i miss you

Day Uno

*Erika's POV*

I sat there, staring blankley at the wall, letting the reality of the day sink in. Tears fogged my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. It was the day of my best friends funeral, and never before have I cried at a funeral, and I don't plan on starting at this one. Not because I'm afraid to let people see me cry, well that is one factor, but the main reason...I know that once I start, I won't be able to stop.

My door started to slightly open, I only knew that because I heard its hushed squeak, but I couldn't tear my gaze from the wall. If I did, the tears would start.

"You about ready?" My mom softly asked as she sat down on the bed next to me.

Am I about ready to see my best friend of six years be burried six feet under, never to be seen again? No.

I was finally able to move my stare from the blue wall, to the bracelet that was wrapped around my wrist. It was a simple pink and blue braided string that Mary made me the second day we became friends. Over the years, she's given me other gifts, like blankets and fancier jewlrey, but this bracelet has always and will forever be my favorite thing. It represented a promise we made that day. To be best friends forever.

Am I about ready to face my biggest fear, losing a loved one? Not at all.

A single tear rolled down my face, but before my mom could see it, I swiped it off and sighed.

Fuck this. I thought to myself as I got up off my bed.

"Y-yeah." I chocked out, sounding more hoarse than I had planned, but what did I expect after not eating, drinking or sleeping for days?

"Erika," my mom's voice stopped me as I made my way to my door. I turned around in aknowledgemt. "You don't have to be strong right now. I know how badly it hurts."

I listened to her words for a moment before slightly shaking my head and whispering under my breath, only loud enough for me to hear, "No you don't."

...

On the car ride over to the church, all I could think about was that first day we met. I was that shy, quiet girl who only spoke when spoken to, which was hardly ever.

I was sitting alone in English, my favorite subject, my head glued to the newest book I had gotten. I was just about to hit the climax, and nothing was going to pull me out of the trance I was in. Or so I thought.

"Hi! I'm Mary Michaels!" A peppy voice said.

I didn't even look up, I just nodded, keeping my eyes on the page.

"What's your name?" She pressed on.

I figured the only way to get rid of her would to answer her, so I looked up with a smile and told her my name, "Erika." And that was that, or so I thought.

"I love that name!" She said, I nodded. "What are you reading?"

"A book." I shrugged, but she seemed interested, which was unusual for someone to like books like I do. "I'm not sure you'll like it."

"I like to read. My favorite book is The Promise of Amazing." Mary scooted out the empty chair that sat across from me and took her place.

"You like to read too?" I asked happily.

"Well, yeah!" She laughed. She had a really pretty laugh, it was a funny giggle, but it was just soft enough to be nice. "So what book is that?"

I held up the book up so she could see, "Its called Lush. I'm not-"

"That's a good one! Kinda has a happy/sad ending." She answered with a soft smile, and a second later, I realized I was smiling back because I had just made my first friend ever.

The rest of class, I put my book down, and Mary and I whispered about everything while the teacher was talking. I couldn't seem to shut up. I just went on and on, until she had something to say and I'd listen, fully engaged because what she had to say, was always so funny.

After english, we found out that we had the same lunch, so while trying to find a seat, Mary suggested going to sit by the lonely brown headed girl. I quickly shook my head. I didn't really like meeting new people, Mary had just been an exception.

"Oh come on! There is no where else, and she looks all alone." Without waiting for my agreement, my new friend carried her tray of cafeteria food over to the girl and sat down at the table. I couldn't help but to follow, keeping my head down shyly. 

"Hi. I'm Mary Michaels. And this is Erika..." Mary looked at me, signialing for me to tell this stranger my last name.

"Ryder. I'm Erika Ryder." I introduced myself and awkwardly sat down across from Mary.

"Uhh..I'm Kaitlyn. Stevens." She stated, completely confused as to what was going on.

"Do you mind if we sit here? There isn't anywhere else to sit." Mary asked.

"...Oh, yeah..." Kaitlyn whispered, her eyes and face falling into a frown, "I'll go." She said as she picked up her tray. Just as she was about to stand up, I spoke up.

"No, you don't have to go. We meant with you. Like is that okay if we sit here with you?"

If you've ever seen a Christmas tree light up on Christmas Eve, you know the feeling of happiness that flows through your system as you see the lights shine brightly all across the tree. Well that was nothing compared to the smile that lit up on Kaitlyns face. And some how, that happiness spread through Mary and me.

I'm guessing she has never had a friend either. "Thanks," she said happily, and the tone she used to say that word, proved my hypothesis correct.

"I know we are all going to be best friends. I can just feel it." Mary smiled.

"I can too," I quietly whispered to myself as I spun the braided string around and around my wrist, my mind finding its way back to the present. I sat in the back seat of my moms black Escalade, looking out the water streaked window. Water poured from the sky, as if the clouds were mourning my best friends death as well.