i miss you

The Accident

*Erika's POV*

"It was an accident. But in the end, she killed herself." I started off, playing with the bandanna on my wrist. I'll never take this off. "No one really knows the details of what she was thinking, but because I was so close to her, I can guess." I took a deep breath as the truth hit me. I was getting ready to tell a stranger my best friend's biggest secret. "Mary was uhmm.. she was pregnant." Ashton's eyes widened at the new information and I took that as my cue to continue. "No one knew it of course until the autopsy. She was only a couple weeks in, but the pills she took killed both her and the baby."

"So she overdosed?" He asked.

"Sort of." He gave me a confused look. "Hang on. I'm getting there. Patience is the key Mr. Irwin." Finally, I was able to joke again. To smile. To talk as if the world around me wasn't falling apart. I took a moment to look over the guy who was responisble for this sudden change. His inviting green eyes were captivating. They held so much care, and worry, and sweetness. They were a jumble of emotion and all at once, I realized I was falling for this cute drummer. I couldn't help but smile. I moved my eyes to the dimples that slowly started to appear. 

"What?" He asked.

I shook my head, regaining focus, but the smile wouldn't leave my lips. "Nothing. Anyways, that night, the day she," I took a deep breath, "died, she was acting really weird. Kaitlyn and I both noticed, but it wasn't a big enough deal for us to call her out on it. She was being really clumsy. Tripping over the curb, having trouble starting the car, and her hands were shaking the entire night. But she wasn't just being weird physically, she was also, like all over me and Katy. She hugged us continuously, and told us she loved us and that she never wanted us to go. At first, we thought it was just because of the movie we saw. She gets kind of emotional over chick flicks," I added that side note so it would be easier for Ashton to understand why I didn't do something. Maybe I added that side note for me, trying to erase some of the guilt. 

"When she dropped me off at my house, she jumped out of the car and hugged me goodbye. I didn't realize it would be our last goodbye or I would have held on longer." As the words left my mouth, I felt Ashton's arms tighten around my waist, as if to hold me together. All I did was smile before continuing. "I went into my room and woke up to my mom telling me that she was gone. The next day, my family met Kaitlyn's over at Mary's house and we grieved with her family. Her mom told us that she just didn't wake up. They called the ambulence and that night they found out that there were too much toxins in her blood, meaning an overdose." I went quiet as I finished my story, but Ash still looked like he didn't quite understand everything. 

"You said it was an accident. What do you mean? You can't accidently take one too many pills and expect to wake up."

"Oh, right. Well, like I said, I know her really well. I can't say this for sure, but I think this is what happened. I think she was trying to kill the baby. Not herself. Mary...she was everyone's favorite. She was perfect in everyone's eyes. She didn't make mistakes. I think she took the pills throughout the day, trying to harm her little imperfection before anyone knew about it but when she went to sleep, her body just...gave out because of all the pills."

I looked at Ash after a second of silence. I wanted him to say something. Anything. I wanted him to tell me I was right, that she didn't really want to leave the world we had together. That she didn't mean to leave  me to be all alone. But he didn't. He stayed silent, looking over my face before finally settling on my eyes. 

He used his hand to brush away blonde strands that had fallen in my face before he slightly nodded. "I'm here now." I had never heard someone speak so quietly yet so loudly. His words sent a shiver through my body. It was as if he had read my mind.