Eternal Loneliness 💯

Chapter 23

Over and over I looked at my watch, but the minutes turned into hours. I looked out the window as my thoughts continued to circle around Kajol. It had been many years since this had happened and let it happen again. I needed Kajol in my life. No other loss would survive. I put my head to the glass trying to get some sleep.

A soft hand on my shoulder interrupted my sleep. I opened my sleepy eyes and looked up.

»Shahrukh we arrived. Are we going to the Mannat or do you want to go directly to the hospital? «

Even asleep I tried to put my thoughts in order while trying to tame my hair, which fell on my face.

»No, Pooja. We must go to the hospital immediately. Kajol needs me! «

Pooja understood me and nodded with a sad look. We all felt that this would not be a normal visit to a sick person. Pooja took all my things and we got off the plane.

The humid air of Mumbai hit us in the face which I took a deep breath. How I had missed this. The world had beautiful places, but none was like my Mumbai. I went down the stairs and without looking up I went to the waiting car. I just wanted to be with Kajol.

***

I opened my eyes seeing a dark room. I knew where I was and still had to suppress my emotions. I had to be strong, but the more I put myself under pressure, the more I suffered because I could not control my feelings, my fears and, above all, my symptoms.

I sat carefully on the edge of the bed and put on my shoes. I took my bathrobe and put it on because it felt cold even though this room was at least 40 degrees. I carefully went to the large window looking out over the city. The lights were on while the city slept. My heart was beating again for no apparent reason. How I hated this feeling of helplessness. I hated my body. My soul suffered and my body reacted for it.

My eyes filled with tears as my arms wrapped around my torso. I felt so lonely in this dark room and, at the same time, I did not want anyone to see me in that state. I felt that my body was fighting with its last strength and threatened to lose this war.

***

The coffee in the machine was gross. Looking at the dark broth I got lost in my thoughts. How long had I known Kads? She was one of the most important people in my life. We had passed very deep valleys, always finding a way out. We were as different as day and night, yet we had so much in common. Carefully I raised my head and looked towards the door of the room. I was worried because as much as I struggled with that thought, I felt deep in my heart that the situation was ugly. I swore I was going to give everything to help her ...

A noisy hallway brought me out of my thoughts. I looked around and saw the nurses running frantically down the hallways. Confused, I wondered what had happened until I saw reason come. With a smile I got up ...

»You did! Come here! «

We hold each other tightly staying for minutes like this. We both needed that friendly hug.

»Karan, what did the doctors say? Please tell me everything. Why is Kajol here? «

I released myself from the hug and sat down. My eyes went back to the door ...

»Kajol has been through a lot in the past few weeks. She feels weak and exhausted. She has panic attacks and physical symptoms that scare her. After Kajol almost passed out in my arms, I brought her here. Yesterday they carried out several tests. But we still do not have results. We must keep waiting. «

Looking up I saw the concern in his eyes ...

***

I carefully approached her door. I knew she would feel me. I put my hand on the door and closed my eyes.

"Please feel Kajol that I am here. You do not have to worry. I will do my best to make you feel better. Even if I have to give my life!"

» Shahrukh! Please do not come in ... not yet. Let her sleep a little. She needs strength. «

I turned around and went back to Karan sitting next to him.

Looking at the coffee machine

»How is it? «

Karan smiled winking at me

»Better not try it!«

We both wanted to laugh, but the situation and the pressure we felt did not allow it.

»Karan, what can we do?«

Karan looked at me sadly as his words were spoken so softly that they were barely audible ...

»Shahrukh, we can only hope and trust God. Kajol is a strong woman and she will win this fight. «

I looked at the door again. She was only a few meters from me, and yet there were worlds between us.

In the hallways, word had now spread of who was in that room and who was sitting outside the door. He had to protect her and us.

» Pooja! Please speak to responsible persons. Take Ravi with you and try to cordon off this area for a bit.«

Kajol now needs to rest and should not be disturbed. Karan looked at me and smiled.

»Shahrukh, don't worry." I will fix it. I will go and try that we can be alone on this floor. «

They all left me, and I sat in front of their door. I felt Kajol in every fiber of my body knowing that she was deep in her heart waiting for me. I could not wait any longer. I looked around seeing that no one was around. I got up and took a few steps, sighing heavily. Very carefully I opened the door ...

There she was ... Seeing her face in the moonlight I enter the room. Kajol was asleep and I went to her bed. My heart was screaming in pain ... how could I help her? I gently took her hand and brought it to my lips. I felt so helpless. What was the use of being a Shahrukh Khan if I could not save this person's life! The woman who gave meaning to my life. My tears slid down my face, gently falling onto her hand as my lips touched her. Kajol slept peacefully while I sat next to her and put my head on the edge of the bed. She wanted to feel every beat of her heart. She needed me and I needed her ...

***

I had heard the door to the room, but I did not have to make sure who was coming in. I felt that Shahrukh was here. My heart had told me, but did I want that? Could I continue to deprive myself of what my heart and soul asked for? I felt Shahrukh take my hand and kiss it. No! I could not deprive myself more of what I needed so much. Tears fell down my cheeks when I opened my eyes and saw that Shahrukh had his head by my side. I gently stroked his hair and our gazes met in the moonlight. We did not say a word ... Shahrukh got up and lay down on the bed laying my head on her chest. For the first time in weeks, my heart calmed, and I was able to fall asleep ...