A Story That Will Never Die {Henry Mills/OUAT} [2]

It Hurts...

***

I sat in the room that was staying in at the Salvatore Boarding House. I sat with my knees up to my chest and my legs wrapped around them. I stared at the blank wall in front of me, my back facing away from the door. You'd think that I would still be crying, but I'm not. I feel nothing. Well, nothing except for the stabbing pain in my heart and the memories that will be stuck in my mind forever.

Forever... That word has many different meanings now that I think about it. Forever could be something good... and it usually is. Except for in my case. Forever for me is something very bad. I have to live with the pain of killing my own father forever. I have to go on and deal with that for the rest of my life. I... I don't want to do that. Why can't I just have the life I've always wanted?

The life where I had a mother who loved me. A life where I had a sister who actually acted like one, one where we knew about Ella and we all accepted her into the family, one where I didn't have magic. One where my father was alive. I just want the life that I have always dreamed about. But... you can't always get what you want. And that absolutely sucks.

Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to be born with magic? Why do I have a mother who hates me? Why did I have to kill my father? Why did I have to live my life the way I did? Is having a good life really that much to ask for?

Even though I was thinking all of this, I still couldn't shed another tear. It's probably just the shock. The pain hit me first and now the shock is taking a grip on me. It doesn't even feel like I'm in my own body. I feel like I'm just watching myself and feeling the actual pain. The emotional pain that hurts so much that you can actually physically feel it. The absolute worse kind of pain, in my opinion.

I could feel myself get pulled back down into my senses when I heard the door open. I didn't turn to see who it was. My body feel like it was paralyzed. No matter how much I wanted to move, I wouldn't be able to. It's not like I wanted to move anyways. It actually felt sort of comforting just staying completely still. Nothing could hurt me if I stayed like this. Only the pain and memories were the only things that could.

I heard slow and cautious footsteps walk over to me then a hand being placed on my shoulder. My head was the first thing to move in awhile when the person did that. I looked up at the person to see Charlotte looking down at me with a sympathetic smile on her face. I almost wanted to go off on her right then. I didn't want someone to be sympathetic towards me. I wanted someone who can actually understand what I'm going through. But that'll never happen. No one has had their father appear after so many years and then you have to kill him because of some disease.

She sat down beside of me and started to rub my arm in comfort, "Aria. I'm sorry about what happened. But you have to come out, you haven't eaten anything since before what happened and that was yesterday," Really? It felt like it was only moments ago when I had done it. I didn't react to what she said and still stared at the wall, "Aria, I understand what you're going thro-"

That was the final straw for me. I yanked my arm away from her grip and stood up to face her. I had a look of anger and sadness on my face as I looked at her. She seemed a little shocked by my actions, but I didn't care. Not right now, "How can you say that? You understand? Really?" I scoffed.

Charlotte stood up and started reaching out for me, "Aria-"

I took a step back, "No! No! You don't understand! You do not understand at all what I'm going through! No one else has had to experience this type of pain that I'm going through," She didn't try to come closer. She only stood there while I raged on. I moved some of the hair out of my face, "My mother has hated me my whole life! She hated the fact that I had magic like her sister, who she killed, and she felt the need to hate me for something I couldn't control! She turned my own sister against me and the only one who stood by me was my father! He taught me mostly everything I know! He was the one who taught me how to walk, and talk, and play the piano, and whole lot more!"

I took a deep breath and I didn't stop there, "Then my mother killed him! Or so we thought! She killed him because she wanted power! That didn't work out for her though, no, it didn't! The crown was supposed to go to me when I turned a certain age and then... Do you wanna know what she did? She said that she was going to kill me if I ever found out! Just like," I started crying again... That's funny. I thought I was out of tears, "Just like she did my father. I left and met other people. She killed one of them and drove the other away and she did a lot more too! Then I get here and find out my father is alive after all of these years. Only to find out he has some disease that there was no cure for!"

"I went into his mind and I got to talk to him, and hug him, and just be there with him! Something that I haven't been able to do in years! I actually made amends with him for leaving, come to find out, he had to leave again! Not the type of leaving where they pack all their stuff and then they go somewhere else, no, life is too cruel for that! It was the type of leaving where they didn't get the chance to pack up their stuff, to actually go somewhere else, or even to see another day! And the worse thing," My voice cracked as I tried to get the words out. "And the worst thing is that I was the one to kill him... Me... His own daughter. So don't- Don't you dare say that you understand what I'm going through because you don't."

I sat down on the bed again and cried into my hands. I had finally lost it. All of the pain that had been numbed hit me all at once and it was not a good feeling. It hurt more than anything. It hurts... Charlotte sat down beside of me and hugged me, bringing me close to her, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay."

I shook my head, but didn't move out of her grip, "No. No, it's not. I never wanted to come here. I never asked to come here. I am away from the people that I love and consider family. I killed my dad and I didn't want to. It's like life only brought him back just to take him away again. I'd thought we'd have more time, but... But we didn't. I at least thought we would have just enough time for one more song. Just one more," I sobbed and Charlotte held me tighter, "It hurts! It hurts so bad that I can't stand it! I don't want to feel this! I just want everything to be okay again! I want to go home..."

I ended up crying for a lot longer than I wanted to. I couldn't stop myself no matter how much I tried. Charlotte stayed with me the whole time. Not saying anything, but just being with me. I ended up crying myself to sleep.