The Book Of Females

A.I.T.T.M.M.F.U.

Awe Inspiring Things That Make Me Feel Useless...

Tonight I watched three movies I want to talk about...

The true story of Gabby Douglas

Homeless to Harvard

Selena

Gabby Douglas was a 2012 gold medalist in the olympics. She was the first African American to do so. She was also the first U.S. medalist to win both the team and individual medals.

Selena was a Mexican American song artist. She started off as a little girl singing at side shows with her siblings and through hard work and tons of luck won music awards and opened her own clothes line. She even sang at disney world.

Elizabeth started out in a family of druggies living worse than the homeless before eventually becoming homeless. She decided one day she didn't want to be like her parents and pushed her self through school graduating at the top of her class and winning a four year full paid scholarship.

These three women did amazing things with their lives... Two of them still are!

(Selena R.I.P. Even though you died a few years before I was born!)

Looking at them Im like. What the hell am I doing? I want to do something with my life if can.

Do I have a nice home? Yes.

Do I have the opportunity for school?

Yes.

So whats my problem?

I miss too much school.

Do I want to go? Hell Yes! I love school.

So why do I miss it?

I am sick.

Now before you get all pissed off and say things like :

There are kids with cancer going to school!

Or

There are special-edds kids going to school!

Stop and let me say this.

I UNDERSTAND THIS.

But. I am me and not them. I have my own problems. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. And Health wise.

Because this is a book I can freely say this without fear of judgement from people I know.

I am Depressed. Im depressed because I have nightmares almost every time I go to sleep. Nightmares so bad they'd make a grown man piss himself. Im depressed because of the cause of my nightmares. Because that cause is a living breathing person.

And this person had hurt me physically and mentally. I am sometimes woken up by nightmares that make me throw up violently. Hell these nightmares used to make me cut. I used to wonder if this person would just quit fucking with my head and just finish his little game. And I can honestly say its made me never want to leave my room.

But hey, I can say this though! I do leave my room. Hell I leave my house if I can. Because I refuse to be beaten.

Next on the list health.

I virtually have no immune system and am almost always sick and have been this way sense I was little. There is nothing I can do about it. What I do k ow is that it kicks my ass and leaves me so weak its hard for me to even get out of bed to go to the bathroom let alone leave the house.

I struggle each day to appear normal to my grandma because I don't want her to worry. But its getting harder and harder to do.

There was about two and a half years in elementary school we didn't live with her and we lived with our mom.