𝕛𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕪 - 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕥

Bed

October 29th

It's Wednesday.

I'm in school.

Of course it sucks.

It's lunch time and I decided I'll actually eat today.

I've lost a lot of weight so I've been wearing oversized hoodies all the time.

Of course I've barely slept since the breakup so I look awful.

My curls have even flattened out so I've been wearing beanies.

No one noticed.

As I'm walking into the cafeteria for the first time in a while I see corbyn and Daniel at one table and Jonah is even with them. He must have apologized to them.

And I see kay and Zach and Gabbie and a guys named eben I've heard of at another table.

I went through the lunch line and got pizza and was gonna set at an empty table but 2 people yelled at me.

"Jack!!" Yelled Zach and corbyn.

They both looked at each other confused. I looked at them too.

But instead of setting with them I sat at an empty table alone.

I started eating my pizza when someone walked toward me.

Not the one I wanted though.

"Hey jack" corbyn said

"Hey corbyn" I said

"There is a party on Friday for Halloween you wanna go with us" he asked me

"No." I said

"You have to jack I'm gonna force you so I'll pick you up around 7:30 it starts at 7:45" he said and walked off

I kept glancing at Zach. He glanced at me a couple of times.

I think he just thinks I look bad and don't understand why since he's looking better than ever.

Thursday. 30th.

I'm at school again duh.

I'm in English and Zach ain't setting by me.

But that's not anything new.

I glanced at him and he was laughing at a joke one of his new friends must have made.

What's weird is that Daniel usually hung out with him, not anymore.

Someone caught me glancing and threw a piece of paper at me.

I grabbed it and threw it back but harder.

Then Zach stared at me.

With sorrow in his eyes.

He looked sad.

And sorry.

I haven't seen him look like that since that night.

He mumbled something to me but I couldn't make it out.

Before lunch I was leaving my class and ran into someone after putting up my books.

It was her.

Kay.

"I'm sorry" I said

"Oh it's okay. Wait are you okay you don't look to well" she asked me

"Y-yeah I'm g-good" I stuttered

"Just making sure. Do you need a hug" she asked me

"Uh" i said and she hugged me anyways.

Zach saw it.

As I was hugging her I saw him standing there shocked.

"I hope you are gonna feel better. I don't like seeing people sad. Bye" she said and walked off

"Kay" zach said and hugged his girlfriend

"Hey Zachy" she said super happy

They walked to the lunchroom.

I couldn't do it.

I just hugged my ex's girlfriend and then saw them hug afterward.

I needed to leave so I did.

Once I got home I went up to my room and cried.

It has been my daily routine for awhile now.

I just want to know why I'm the only one who is hurting.

Why ain't he hurting like me.

Why ain't he suffering from depression and anxiety like me.

Some one said I have attachment issues.

Once I get attached to something it's hard to let go.

Supposedly that's why I fell in love with zach so fast and so hard.

It kind of makes since.

I mean I am still attached to him after all this time.

No.

I don't have attachment issues.

I'm still in love with him.

"UGHHH WHY CANT HE BE IN PAIN LIKE ME" I screamed and punched my wall.

It made a hole in it.

My moms gonna be pissed.

Later when my mom got home I was asleep.

"Jacky sweety" she said walking into my room

She sat on my bed and looked at the hole.

"Oh jack honey. I'm sorry you're still upset, you really do love him. I've noticed your change. You don't eat and you cry all the time. You never sleep and you've been getting angry easier. Baby I'm sorry it's so hard for you. I just wish I can make it better." She said she must have known I was awake when she walked in

"Oh momma it hurts it really truly hurts. I can't breathe sometimes it hurts so much. I wanna did momma. I can't stand the pain. I can't stand not being able to eat to sleep or do anything. I'm sorry I've been skipping school it just hurts to see him. I swear I'm not lieing it hurts physically and mentally. What do I do" I cried and she hugged me.

She laid down beside me and cuddled me for what felt like forever and I was happy for once I was happy.

It ended later on when she left.

What am I gonna do....