Eternal Loneliness 💯

Chapter 18

The light dimmed and the people around me closed their eyes. I looked out the window seeing how the night covered us like a soft duvet. What had I done wrong in my life? I wanted to change my life without having thought about the consequences ... Of course, I longed for this new section, but had it been worth leaving love? I couldn't help feeling that I had made the wrong decision for the first time in my life.

***

The morning started with a bit of excitement because I had some appointments. I had accepted new projects that should now be implemented. But today everything was different. My energy was gone ... everything hurt. I felt every muscle and it hurt tremendously. Something took my breath away, causing dizziness. But I could not and did not want to accept these symptoms ... I had to work. I changed and left the house in a hurry. When I got to the set, I immediately went into my dressing room. It was like always, and yet I felt a huge difference. I didn't know why, but I wasn't feeling well. At no time did I manage to learn my text, much less focus on the scenes. I kept interrupting my scenes and trying to recover. But nothing helped. I had no choice but to interrupt the day and go home with a strange feeling.

***

They were waiting for me when I got to New York. Everyone greeted me warmly and I tried to suppress my mood. I didn't want anyone with me, and I just wanted to keep the memory alive in my heart ... I felt with each person ... with each hand I gave ... and with each new smell ... as if I lost that memory step by step so alive in my soul. This hurt so much that I felt my heart break without a chance to heal it. But I had to work ... I put on my famous smile and gave a friendly greeting to everyone.

***

»Everything is going according to plan... Shahrukh has landed and is in a good mood. Let's have something to eat and discuss everything else. I'm waiting for your instructions ... «

I closed my phone and smiled. I really did it. Now everything would find its way. I would fly back to Mumbai tomorrow and get my wife's heart back step by step ...

***

The days passed each time feeling something in me ... Something had changed in my life in which I had no influence. I fought against that by losing all battles. Panic spread through me causing my heartbeat to buckle after every little movement. I could no longer handle the smallest tasks, let alone live my daily life. Something had come into my life without realizing it, stealing my strength and courage and leaving fear and mistrust. At night I looked into the distance feeling tired, but sleepless longing for that warm shoulder ... tears filled my eyes burning in my soul ... I had never felt this fear before. Every fiber in my body fought against this unknown force with no chance of winning. I looked up at the sky looking for a sign ... something that would give me strength in these bad times ...

I kept looking at my phone ... I was looking for him ... How should I say now "I need you now, here and immediately ..." No, I couldn't do it. I closed his contact and opened a new one ...

"Hello, can you come now, please? I need help ... IMMEDIATELY!"

With my last strength I closed my eyes.

***

After the initial problems on the set, everything seemed to be going well today. We were able to shoot different scenes and for the first time I felt comfortable. Every day I liked the script more, which caused me to get better and better on paper. I had missed the bustle around me. I felt the energy in me again, making me invulnerable. Without realizing it, someone had approached ...

»Hello Shahrukh! «

Surprised, I turned around and looked into those black almond-shaped eyes!

»Hello Mahira«

Embarrassed, I immediately looked down. I didn't want her to see my admiration. I had heard a lot about her but had never met her personally. A beautiful and intelligent woman.

Shahrukh, I am very happy. I appreciate you very much and I hope that I spends an unforgettable time with you! «

Mahira gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and disappeared. Confused, I looked around, smiling softly. With my hand, I carefully wiped her red lipstick off my cheek, watching her pull away from me.

The day passed quickly which made it easy for me to go home. At night life in New York woke up. I loved seeing everything from our terrace, but that night I felt worry ... I immediately had to think about Kajol. I looked at my phone and looked for his contact. I opened it and saw that it was online. I didn't think twice and wrote ...

"Hi Kajol. I know you don't count on me. But I was just thinking about you and I had to greet you ... I know you don't want to hear it, but believe me, I miss you. There is no second in which I don't think about you. I've had a lot of time to think about everything and I want to find a way to clarify everything. You told me you wanted to change some things. But please give me the opportunity to be part of this change. I need you in my life ... I love you ... "

The message reached Kajol and the check marks immediately turned blue ... But I didn't get a response ...

***

I opened my eyes with the buzz in my hand. I looked at the phone and read the lines ... but the last force in my body was no longer enough.

The phone went down and with it my last hope ...