LANCES POV
Today was they day. Me and Noah talked about it and I'm going back to see if keith is really what I want. It feels wrong in so many ways but I can't wait to see him again. To tell him I'm sorry. Noah didn't want to be here when I left and asked me to leave while he was at work. He didn't want it to feel like goodbye. The whole trip to keith and the paladins felt so surreal. I had missed all of them so much. I was so close I could see the castle and my heart sunk. Now I know what it felt like when Keith came home from the blade. How much anticipation he must have felt knowing we were waiting for him. But no one was waiting for me. They didn't even know I was coming so why would they. I basically run inside to find someone, anyone. The first person I saw was hunk and I couldn't hold back. Tears filled both of our eyes as I ran into his arms. I missed my best friend more than I let myself believe.
"What happened to you man. You look, grown up" he says taking everything in. I laugh but hear people behind me. It was pidge and allura. They screamed and run towards me making a bear hug with everyone in it. They cheered and giggled as we finally meet again.
"I missed you guys so much" I say smiling. After me being home sank in we all slowly let go of one another. I forgot why I ever left once I was with them again. Then in the corner of my eye I saw keith and shiro. My heart stopped beating and sunk at the same time. Shiro was smiling bright and Keith was cold. I couldn't help myself but run to shiro and hug him. Whilst hugging him I was looking directly at keith as he looked back at me.
"Trying to get bigger than me I see" shiro says pulling me away.
"Couldn't help it I wanted to be like the best" he laughs rubbing my head messing up my hair. I laughed so hard I didn't notice keith had left. We said a few words then he noticed my frantic emotion.
"It's keith isn't it. You came back for him" Shiro whispers.
"I'm trying to yes. I can't explain it" I say looking around for him.
"He's trying to move past it. Whatever you do...don't lead him down another dark road. Please" shiro says letting me go. His words stung. I began to feel scared for me and Keiths relationship if there was even something there.
"I promise I'm just trying to fix things" I say leaving the room to find keith. I run to our old room and he wasn't there. So I ran to his room and stood there preparing myself for what's coming. I remember all the times I've done this before. I walk in and see him sitting on the bed. His face in his palms.
"Why did you come back" Keith says not looking up
"I...I couldn't stop thinking, thinking about you" I say standing still.
"What about me?" He says finally looking up at me. I lock eye with him startled.
"Everything" I say pleading.
"So what do you want from me. I've moved on like you told me to" He says standing up.
"I wanted to see you. To see if there was anything still here. To see why I couldn't get you off my mind" I say taking a step forward. He took a step back.
"Please don't be like this keith. I missed you" I say upset.
KEITHS POV
"You missed me. Haha sure that's all this is. You left me and found another boyfriend and left me to deal with the mess you left. And you miss me. Sure." I say showing him how mad I am. I had to keep down the galra trying to push through.
"I'm sorry keith I really am and I can't explain it but- but I want to see if we can work again if there is any possible chance" he says coming towards me again. I was angry but I was slowly becoming submissive with him. I tried to stay strong.
"What about your boyfriend. What's he think about this" I say. I caught him off guard.
"He wants me to figure this out so I'm not in love with him but still in love with you. and if it doesn't work I still have a place with him. He wants me to find where I belong" he says. To me it felt wrong Noah would even let lance come back. I wouldn't have given lance the chance to.
"So your just gonna test the waters and when it gets too deep you're running right back to your boy toy" I say crossing my arms upset still.
"Keith I haven't slept lately without thinking about you. I wanted to be with you and hold you and kiss you. I wanted to rub your head and cry in your arms. I missed it all" he says clearly telling the truth. I wanted to break. To hold him too. I know there is no chance we can be back together and still be happy.
"And you though you could just come back and it would all be waiting for you" I say losing my attitude. He noticed the change and relaxed.
"I wanted to see if it was the same. Or if I just miss what we had and not what we are. I'm just as confused as you and I cant move on without trying" he says quietly walking towards me. Getting to close that I couldn't walk away I could find it in me to walk away from him.
"What are you doing" I say closing my eyes looking down knowing he was inches away from me.
"Trying" He says surprising me with a kiss. His lips connected to mine with a shock. A sudden urge to have him back. His lips leading me down a rabbit hole I know I would get lost in. The feeling of his kiss was different. I still felt the butterflies but I couldn't feel anything else. It wasn't until we broke apart did I notice I had gone galra. It must have been the pleasure of his kiss Why I changed. It explains why I felt so weird about the kiss. My skin going purple, the ears and tail appeared too. I pulled away afraid of his reaction. When he saw what I had become he took a moment then smiled.
"God I wish I could have seen you like this before" he said amused.
"What would you have done about it then" I say trying to push down the galra.
" I would have done everything" he says pulling me back in. He kisses me like he was trying to mend our past. Like he was trying to find something. Everything I told myself I wouldn't be I became. I was submissive and weak again. He suddenly stoped and began pacing the room his hand over his mouth. I could tell he was upset. What he wanted from me was gone.
"I guess you found what you were looking for" I say going over to sit on my bed. He didn't say much too consumed by his own thoughts. He looked up at me and sat with me on the bed.
"I didn't feel anything. I tried to force it but I just couldn't." He says looking at me. I look down I didn't want to confess what I felt.
"I'm sorry I drew you back in like this I feel horrible for using you like that. I'm so sorry" he says ashamed.
"You don't have to feel sorry. It was just a kiss. I told you I moved on I didn't expect you to feel sparks and get down on one knee. To be honest since I've moved on there is nothing keeping me attached to you. This doesn't change anything for me" I say bluntly
"But now what do I do. I'm afraid I'll still miss you if I go home. How do I get passed that" he says covering his face with his hands. I could tell this was stressing him out.
"I mean there is no promise you'll miss me anymore now that you've realized you don't want me still. Who knows if you do miss me our door is always open you just have to show up and we can see one another" I say patting him on the back. Him and I have never had a real relationship like this. Where we aren't together but we still support and love one another. It was always a rival or a relationship.
"Can I just stay here tonight. With you and everyone else" he say. He looked up at me like a lost dog. Seeing him like this broke me I couldn't turn him down.
LANCES POV
Me and keith walked to the rest of the group and we told them I was staying the night. They were all so happy and were glad I would be around more often. I'm angry with myself for not coming around sooner. I hated the way I treated them. I hated the way I treated keith. Everyone forgives me but I don't forgive myself. I even feel bad for leaving Noah hanging like that. He probably thinks he just let his love walk away forever. I couldn't help but be angry with myself considering everything I did wrong.
~Later that night~
We all had a big sleep over in the training deck. They felt like it would make me feel more at home with everyone around. I couldn't fall asleep all night. Everyone else was out like a light but my brain was working at 100 miles an hour. I quietly got up tip toeing around everyone on the floor and made my way out to the hall. I didn't know what to do I just couldn't lay down any longer or I would go I insane. I sat down watching over everyone sleeping wising I was home in my bed with Noah. Before I could think about him allura stood up walking over to me.
" sorry if I woke you. I couldn't sleep" I say not looking up at her.
"I was asleep for decades I don't sleep much these days anyways" she says sitting down with me.
"What's keeping you up at this hour" she says resting her head on my shoulder.
"There's just a lot going on in my head right now. It's hard to sleep it's so loud." I tell her rubbing my face looking over to keith. She notices my gaze.
"I know I have no room to ask and I bet you don't want to talk about it but, is it keith" she asks. I haven't had a real conversation with her in a while. Well as long as I've been attracted to men and not her. I just realized how long it's been since keith and I started dating.
"It's okay to ask. I just feel responsible for this mess and feel like I'm a burden to everyone. I just want to make a smart decision for once." I say. It sounds worse out loud.
"Lance you are far from a burden. You are just in a situation where you feel trapped. Don't tear yourself down for this." She says. She's holding back and I can tell.
"I just don't know how to fix this it's all too much confusion and emotions" I say laying down with my hands on my face again.
"You don't have to fix it. You just have to understand what you want. Clearly from what I can see it's not keith. So what is it that you want lance." She says. I take in what she says and it really speaks to me. I'm so caught up in emotions I've lost sight of why I'm here. I've forgotten about Noah and the fact he is a real human being and not a toy for me to play with. I'm treating him horribly by being here and that's one of the reasons I'm so upset. I know what I want is Noah but I'm just so angry with myself it's not that easy.
" I know what I want. I'm just afraid of what I'm going to cause by having it" I say leaning back up finally looking her in the eye.
"Don't worry about the what if's. You are causing more problems with yourself than you are anyone else. You are too hard on yourself you need to just go for what you want" She says.
"That's the thing I'm always doing what's best for me. Doing what I want and that's how I got here. I don't know how to make everyone else happy when I'm doing what best for me. It feels wrong" I say realizing yet another problem I have.
"Lance stop. Stop overthinking things you are only making it worse. Just get past tonight and tomorrow you can go back and see how you feel then. It's not enough to break this much." She says. I almost shut down. Allowing the anger and stress take over me. I stoped fighting the thoughts in my head. I just have to get back to Noah and Ill be fine. I should be fine.
KEITHS POV
I woke up to the sound of allura walking around. I rolled over and saw her sitting with lance. I stayed still closing my eyes not wanting to barge into their conversation. Lances voice was cracked and sad. Allura tried her best to cheer him up but she didn't faze him. I'm worried about him. He's trying to hard to understand what he's feeling and organized all his emotions. I started to wonder why he was having this much trouble and then it hit me. Back at earth being bipolar was uncommon but could be really bad. When he broke up with me it was almost like he woke up a new person. It could have been an episode that he acted to strong on. Now he's upset almost like he's depressed. I'm assuming when he was with Noah he had another episode where he felt like he was on top of the world and this is his come down. I would give everything for him to be okay and that he doesn't start having bipolar episodes. I'm afraid for him. Listening to him torture himself for having feelings only made my suspicion stronger. He's never showed signs of it before that's what's keeping me from worrying too much. I could be overreacting and he's just upset right now. Just because he's upset doesn't mean he's depressed. It doesn't mean he's bipolar. I try to fall back asleep getting rid of the thoughts in my head. I wouldn't know what to do if he is diagnosed. I don't think any of us do.
