Standing By

Jessica

(Avi)

When I hung up, I was a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand (my better hand), I felt excited—the bubbly happy feeling I always get before a performance. The show was going to be great. We had several songs that seemed we could really knock out of the park. My favorite of the four was, obviously, my own, but I would happily do any of the four. Mitch's song, California Country, was still up on my iPhone, whose connection was painfully slow and not operating nearly as fast as I'd've liked, but it was all I had. At least they'd brought me my phone. In their defense, I hadn't asked for my iPad, so how would they have known?

I scrolled back up to the top and let the page re-re-reload and started to sing it softly to myself, letting my mind wander and think about what we could do with it. I had to pause twice through the song because the page took forever to go through and load. Nevertheless, the song was really pretty and I liked the sentiment. The 'I miss the small-town life routine, but Hollywood might could put me in a magazine' line spoke to me. It encapsulated my feelings exactly. Small-town life, the basics, the simplicity, the family-oriented life (even if mine had gone out for a bite to eat when Scott called, leaving me with a tasteless hospital lunch. Thanks a lot for asking if I wanted anything.) Might could put me in a magazine. Well, it would be cool to be in a magazine, but moreover, it was a tantamount to success, hard-earned success in the cutthroat music industry, and I so wanted to do well, to spread my love, my music, out there with the world. I wanted it so badly. And Scott's song, Life Is A Highway. That it is—and it was one of the few Mitch hadn't pooh-poohed at first. I hadn't necessarily felt the draw to those lyrics, but I did like them OK, and it'd be fun to sing. Upbeat, nice message, cute. I could see us jumping all over stage with it and really rocking it out. The page finally loaded and I looked through it thoughtfully, humming along with the melody. Ooo. My eyes lit up when I found a nice low verse Home Free had featured in it and sang along quietly. 'There was a distance between you and I, a misunderstanding once, but now we look in the eye.' I started grinning. Yep, I could be quite the happy little bass down there. Tim would have had to have killed on that.

And then, of course, Kirstie's pick. Die A Happy Man. Sounded a bit weird by the title alone, but once you got into it... repeat, once I got in it... I tapped the title twice more in quick succession. Come on, you stupid thing, open! There it goes. Took it another minute to completely load, but once it had, I spent a good fifteen minutes studying the music. Yes, so sweet. I hope one day I can find my own special lady that I can 'die a happy man' with. Surely there is someone out there just waiting for me, trying to find me, in this crazy universe. It's so hard to meet someone serious with the touring and recording and go-go-go schedule. I've only really been in two serious relationships anyway before I'd started in the music business, and both broke my heart. My first girlfriend I'd dated throughout high school and been friends with in late elementary school and middle school, middle school being the start of many firsts. My first date, my first kiss, my first love. Then she decided to break it off when she went to college in Washington State, of all places. Washington. Jeesh. I just stuck around in northern California and went to college here, like a normal person. She'd thought it would be too hard to maintain a serious relationship long distance. It had hurt, really hurt, after four years together. Then my last girlfriend I'd been with for two and a half years, and she broke it off with me when we started in with The Sing Off, saying it'd be too hard to keep up when I 'made it big'. I'd just laughed it off, thinking we hadn't even made it to prime time yet, let alone 'made it big'. I'd have never imagined in my wildest dreams we'd be where we are today. Wonder if she ever thought of me now. "Yeah, him, that bearded guy in Pentatonix, I used to date him! For real!" Well, you decided I'd be 'too much to deal with' later, so you've lost me now. Her loss, I thought wistfully. Even though I'd loved her once, it was gone now. Look at what you could have had. Because when I fall, I fall hard; I'm in deep. I give it my all, but if you hurt me, my heart takes a very long time to heal.