all. Luckily he aced his audition and he soon will be staring in Waitress. I was feeling well enough to be able to do our gender reveal. I was the most beautiful day, Joey had gotten what he really wanted, a little girl and when the doctor said "its a girl" the tears pooled in his beautiful blue eyes that I knew everything that had happened with him and I over the birth control didnt matter at this point, this moment with him is all that mattered.

It was late Friday night, Jenny finally had the time to fly in with Donnie so we can work on the wedding plans. It was somewhere are 3am when I through my pen down in frustration,

"Jen Jen I dont know if I can do this"

"what you mean"

"this wedding, what if its not really what I want want..what if its not really what Joe wants?"

"SeeSee you cant be serious, He had changed up everything since that first night he met you"

"and he is at some point just going to get sick of me and move on just like every other guy in my life."

"Where is this coming from Sierra? Are you and Joe having problems again?"

"No he been great, took care of me when I was sick right along with everything else and had the audition for Waitress, then we had our Gender ultrasound and he couldnt be more excited."

"Then what is it?"

"I dont know I just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it will it always does then Im gonna be alone when he leaves with two babies. Why would I run and get married when I know its not going to end up working."

"SeeSee I dont understand where this is coming from he loves you and I know you love him"

"I love him more than anything"

"then what is all this?"

"I dont know Jen...."

My head fell into my hands and a tear fell, I dont know myself where this was all coming from. I dont know if it was the frustration from planning the wedding or old doubts creeping in but whatever it was It made me feel like my throat was closing and I just took a punch to the gut. jenny pushed the chair closer to me and I felt her hand on my shoulder rubbing it slightly.

"SeeSee I know you dont mean this, you love him and he loves you, your just stressed with the wedding and pregnancy"

"I dont even know Jenny my head is all fucked up"

"Sierra you need to relax, how about this, Im gonna head out back to the hotel and tomorrow D and I will come and get the baby and keep him overnight and you relax. Go and be will Joey, reconnect with eachother you both are always going a million miles a minute and when we bring my baby back home we hammer out the rest of this stuff?"

"Jen you dont have to do that your only here three days"

"I want too, I dont get alot of time with him since you moved back home."

"you sure?"

"Absoultely now Im gonna get out of here why dont you go take a bubblebath and relax and when Joey gets home blow him.."

"JENNNNNN"

"I meant blow off some steam"

"sure you did"

with a giggle she grabbed her purse and headed out. I sat staring at at all the papers and pictures and cloth swatches on the table and it was so overwhelming. Do I really think I dont want to marry Joey no but at the same time I dont know if his history just sits on the back of my mind but I always wonder if this is what he really wants or if its just because I had a baby by him and another one on the way.

I wiped the tear that fell from my eyes and slid from the chair. I locked up,armed the security system before turning off the lights and heading up the stairs, taking Jenny's advice to slid into a bubblebath and try to relax.

I began filling the bathtub and I undressed and slid in. I like to say that the bath relaxed me but I just couldnt shake the feelings. I laid in that bath till the water began to get cold and I climbed out and dressed into one of Joey's tee shirts and climbed into bed to wait on him to get home. I didnt make it to when he got home. 

I was 5 in the morning when I felt the bed dip and Joey's arm drap over my waist and a kiss on my neck. My heart fluttered at the feeling of him next to me. I shifted to face him,

"Hey"

"Hey did I wake you"

"kinda, havent been able to sleep well"

"Im sorry baby."

He quickly shifted and I laid my head on his chest,

"whats wrong, why cant you sleep"

"its nothing"

"its not nothing baby, tell me"

"Joey its nothing...how was rehearsal?"

"Baby girl dont change the subject, what is wrong"

"Joey its just... you know what nevermind"

"See See please talk to me dont shut me out!"

I sighed and leaned up from his chest,

"Jen and I were working on the wedding and I dont know I just got so overwhelmed"

"overwhelmed over what this is supposed to be fun not stressful."

"Its just I keep wondering if this is what you really want or if your just marrying me because of Nathan and the baby.."

The tears streamed from my eyes as I choked the words out terrified at his answer.

"Joe I need to know if thats it because i cant keep feeling like this"

"baby girl of course I want to marry you babies or no babies, your all I ever wanted, I knew from that first day that there was something special about you. You changed my entire life and I cant even describe how many ways you changed me. I want to be with you only you always Sierra."

"Joe you say that now but Im always the one to eventually get replaced "

"no with me Sierra, you can never be replaced, your it for me. Ive know that since the begining."

"Do you mean it"

"more than anything. I love you Sierra... always"

"I love you too."

It felt like a weight was lifted from my chest when he said that. I felt his hand reach over wiping the tears that fell and his lips tenderly pressed to mine. His arms wrap around me pulling me into him close. Nothing more was said, it need too I know where he stands.