Eternal Loneliness 💯

Chapter 16

The days passed when I dedicated myself to various projects. I was trying not to think about Kajol. Distraction was what my soul was looking for these days. Pooja kept my back free so I could fully focus on my things. But moments alone in the dead of night hurt me. I was trying to distract myself, but it was not possible. The crack in my heart was too deep. Why couldn't Kajol accept my decision? I knew her and knew how stubborn she could be. I had not decided against her! I had only made one decision that affected my career.

The time in Singapore was good for me. I loved this country. Here I could breathe freely without thinking what I was doing or killing the head of who could see me. Here it was just Kajol. Mother of two children who was going through a difficult time in her life. I enjoyed the time with my children. But the nights became eternal. I closed my eyes and saw him ... and felt him ... I needed him in my life. But I couldn't go back. Shahrukh had made the decision against us.

The weeks passed without contact. Of course, we heard something from the other. More than once I surrendered to the feeling and Googled it to see what he was currently doing, but we hadn't seen each other. Every time I heard his name, my heart stopped, and I felt again this enormous pain in my chest. It wasn't that I was hiding, but I didn't feel the need to see someone or have someone around me. I wanted to be alone. I canceled appointments and events. Whether I wanted to or didn't have to admit that I didn't want to meet Shahrukh.

»Kajol? «

I panic. I hadn't listened to Rani for a second.

»Kajol? What is? I must continue! You know I only came for a moment ... «

Rani had realized that I was not in the conversation. Again, she explained that she was going to wait for me at the birthday party. I gently brushed a lock of hair from my face and accepted, embarrassed. It would probably be good for me to get a little bit among people. Rani said goodbye and left me alone.

I still had in mind what Rani had done to us. But I had to accept that she was family. My mother and aunts had done their best to get us to sit down at a table again. And I had to accept it. After many conversations I understood Rani. She had shown me the affection she had for me, I accepted it, but I couldn't forgive her. It had hurt too much at the time.

A few days later, I was on my way to the birthday party. Our car was looking for passage through the crowded streets of Mumbai. Yug had the gift and I was looking forward to this quiet night among friends and family. This is exactly what I needed now. We passed through the grand entrance and our car stopped. I opened the door and Rani received us with a big intimate hug.

»Kajol, I'm so glad you decided to come. «

I smiled at Rani and kissed her cheek gently.

»Your mother and sister have already arrived. Come on let's go to the garden. «

We crossed the entrance hall and went back to see the photos of our discussion. Shahrukh had protected me then. Today I had sacrificed myself for a project. I had to forget those thoughts. I smiled strongly and kept walking. All the people were in the garden. I greeted everyone warmly and then went with my sister. We have something to eat and talk. I felt good that afternoon. I had snatched myself out of a world full of thoughts and pain.

Night fell on Mumbai and the lights and torches were lit in the garden. I was talking to my mother relaxed and happy when the sip I had taken from my glass caught in my throat. Could it really be?

I entered the garden and stopped for a moment. I was hoping to meet her here. I had explicitly asked Rani if Kajol was coming. I had prepared myself for this situation. I had done everything possible to master this situation. But now I had seen her and everything I had prepared was gone. Just seeing her made my heartbeat faster. Let my breath catch. I missed so much just seeing and feeling her. It was the reason for my existence. I had to talk with her. I had to try everything.