*KEITHS POV*
It's been two months since me and lance had our talk. And it's honestly been going really well. Me and Benjamin finally went on our date and have been seeing each other nonstop since then. He makes me happy. Lance on the other hand hasn't been around much. For the first few days we all assumed he was locked up in his room but when we sent shiro to go talk to him he was gone. No one knew where he was until he showed up a week or so later. He only came by to grab a few things before leaving. He wouldn't tell us where he was going or where he had been. He's come around a few times but nothing more than a pit stop in his mysterious new life style. I want to cut in and stop him from running off again because I know what happened the last time he did. I don't want him to find someone else and go down the same landslide he did with Noah. I caught myself before I though too much about it. I don't have a say anymore. I lost the privilege of protecting him from relationships when I turned him down. I love lance but I'm stating to think I might love Benjamin. The idea was I would see Benjamin on the side away from lance and the team just to protect Benjamin. Thinking about it now it was probably just to protect lance from my new boyfriend. I realized everything I'm doing is for lance and I can't help it. I think it's because I'm afraid I will have to choose one of them and I'll lose the other. Maybe when lance gets back I can ask him to meet Benjamin I mean they are the two most important people in my life they should at least know one another.
*LANCES POV*
"I don't understand you want me and Benjamin to be...friends." I ask confused. He stopped me in my room and wouldn't let me leave until he talked.
"I though it might be good for us if you and him got to know one another." He says. They eat he spoke to me like I was his child and he was trying to introduce me to my new step dad. I wanted nothing to do with Benjamin.
"You mean it will be good for you. So you can rub it in my face you're happy with him. So you can drag me along in you're little love story. I'm gonna have to pass." I say trying to get past him.
"I'm not dragging you along, I don't want to have to live two lives between you guys. I want both of you in my life." He says pushing me back I to the room. I guess since I've been gone him and Benjamin have gotten pretty serious.
"Do you really see a future with him?" I ask knowing the answer will only hurt me more.
"I do. But not without you in some way and some how. Please." He begs me. The idea of his living out our dream with him tore me apart. It's meant to be me in those moments and in those memories.
"Fine. Just know when I get between you two you'll have yourself to blame." I said a bit to aggressive finally making it past him leaving before he has a chance to say anymore.
*KEITHS POV*
It's happening. Lance is on his way now to meet Benjamin and I'm more nervous that I've ever been. Benjamin on the other hand is more levelheaded than I am not to mention he doesn't see lance as a threat anymore. A part of me disagrees with him. He notices my shaking hands and pulls me in to comfort me. He holds my hand silently showing his support for me. A moment later lance appears and I unconsciously shake off Benjamin and walk towards lance.
"Lance meet Benjamin. Benjamin meet lance." I say stepping back so I wasn't in the way.
"Nice to meet you I've heard a lot about you." Benjamin says shaking his hand.
"I'd like to say the same but I can't say I have." Lance says stubbornly. I give him a look telling him to be nice.
"Nice to meet you." He say trying his best to get along. There was a moment of silence before I had to break the ice again.
"Why don't you guys talk about things that make you happy? well start there." I say having no clue what I'm doing.
"I like being in charge of my team and running this whole operation." He said making me realize even after all this time I still hardly know him.
"I like being a part of Voltron." Lance says looking down obviously not wanting to talk.
"Oh come on lance so many things make you happy, like videos of kittens playing the piano or being outside in the rain and watching shooting stats at night." I say too fast to catch myself. I've blocked out every though if him wanting to have Benjamin the center of my attention and now that I've let him back in I can't help but want to keep him. Even after all this time with Benjamin and only Benjamin I'm still having trouble thinking of anything that has to do with his personal life outside of work.
"I just want you guys to actually get to know one another." I add noticing the look on Benjamin's face.
"You sound like a pretty calm guy. Not really what I expected from watching you on tv. Not to mention what I've heard from Keith." Benjamin says. Lance looks at me broken. When we were together I was able to tell exactly what lance was feeling and now, now all I see is the piece of who he used to be.
"What exactly have you heard, because it seems like you guys must talk about me a lot." Lance adds knowing the power he had.
"Keith is always willing to tell me stories about how you would treat him just to make sure I don't make the same mistakes you did." Benjamin says twisting the story to make him look like the good guy.
"He's only kidding. We hardly even talk about you." I add making sure lance didn't feel targeted. I turn around standing directly in front of Benjamin and whisper.
"Be nice." Behind closed teeth. Benjamin just looks down at me and smiles.
"You're so cute when you're angry." He whispers leaning down kissing me. In the moment I enjoyed it but as soon as he stopped I started to overthink again. Lance was the only person who found it cute when I was angry and it felt like something just us shared. Something that made us connect in a way no one else could. Now hearing Benjamin say this I appreciate his affection for me but I can't deny that I wish it was still something me and lance had. It's impossible to ignore everything me and lance had when I'm starting to have it with Benjamin. I know it's how relationships work but it felt so true and free when I was with lance and now... now it feels like I'm trying to recreate something I once had.
*LANCES POV*
He kissed him. He put his had places my hands belong. At first I was angry knowing he was only doing it to prove a point. Then I watched as Keith kissed him back. He leaned into him like he used to do with me. The anger quickly turned into jealousy. I saw the way the looked at one another, the way the touched one another. I just can't look it's killing me. The way Benjamin talked about Keith like a trophy he won not the person he truly it. The way Keith didn't hesitate to list off things that made me happy and couldn't even think of one idea for Benjamin. Or when Keith stood up for be and defended me when Benjamin was making me out to be the bad guy. I can't help but think about all the ways Keith is still on my side then I remember the kiss. A kiss that turns into touching that becomes even more. I couldn't stop myself from imagining the details of there relationship. It started of with a kiss how did it end up like this. I regret agreeing to come to this I knew it would be bad. Benjamin is just as bad as I thought and now having to picture them loving one another like I used to is going to hurt me just as much as the day he chose Benjamin over me. The hardest part is seeing the possibility in Keith eyes. How he looks at me the same as he would when we were together. Seeing how much he still puts on the line for me but then again the kiss. The stupid kiss that is going to consume my waking days.
=time jump=
"I'm sorry for how he acted today but I'm so thankful you came." Keith says when he walked me to my room.
"Yah no problem. I just don't see that ever happening again." I add
"I know, I'm just going to have to work on being in both of you're lives without you being in each other's." He says knowing what he's signing up for.
"Or you could just move on. You don't need me to keep reminding you of the past don't you think it would be better without me?" I say taking myself out of the equation before I get hurt again.
"Why would you say that. You are still one of the most important people in my life not only because of what we had but because you're still my friends." He said talking to me as if I was a child.
"I just think it would be best for us all if you and I put a little space between us." I say. I knew I was being dramatic and saying thinks I don't really believe but I has to try something or knowing how happy Keith was without me would kill me.
"Do you really think that?" Keith asks clearly hurt.
"I mean we've dragged this on for long enough don't you think?" The day I left should have been the end for us." I yelled at myself not to say it but I knew if I didn't he would blame himself for this. I couldn't let him take the fall for something he has no control over.
"I didn't know that's how you felt about us. I guess I always assumed we would at least stick it out as friends." He said. I hated how often I hurt him. It feels like I'm constantly closing every door he's opening but I can't help it. I'm afraid that I'll break him again or he'll break me. I get it making him think I hate him isn't the best way to get my point across but I didn't know what else to do. It's not like I can come out and tell him " Watching you fall in live with Benjamin makes me feel like the words is crashing in on me. Like I'm losing my grip and no one is there to catch me as I fall. Seeing you with him makes me hate myself for ever letting you go. Makes me wish I was a better man and could treat you like you deserve to be treated. Knowing you moved on makes me question if I should even still be alive when it's you who's given me a reason to live all these years." But I know if I tell him this he would drop everything for me again but how long until I break him again.
