Eternal Loneliness 💯

Chapter 20

The days passed and I felt worse and worse. Everyone around me noticed my change, but everyone assumed that the reason for this would be the situation with Shahrukh. No one dared speak to me. Everyone respected my decision and that is why I suffered in silence and in secret every day. I had good days, but these no longer gave me enough strength to survive the bad days. I suffered from panic attacks which made me feel that it was not worth living. I had transformed from a strong and independent woman to a suffering girl. I kept trying to get up, recover my spirits and fight, but day by day this power became more difficult. What an irony of life that when I needed Shahrukh the most, he did not want to be by my side.

With great force I managed my workdays without major incidents. I noted that emotional stress, whether positive or negative, had a major impact on these relapses. So, the photos I saw of Shahrukh shocked me even more. I took my tablet and sat down. I felt my broken heart breaking into even smaller parts. Mahira was a beautiful intelligent woman and even in these images you could see how close they felt. No one knew Shahrukh like me, so I could interpret this aspect very well.

For the first time in months, I felt Shahrukh again. I let it go because I did not have the strength to resist that feeling. I felt his joy and ambition in every fiber of my body, but I could not take a step back. How should it be? No, I could not let it happen. I looked at the photos again and my eyes filled with tears. I have never felt so lonely and abandoned.

I needed a strong shoulder now ... arms to hug me and give me that strength ... I needed help ... otherwise I would not survive this fight ...

"Can you come please? I need you now!"

***

Our days of shooting passed, and I felt more comfortable with Mahira by my side. We knew each other better and trusted her more and more. She gave me the support I so desperately needed in this new phase of my life. We spent part of our free time together and we could talk about everything. Something was bothering me, but I could not define what it was. Maybe it was just because I have not wanted to trust anyone since Kajol. I did not want anyone to break my heart again. I could not just get Kajol out of my life. She was my soulmate ... my great love and the only woman who had managed to make my heart speak.

»Shahrukh?«

Mahira tore me out of my thoughts ...

»Shahrukh, are you coming? We have our next scene ... We were already looking for you. «

Mahira held out her hand. I looked around embarrassed and scratched my head.

»Yes, I just wanted to smoke and relax a little. Today is a long day. I needed a little break ... «

Mahira looked at me with her beautiful eyes and smiled ...

»Come on, we only have one scene left. With that we are ready for today! «

I was about to take her hand when her phone rang. She looked at him and her eyes darkened. Something had happened. She immediately put the phone in her pocket and tried to find her smile again, which she could not do.

»Mahira? Everything is alright? «

But Mahira did not answer me. She looked at me with a sad smile and just nodded. Who had contacted you? Something was wrong.

We went to our seats without saying a word and tried to film our scene, but Mahira seemed lost in her thoughts. I kept helping her with her text passages, but it made no sense. I grabbed her arm and carried her behind me until we were out of sight of the others.

»Mahira, damn, what did it say in that message? Your thoughts are elsewhere, and you cannot focus. «

Mahira just looked at me but said nothing.