Standing By

Acting Without Thinking

(Austin)

"Guys.  I'll be OK," Tim said hollowly, a blank look in his eyes.

    The three of us did not let go of him. To our right, Adam snorted his disbelief.  I was inclined to agree with him.  Tim did not look OK.  Worry was written all over his face. I could only imagine what was going through is brain.  His eyes, focused on something far away, were glistening.  I felt his muscles clench under my grasp as he balled his hands into fists.

    "Guys!" Greene yelled at us.  "He told you he's OK.  Now please let go of him!"

    "He needs to make me believe it," Rob asserted, now taking Adam's place and holding Tim's elbow.  " 'Cuz I'm not buying it right now.  Are you guys?"

    "Nope."  I shook my head.  "Not one bit."

    "Me either," Chance said stiffly.

    "Oh for God's sake," Diaz groaned as he and Greene kept trying to pull us apart.  "You guys are the stubbornest freaking things."

    Kirkham strode over to the four of us and tried to push his way in. "Break it up!  Now!" he ordered.  Someone grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me back.  I stumbled and reacted without thinking towards my assailant, starting to hit at Greene or Diaz, whichever was acting a brute, with one hand and the other sliding into my pocket instinctively.

    "Austin!" Chance, Adam, Tim, and Greene yelled at me.  Rob let go of Tim to catch me before I actually hit Kirkham.  My arm was already dropping down though before Rob could even wrap me up. Don't be stupid, Austin, you can't just do that....

    Kirkham nodded at Rob.  "Quick reflexes.  Good for you for saving your friend from a terrible mistake."  He turned to me.  "Be thankful Mr. Lundquist stopped you or I would arrest you for assaulting a police officer.  Now I need Mr. Chance to let go of Mr. Foust or I'll arrest him for impeding my ability to perform my job."

    I was shaking at this point, so hard that my legs gave out on me, and I crumbled to the ground.  Oh my God.  I'd almost hit a police officer; who knows what I'd've done or would've happened if I'd gotten ahold of it in my pocket. Oh my God.  One split second that could have wrecked me, put me in jail, opened myself for God only knows what, Albany would never be able to save my ass, ended any careers, and destroyed the band, along with my hopes and dreams.

    Rob dropped to his knees next to me.  "It's OK, Austin, it's OK.  Nothing happened. You stopped yourself.  You dropped your own arm."

    "I wasn't even thinking," I muttered, falling helplessly in his arms.  "He grabbed me and I just... reacted."  My voice sounded a mixture of wavering and husky—it seemed foreign and I could barely recognize it as my own.

    "It's OK.  It's OK," he assured me as Chance stumbled over to us looking stressed out.

    "Tim," was all he was able to say before his face fell and his eyes stated to leak.

    "He'll be OK," Greene told us again.  "He might get a writer's cramp from signing papers, but that's seriously the worst case scenario for him."

    "You guys are majorly overreacting," Diaz told us.  "Austin.  Please.  Control yourself.  You know what the penalty for attacking a police officer is?  You know how close you were to getting felony charges against you?"

    I couldn't answer, my face buried into Rob's shoulder, sobbing.  At my own stupidity, at Tim's predicament.  At everything. If I got taken away to jail- which jail?- I wouldn't be able to help Tim at all... freak, freak, I'm a freak... their voices still echoed in my head.