Standing By

Late One Night

(Tim)

I could not sleep. No matter what I tried, I could not sleep. I tried counting sheep. They just bleated at me—very out of tune at that. I tried meditating. That just turned into much more enthusiastic omm's than probably intended. I tried a snack from the hotel stash. The nuts seemed stale—and now I had a dull ache in the back of my mouth.

    "Screw it," I muttered, tossing the blankets off. I stood up ad paced the room aimlessly. A soft snore came from the adjoining room. Damn it, if I couldn't sleep, neither could he!

    I grabbed my phone and find me a nice beep-beep-beep alarm sound, then proceeded into Rob's room. Presuming the gigundo pile of blankets on the bed was him, I perched the phone on his pillow. Bleh, his feet stunk. What the hell were his feet doing on his pillow anyway? Aight then. I moved to the other end of the bed, hit 'play', and waited expectantly.

    He sat straight up, wide-eyed. "Fire!"
     Fire! What? Fire? I spun around like a top. "What?"

    "Fire!" he yelled and jumped out of bed, completely naked. Oh Lord have mercy, he was sleeping naked. "Fire!" he yelled again and ran blindly at the door, bumping into the walls, his suitcase, and the lamp.

    "Wait—Rob!" I called out. Even a big practical joker like myself might try to prevent a naked embarrassment. Seemingly poetically, I tripped over his damn suitcase and didn't get to him until he was standing in the hallway and banging on doors.

    "Austin! Chance! Adam! Tim! Get out get out get out get out!"

    Chance's door flew open. "Rob—the fuck?"  He didn't look like he'd been asleep either. His eyes fluttered down. "Seriously, the fuck?
     "Fire?" he asked uncertainly. Chance blinked at him as Adam's door creaked open.

    "What's going..." He yawned widely. "... on?"

    Rob seemed to be coming a little more to his senses. "Um."

    Austin finally opened his door. "What the— oh sweet sleepy Jesus, Rob!"

    Rob squared, finally realizing that he was indisposed, his hands flying down.

    "You sleepwalking again, dude?" Chance asked boredly.

    "Um. I dunno."  He looked utterly embarrassed.

    "Go back to bed, Rob," Adam advised kindly.

    "I thought... for some reason... there was a fire?"  Rob darted to his room, yanking frantically at the doorknob. Naturally, in his panicked state, he had not grabbed his key. "Damn."  Yank. "Damn."  Yank. "Damn."  Yank.

    Wordlessly, I opened my door.

    "Damn."  Yank.  "Damn."  Yank.  

    Since he didn't seem to notice my having opened the door, I spoke up. "Rob."

    "Damn."  Yank.  "Rob.  "Damn."  Yank.  "Rob."  "Damn."  Yank.  "Rob!!!!"

    By now, Chance, Adam, and Austin were losing it.

    Another door creaked open. "Will you keep it down out here? Some of us are — hahahaha!"

    "I got locked out," Rob muttered, still playing with the doorknob. 

    "Rob!" I said for the umpteenth time. "Go through my room!"

    Someone else poked his head out of the other guy's room. "Drunk assholes?"

    "Probably," the blonde remarked.

    Chance, still fully clothed in daytime clothes at 3:30 in the morning, walked out and physically removed Rob from his very locked door. He pointed him in my direction. "Go through Tim's room."

    Another door opened, this time a woman. Her mouth dropped open.

    "Nothing to see here folks!" Chance assured everyone, guiding Rob into my room.

    "Why is he naked?" the woman asked, rubbing her face like she couldn't quite believe her eyes.

    "Because he's weird," was the blonde's answer.

    "None of your business!" Austin and I said at just about the same time.

    "Kindly butt out," Adam told the blonde, giving him a look. The blonde just shrugged.   Rob managed to walk into the door, then Mr. Clumsy tripped over my shoe I'd kicked in the middle of the floor.

    "Klutz," the dark-haired guy remarked.

    "Mind your own business!" This time Austin, Chance, and I were about in unison.

    "I'm blind as a bat without my glasses," Rob remarked, still stumbling over my shoe. The three of them continued to giggle.

    "Here!" I finally darted in and tossed my shoe across the room. It rolled under the bed. "There. Ought not to trip over that no more."

    "And if you three don't mind your own blasted business and get your butts back in your rooms, we gonna have issues," Austin informed our peanut gallery. Chance shoved Rob at me.

    "Here, you take him— and Austin, chill!" he said, darting out of the room.

    I escorted Rob back to bed. "Do you need a bedtime story or a lullaby or a cup of milk?" I asked with a silly grin.

    "Uh, no, thanks," he muttered, pulling the covers up over his bushy chin.

    I got back into the hallway just in time to see Chance encouraging an aggravated Austin back to his room and the three strangers disappeared back to where they belonged. I hoped I wouldn't have to see them again.