i miss you

Losing Grip

*Erika's POV*

I was lying in my bed, music playing softly in the background, lights dimmed, trying to think about everything. Just yesterday I was sitting at lunch with Kaitlyn when I got a Twitter notification.

@Erikaaa_07 what the hell? who are you?

What? I didn't even know this chick? and then another one.

@Erikaaa_07 back off. he is mine.

The entire day was filled with these random tweets from girls I didn't know. Everyonce in a while I would get a really sweet message which caught me of guard, but...like, what the heck? Once school ended, I went to Kaitlyn's house so I could see if she knew anything about what was going on.

"It's happening to you too?" She asked as we sat on her bed, scrolling through our news feed. I just nodded, feeling the cut of each hated word directed at me. "What is it? I mean, they aren't even just talking about Ash and Luke. It's Michael and Cal too." 

"Wait, what do you mean?" Her words snapped me out of the world I was stuck in.

"Well, I mean the tweets aren't singling out our guys. Everyone hates us. No matter which guy is their favorite."

"Not mine. I'm only getting hate from Ashton girls. But how? How do they know who I am?" I asked her, but no response came from my best friend. "Katy?"

"Oh, what?" She turned her face to look at me and I noticed the laughter in her eyes. 

"What's so funny?" I asked, a little irritated that she was finding this whole thing funny. All day I had been getting so much hate, and all my best friend did was laugh. 

"Oh nothing really. Luke is just cracking me up. Nothing new." she laughed, but I couldn't help from rolling my eyes. All this hate was killing me and I don't even know what the fuck I did. Immediatley once I realized she didn't give a shit about anything but Luke, I left her house and went to the saftey of my room. So here I am, laying on top of my unmade bed thinking about everything. 

I've been through so much in the last half year. I can't breathe. Just when I think things are getting better, something manages to make me feel worse. But its not just that anymore. Right now the thing that hurts the most is the fact that the only thing that makes the pain better is what is crushing me. Ashton has a way of turning the worst day into the best day just by hearing his silly giggle. I started to smile, forgetting the days earlier events but then my phone buzzed and without thinking, I looked down at more hate mail.

@Erikaaa_07 You're worthless. What does he see in you?

That's it. I can no longer take the burning pain in my chest. I needed a distraction. Getting up from my bed, I walked over to the black bandanna resting on my dresser. A few weeks ago I had to take it off for senior pictures and I decided to keep my razors in there as a reminder of what the black cloth represented. But tonight, I said screw that as I lifted the silver blade from its place and pressed the against the pale skin on my wrist. The moment I saw the blood, I became obsessed. Only one more I told myself. But soon enough, one turned into two, two into three and so on. I was placing the tip of the blade on my wrist to go for another cut when suddenly I heard my phone ring.

I took the blade off my skin, and walked over to my bed, holding my stinging wrist in my hand.

Shit. I thought as I looked at the name. In a panic, I grabbed the black bandana and tied it on my wrist, covering the fresh wounds. If I saw those scars while talking to Ash, I wouldn't be able to keep the guilt out of my voice. By the time I was finished, I had missed the call. Thank God. Now I have time to breathe. I softly proud on my bed and curled up into a ball on my side, looking out the window. I can't do this. I can't know Ashton. Obviously he or one of the guys had mentioned me and Kaitlyn somewhere and now the entire girl population hates us. I can't have this in my life. The phone beside me begged for me to pick it up and call Ashton to tell him we can't be friends. Its only fair to him.