i miss you

Mix Tape

It had been two weeks since I left my best friend of six years behind at that ever haunting cemetery. The sun rose and set every morning, and usually I was awake before it appeared in my window and stayed up until it shown through my blinds the next morning. Needless to say, I never slept. I couldn't. I tried sleeping the night of her funeral, and the night after, but in the end, I got the same results.

Both nights I would close my eyes in the darkness of my room, lay my head against my pillow, but within a second, all calmness would leave and memories of Mary and I would cross my mind until I realized I cried myself to sleep. An hour or two into that restless sleep, a conversation I had with her mom replayed in my dreams causing me to wake drenched in a bed full of sweat.

Tonight, I tried my best to put away any thought of my friend Mary as I promptly tucked myself in, praying for a good nights sleep. I looked out my window and saw the light of the moon as it lit up the sky.

"Its real pretty tonight isn't it, Ryde?" Mary asked me with a nickname only she and Kaitlyn used as she pushed back my curtains and yanked open my blinds. I couldn't help but direct my attention out the window to see what she was seeing.

"Uhmm..sure!" I looked at the bright moon, seeing nothing special. 

My sarcastic remark earned me a sharp look from Mary. "Are you serious? Look at it! Like really look at it." I did as I was asked, knowing I couldn't just ignore her because she would continue to nag me all night.

Moving my green eyes from the bright sky to the huge white circle hanging right outside of my window, I looked for something spectacular, but frowned when I saw nothing but the moon. "I don't get it."

"Look. Do you see the sun anywhere?" She asked, which completely took me off gaurd. What a dumb question.

"Uh...No? The sun sets when the moon rises." I answered.

"Exactly. How do you not see the beauty in that? The sun loves the moon so much that she will disappear so the moon can show her love to the world. If not for the sun, we wouldn't know of the moon's existence. Because of the sun, the moon lives. And for that, the moon is ever greatful so he radiates her love by using her light every night. It's simply the most romantic love story of all time." 

Inevitably, my thoughts were drawn to that memory, but unlike the other nights, tonight I was able to detect where my feelings were going and I was able to stop them before tears spilled out of my eyes. With a loud, almost angry sigh, I roughly threw my blankets off my slinder body and padded across the wooden floor of my room to my computer desk. I opened my white Mac laptop and let out a deep breath. 

What was I even doing here? I refused to check any social media shit I had because I knew what I would find. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

She loved you.

At least she is in a better place.

If I heard another heartless, unmeaningful, robotic remark about my other halfs death, I would lose it. So no media for me. For a long time. 

So what am I doing on my computer? Just as I was reaching to close it, my cell phone rang and my attention refocused on answering the call. No one would be calling me this late at night unless...

"Kaitlyn?! Are you okay?" I answered immediatley, almost breathless as my heart skipped many beats due to my complete fear of something being wrong with her. 

"I'm...uhmm...Erika, are you busy?" She softly asked, sounding a bit distracted, but all and all, she sounded fine under the circumstances. 

"Nah, I was on my computer. I couldn't sleep, but I have nothing to do on that thing, so I was just about to try and sleep again but then you called."