Fly Away To Chicago (Completed)

Chapter Seven- What Kenny Feels

Well here we go again.

Dear Hayden,

I just want to clear some things up. First of all I'm not mad at you. I was just frustrated and stuff. Darin really pisses me off because he doesn't seem to care about your feelings at all. He's a player, Hayden. He doesn't love you. He was just using you for sex.

I don't understand how you continue to pick him & fall for everything he does. He's playing the part of nice guy. He's really a bad person. I can't believe you don't know about the countless girls he's slept with.

It makes me mad to even think about him right now. I just don't want you to get more hurt. I know he apologized & stuff, but you have to think about this rationally. Your heart may tell you that you love him, but you just know that he's wrong for you. He hurts you so much, Hayden. You just keep going back to him. Please think about it.

Also Darin wasn't missing for those few days. He was with the Dillingers for about 4 hours before he got away. Then he left town for a while before I called him about the funeral. He only told me because he needed some cash. He couldn't go home so I got his savings. He had more than $500 & he spent it in 3 days. Don't you think that's a little suspicious?

Anyway I did so I asked him & he said he needed comfort. I think you know what that means. He uses nice, amazing girls like you for sex. I hate seeing you anything, but happy. It hurts me more than you'll ever know.

So there's this other thing I've been thinking about lately. It's about us when we were dating. I was scared & that's why I broke up with you. You made me so happy & I was afraid that if I lost you it would kill me. You were everything to me & being with you felt like nothing I'd ever felt in my entire life.

I loved you, but I didn't know what love was. It scared me. The thought of putting all must love into one thing scared me because losing you would have ruined me.

I still love you. Please don't ever forget that. It tears me apart that you're gone. It's even worse to see you here in someone else arms. You waste time with guys who don't care about you when I'm here just waiting. Waiting for you to realize how much I care. How much I love you.

Everything you do makes me smile. You're so beautiful & so amazing. I've been in love with you ever since we met. You were so kind & funny & pretty. I was head over heels & I had to have you, but when I got you I got scared. So I ran. I broke up with you & tried to forget you. Nothing would do it. I tried to get with other girls & fall in love with somebody else, but I couldn't stop thinking of you. I still can't.

You're on my mind 24/7. I think of you when you're not around. You just pop into my head. If that isn't love I don't know what is. You confuse me & astound me, but most of all you make me happy. You make me smile, laugh, & have huge amounts of joy. I can only ask for one more thing.

Will you think about me? Do I even fit into the equation? Can you put me in it? I just want to know where I fit. Do you even like me that way anymore? Am I just your friend?

Well that's all because I'm pretty sure you're freaking out so yeah.

-Kenny

As I refolded the note & stuffed it into the desk drawer I cried. I cried because I knew he was telling the truth. I knew because these thoughts had crossed my mind. I knew he was this way. There had been hints all along I was just too blind to notice.

I feel my knees give out & I sink to the floor with my head in my hands.

"Oh god." I choke & sobs wrack my body.