Fly Away To Chicago (Completed)

Chapter Twenty One- Thinking About Them

What Hailey said has really hit home.

She's right. I'm 16, almost 17. I get good grades. I have plans for my future. I can't screw it up. Getting pregnant is the last thing I need.

Even though I've made a life here I can't ignore the fact that people at home are waiting for me to come home. It's time for me to decide what I'm going to do. I can't keep stringing them along if I don't plan on staying.

On the other hand I don't know what I'll do about the boys at home either.

Darin has always been there for me, but the stuff I've finally realized about him make me second guess everything.

Was he really just trying to get in my pants?

Maybe not when we were kids, but as time went on.

I wasn't the only one with problems at home. Darin's father was a great guy, but he pushed Darin. Pushed him so hard that Darin had been extremely stressed out & depressed for a while. His dad hasn't known that part though. He only wanted Darin to get good grades & be a football star.

It wasn't until Darin quit the team & stood up to his father that the weight lifted off his shoulders and he was finally able to be happy again.

Even through all his stress and depression he made time for me and his other friends. We'd just started 9th grade & I was so nervous. He helped me through it.

He's a great guy, or was. I truly love him, but I not sure I want to take the chance of being hurt again.

He can be so temperamental I just don't think I can handle that right now. He can make me feel like I'm the size of a mouse & he is an elephant.

That's not what I want. I want him to build me up & make me happy. Not tear me down.

Maybe that's the answer. Maybe if I tell him how he's made me feel he will realize that & I can finally move on.

I still love him & he will always have a special place in my heart, but I can't be in that kind of relationship.

It's toxic. It hurts not only me, but him. He gets hurt in the process because I always end up retaliating or leaving. Maybe it should end. Maybe that's for the best.

And Railin is the other thought. He's been there since the beginning. We've been friends since we were in diapers. My dad is best friends with his father so naturally we had play dates and stuff like that.

Even after our dads were arrested back when we were seven Railin's mom kept inviting me over for play dates.

He probably knows me better than anyone. He knows all my secrets. His undying friendship, loyalty, kindness, & respect are some of the things that have kept me going.

He hasn't hurt me excluding the car incident, but that was as destructive as Darin.

He always thinks of my feelings. He never disregards me or thinks I'll get over it. He does love me.

I love him too, but not in the same way. More in a brotherly, best friend way. I've just wondered, what if. What if we get together? What will happen? Will I fall in love with him? I love him, but I'm not in love with him. If only I could....

"Good morning beautiful." Mason says as he strides into the kitchen & wraps his arms around me from behind. He kisses my forehead gently & I forget all thoughts of Darin & Railin.

I smile at him warmly, so genuinely happy that he is finally here and I can resume my honeymoon type feeling of euphoria.

"How did you sleep?" I ask with a smirk as I turn to him.