Whenever you doubt how far you can go, remember how far you have come. Remember everything you've faced, all the battles you've won and all the fears you've overcome.
I believe that people are destined to each other and always find themselves sooner...
The night had just fallen and the light rain fell like a curtain from the sky. But still I didn't move. The drops were searching their way over my face and were falling in slow motion on the warm ground. I looked up and saw that the moon slowly disappeared behind the clouds. The tears in my eyes burned. But that pain wasn't as great as the pain in my heart. I broke every damn day that started again. Every day he passed them without seeing any sense. Everyone spoke to me well and tried to cheer me up. But nobody knew how I felt. I had lost the desire for this fight. I no longer saw any sense in feeling anything. I just wanted to have my peace. With my lost thoughts, I drop to the ground. Now my clothes were completely soaked and I go cold. But that didn't interest me either. I didn't want to feel anything. I didn't want anything more. My eyes scanned our terrace and I stared at the pool. I closed my eyes and saw her. While she was standing intimidated on the edge of the pool and she wanted to be strong. How much did I curse that day? I didn't want to think about her anymore. I didn't want to see it. But I just couldn't do it. I had it in my mind, I had it in my heart and I had it in my hands. But now everything had happened. I had lost everything. I had put my life in her hands and had given myself completely to her, but I had lost everything. I was just a shell that couldn't stand the pain and had to suffer again every day. Again and again I asked me the same question. Why? Why had she left me like this? What I had done wrong? I couldn't find an answer and I didn't want to continue like this. I was caught in my own pain because I had someone in my heart. This should never happen again. I squeezed my cigarette and slowly blew the smoke from my lungs. I saw how the rain dropped my smoke to the ground. I didn't want to see anything else, not hear anything, and not feel anything else ...
They had to have spent hours, because Mumbai slowly shone in the sunlight. The birds were singing and a new day broke. But nothing had changed in me, I still felt the same pain as the previous days and nights. Carefully, I got up and looked around. Everything was quiet and nobody was seen. I turned around and stopped. Once again I looked towards the pool. I closed my eyes and saw ourselves together in the water. Kajol caressing my cheek gently and my heart racing. I opened my eyes and touched my cheek, as if I could still feel it. Again my eyes filled with tears. I had to leave it behind but at the moment I had no solution. Probably never would. How could I forget that I had lost my soul...
I went into the house, I took a shower and I had a great coffee. My diary was full and I left home early. I don't know where I got the strength at that time but I worked. I went back to shoot a movie and I took several photo sessions. I needed that distraction and I hoped not to meet her every day, because I wasn't ready for that yet. This morning I went to a film. Everyone greeted me warmly and took me to the mask. I took my coffee and picked up the newspaper. I tried to concentrate, but there was too much emotion around me. So I put everything away and picked up my phone. I had received some messages that I left unanswered because I didn't feel like answering them. I opened a few pages and I got scared by a photo. Could this be? I jumped out of my chair and immediately left the room. They all looked at me in shock. Had to go out. I needed to breathe. Outside, I took my phone again and looked at the picture again.
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I took a cigarette and read the attached report with enthusiasm. "Kajol is with his family for a family vacation in Sofia, Ajay will shoot his new movie there." My pulse quickened and I could barely breathe. Again and again I lit my cigarette and looked at the picture. How could she return to this place? How could he forget what had happened there? I threw the cigarette and left the place. I had to leave here. I didn't want anyone around me. I wanted to be alone. I got in the car and yelled at my driver to take me back to Mannat. As I drove, I looked out the window and tried to find a clear thought, but it was just an empty shell. They had taken me out of my life. When the heavy doors opened, I returned to the cold reality. I got out of the car and looked around. Here was my world. Here I felt protected, but even here I felt this infinite pain. I went down, went in and went straight to my room. I closed the door and let myself fall on the big bed ...
Looking at the ceiling, my thoughts tried to become independent. I didn't have any influence. I saw her in front of my eyes, I heard her voice and I still smelled her scent. I got to a point where I thought I was losing my mind. I was just a prisoner of my feelings. I couldn't continue like this. I sat up and picked up my phone. With a deep pain, I opened the messenger and started writing.
I didn't think much and sent the message. When I saw that he was sent, I felt a relief. For a long time I had swallowed everything. I was angry with myself, but mostly with her. She had played with me. And I had lost ...
From Kajol's point of view
Ajay and I had retired that night. We were well on our way to finding a solution for our marriage. We had been cheating for too long. Conversations with him in the last few days had done us both good and we had met in a new way. Not as lovers but as a couple. As life partners, because we were and will be connected by a band for life. After all, we were parents. When my phone rang, I picked it up and I got scared ... I hadn't expected a message from him. I swallowed hard and looked at Ajay. Immediately he noticed my look.
»Kajol?« I looked at the phone again and answered softly
»Shahrukh has written ...« Ajay got up cautiously and approached me. He kissed my forehead and left without another word. I was still looking at the notification on my phone. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. Should I open it? I had broken his heart and I was aware of that. But I couldn't have reacted otherwise. What should I have told Nysa? I got up and walked a few steps. How could I explain everything? He would never understand. I looked at the table and saw my phone. I missed him so much that I was short of breath. The thought and the feeling of knowing how much he was suffering hurt me so much. I took a deep breath and went to the table. I had to face myself. I unlocked the phone and opened the message ...
»I just saw your picture, so you are in Sofia, I congratulate you ... I hope you enjoy your time with your husband, but I know you very well, when you make a decision you live it completely, I see that the Dilwale project has been very successful for you, I wish you and your husband all the best for the new project and the new phase of life.«
Every word hit me. Each sentence was written with so much pain and anger that my blood was about to freeze in my veins. What had I done ... I dropped the phone and sank to the ground with my eyes closed. I had finally lost it ...
.................................
»That's life,« said the clown, painting himself with tears in his eyes, a radiant smile on his face.
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