i miss you

The Funeral

"Does anyone have any last words they'd like to say for the dearly beloved?" The preacher asked, looking over the abundance of people Mary had gathered today.

I looked around the small red room. Its small size was comforting, and the dark shade was calming. Everything about the room held signs that it was supposed to help the grieving mourn their lost ones in a soft atmosphere, but no matter how comforting something or someone appeared, nothing was going to lessen the pain in my chest.

"Hi. I'm Milly, Mary's sister," a small four year old with bouncing red curls said as she stood at the podium, being held by the preacher. "My sister didn't really like me, but I luff her. But sometimes she will play barbies wiff me and that's nice. Mommy says sissy lives in a big house now, and I really hope she has barbies there so we can play together sometime."

I watched as little Milly happily jumped off the lifted stage and ran straight into her sobbing mother's arms. I looked around the room and saw the small smiles of others and a moment later, I realized for the first time since my best friends death, I too was smiling.

"Thank you little Milly. That was lovely. Would anyone else like to share a story or just send kind words to our dear Mary?" The preacher guy asked again and in that moment I knew what I had to do. With one sideways glance at my other best friend, I stood and slowly walked to stand in front of the familiar faces. As I stood there, I recognized a few classmates, a couple friends of ours, Mary's close family and her distant relatives. I blinked my eyes closed, batting away newly formed tears caused by the reality of how loved Mary was. "Hello, my name is Erika Ryder." I started before taking a deep breath. I had no idea how these things worked, so I prayed I wouldn't screw this up. "Mary was my bestfriend. I could stand up here and go on and on about how awesome she was. I could talk about how no matter in what situation, she could turn any frown upseide down. I could say something like, in all the years of knowing and being with Mary, I have never seen the sparkle in her eye dim even in the slightest." I shifted my posture, hoping that would distract my watering eyes for a moment before continuing.

"But thats not why I'm up here. I came up here to share a time in our friendship with you in hope you will walk out of here knowing that even without our loud mouthed Mary, our world will not be silenced forever." As I continued to speak and reminisce on the story I shared, my thoughts started to drift. My mouth continued telling the story while my mind clouded with memories and my head fogged with Mary's voice. I hadn't even realized tears had falled from my eyes until I felt one land on my hand that rested on the podium. Redirecting my thoughts to focus on the story that floated from my mouth I noticed I was nearing the end. "The words she said that night as I cried into her shoulder before drifting to sleep will stay with me forever. Mary whispered into my ear, 'Close your eyes and listen to the world. You hear that? That sound is life, and thats the most beautiful thing the Earth has to offer.'" I took a deep breath as I connected the story to the grief we all felt now.

"I want each of you to close your eyes and listen." At my instructions, I watched every pair of swollen eyes shut without hesitation. "Do you hear that? Doy ou hear what Mary was talking about? Do you hear the breating ofothers? The sniffles as everyone grieves? If you listen close enough, can you hear the birds sing their songs outside the windows?" There were a few nods throughout the tiny room but as everyone slowly opened their eyes, I saw a sadness worse than before and I knew exactly why. "I want you to close your eyes again, but this time don't listen to the world. I want you to picture Mary's smile. Listen to her laugh. Hear her tell you a story."

Closing my own eyes, I did exactly what I told them to do. The darkness I saw was soon brightened up as an image of my best friend appeared in my mind. A smile even touched my lips as I heard her laugh clear as day. "Do you hear that?" I whispered softly, but they all heard me. "That is the most beautiful thing the Earth has to offer."

...

Standing outside, everyone gathered around the black casket, soon to be burried six feet under, never again to see the light of day, I held on tightly to my other best friends hand and leaned on her for support, offering my own kind of comfort. She hasn't said much, but that's completely normal. All three of us girls had our own way of handling tough situations. Mary saw the positive, the light at the end of the tunnel even if the darkness stretched on for miles. I usually became upset with the world until eventually I broke down and talked about whatever it was to my friends. Kaitlyn, she never said a word. She kept it to berslef, working through the situation by herself until she got it figured out, then she would share the problem with us.

"Erika?" I heard a soft whisper from Kaitlyn.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come over tonight?" She asked as if I would say no. I needed her now more than ever. I acted like I was strong, I gave my speech, telling everyone that it was all going to be okay. I even smiled. The truth is, inside, I'm just a broken glass waiting to shatter.

"Please." I answered as tears stung my eyes once more.