i miss you

Say Yes

*Kaitlyn's POV*

"Really? Can I?" I gasped. 

His nod was fast. "Of course you can. I want you to go." He said and I let my self imagine what it would be like to tour with the guys.

"Is...Is Erika going?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer because no matter how I felt about Luke, I couldn't leave my best friend while I went away with them.

"Ashton is asking her. I'm not sure what she said, but she is invited." And then I realized for the first time today, that I hadn't seen him anywhere. 

"Where is he?" 

"He got another room for Erika and him last night." That comment took me completely off guard. He did what?! "Don't get mad at her. I told her not to tell, because I wanted to surprise you today." He quickly added. 

"Wait, are they...did they...?" I didn't know how to ask, but I think Luke got the idea as he shook his head.

"Ashton would never take advantage of a girl like that. I'm sure they just ate some pizza and went to bed." He said casually, which made me calm down a bit until I thought about the groceries I had bought. 

"Oh crap!" I cried.

"What?" 

"I brought popcorn and chocolate and milk, but I guess I dropped the bag when I was running from Michael. I'm going to look for it because you put me in the mood for something sweet."

 A smile spread on his lips, "Don't worry about it. I'll have Michael grab find it before him and Cal come back up to watch a movie with us."

"Uhmm, incase you have forgotten, Michael kinda hates me."

Luke pulled his phone out of his pocket, pressed some buttons before smiling again. "Exactly." There was a second of silence before Michael answered the call.

"What?" He snapped.

"Hey dude, calm down. Katy thinks she dropped her bag of groceries in the stairs, will you grab them then meet us in the room?"

"Oh, now you want me there? She that quick of a fu-"

"Shut up and get up here." Then he hung up. "He'll be right up. When he gets here, run up to him and hug him, he will immediatley forgive you." Luke chirpped. And sure enough, within five minutes, Michael and Calum walked through the door.  

Thinking about Luke's words, I jumped up off the bed and flew into Michaels arms. I could tell he was taken completely off guard becuse his entire body went stiff, his arms refusing to wrap around me, but I didn't let go. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out." I mumbled into his chest, hoping he would forgive me. The second his arms wrapped around me, I knew everything was okay. 

"You shouldn't apologize, I shouldn't have blown up like that. I'm sorry." He said, hugging me tightly. 

"Did you find the food?" Luke asked, walking up behind me. I quickly backed out of Michael's embrace and looked excitedly at the bag in his hand. 

"Right here!" He lifted the bag happily, showing everyone the treasures he held. Calum put he popcorn in the microwave while Michael laid down on the bed, searching the TV for a movie. I stood there awkwardly not really knowing any of the guys in the room except for Luke as I waited for him to put the M&Ms in a bowl. 

"Hey, come sit with me. Get the good seats before they are taken." Michael said sweetly as he patted the spot next to him on the bed. Hesitating a bit, I looked to Luke for a little push and when he nodded with a smile, I shuffled over to the fluffy white bed, laying down close to the edge. He laughed a little bit, "I don't bite, you know?" 

Nervously I laughed and scooted a tad closer. "Oh my gosh, come here." He said, reaching out and grabbing me until I sat right next to him, our hips touching. "That's better." he smiled. 

Finally, a movie was chosen and all the food was made, the other guys made themselves comfortable on the bed. Calum laid right next to me with a huge smile on his tan face. "Hi. It's been a while." 

"It really has," I said, almost forgetting that he and I had talked at the concert. "It's nice to see you again, Cal." I laughed lightly. 

Luke found his way between Calum and I, his head resting on my chest, cuddling up for the movie we were getting ready to watch. 

"Sorry, we are cuddlers. If you don't like it, too bad." Calum said and I just simply shook my head. I loved this. Being surrounded by my favorite band and one of my best friends, this was simply perfect. 

The movie was almost over and I noticed I was unknowingly running my hands through Luke's blonde hair as he slept soundly. Calum had fallen asleep as well, resting his head on my shoulder, so now it was just Michael and I. I concentrated on the movie until he spoke. 

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked, catching me off guard. I furrowed my brows in question and then shook my head. 

"No, I don't think so, why?" I sort of laughed, but when his face twisted with an almost painfully sad look, I understood that something was really bothering him. "What?"

"Well, both you and Erika, I think that's her name," I nodded telling him he was correct. "When she saw me, she broke down into tears. And then you do the same. I couldn't get you to calm down, or even look at me. It's like, you were both scared of me. I don't know what I did."

"Oh," I whispered, looking down at the blonde headed boy in my lap. "I can explain." So I did. I told Michael everything and I promised that I would show him Mary's journals one day because I think she would have wanted that. "So, I'm really sorry I did that. The crying and everything, it was just...hard you know? Seeing you, being with you, hugging you, when that should have been Mary." I felt the sting of tears so I closed my eyes and rested my head against the head board, breathing rhythmically. 

"Aw, don't cry." His voice was so gentle and sweet. I always loved listening to his voice in the interviews. His was more raspy and for some reason, I feel like his accent stood out more than the others. I felt him scoot closer and before I could turn my head to see what he was doing, his arm was wrapped around me, drawing me into him. "It's okay, Kaitlyn."  

Later that night

The moment the question about me going on tour with the guys, I wished he wouldn't have said them. Up until now, I had everything figured out. I thought Luke was an angel, but now, laying here all by myself, I realized that he was much more than that. He was basically my life source. I needed him. And I couldn't put that on him. He leaves on tour all the time, he is never in one place and to top it all off, he doesn't even live in America. He was a good friend, but I'm afraid if I go on tour with him, I'd want him to be more than that, but that can never happen. 

So I decided right there, that I needed to invest my feelings in someone more... stable. I reached for my phone and searched my contacts until I found the name I wanted to talk to. 

The line was picked up in two rings, "Kit-Kat?"

"Hey, about earlier..." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I uhh... I want to be more than friends too."