Fly Away To Chicago (Completed)

Chapter Sixteen- What Now?

Dammit! Why? Why did I let him kiss me? I kinda like him, but I don't want to be with him! He's an asshole, sometimes. Still I just can't fucking believe myself.

What is wrong with me? Bennett has a girlfriend. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. Why do I fall for these guys so easily?

I'm just a slut. A complete and total slut. I fuck guys & kiss them & get with different guys all the time. I didn't used to be like this.

I was a good girl, but it all changed in 9th grade. After Kenny and I broke up I felt like I had to prove something to everyone so I went out with a lot of guys. I didn't have sex with any of them, though.

After Darin's parents died I just broke. I broke & he put me back together before breaking me again and again.

I thought I'd be ok, but I wasn't. I was worse than before & now I've cheated on, probably the sweetest guy I'll ever fucking meet.

It might be a fake relationship, but I still feel shitty. No matter how great that little kiss was.

I have too many guys to think about right now to worry about Bennett anyway. There's Darin & Railin & Mason & Tyler. What the fuck am I doing?! I just have to pick one after I figure it all out.

If I can forgive Darin. If I can reconnect with Railin. If I can get Tyler to forgive me. & if I can find a way to forgive myself for what I did to Mason.

There isn't any room for Bennett. I have to sort through these guys, not add more. I really like him, but I can't. He's not mine, he's Grace's.

She'd hate me if she knew. No she'd probably murder me & throw me in a ditch somewhere to rot because that's what I deserve. To rot in a whole while my family grieves over me, but can never find my body.

God why? I like grace. I want to be her friend. Now I've ruined it. I'll either blurt it out and the wrong moment or feel like a guilty whore every time we hang out.

Why did I do it? Why did I like it so much? It was a 5 second kiss for crying out loud!!!!

With a huff I pull in the yoga pants & slip back into my shoes. Then I grab my leggings & head back to the car.

Oh no. I can't look at him right now. I feel like shit and seeing his beautiful, beautiful face will make it worse. Please god help me!!

I avert my eyes & throw my pants inside as he waits patiently to lock the car.

As I lean into the car my sweater pulls forward exposing my yoga pants booty. I feel his piercing gaze trained on my exposed ass. It makes me uncomfortable so I hurriedly put the pants in a climb out.

God dude. Can't you be subtle?

He gives me a small smile before we walk back in, staying at least 5 feet apart. He holds open the door for me, like a gentleman, & it's really sweet.

I smile at him & walk in before saying fuck it & running back in the theatre.

We missed 25 minutes of the movie!!!!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

As I climb the steps to rejoin Grace & Mason I'm panting from running.

Oh I'm out of shape. It's ok though. It's not like I'm going to the gym so fuck the haters.

I smile at Mason before plopping next to him and cuddling once more.