No Good For You

three

Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell
Tuesday, November 20th, 2018
Los Angeles, CA

I scroll through Instagram on my bed with my childhood best friend Zoe, next to me. I have a day off before I get into my busy schedule with press and working on my album. I can't ever seem to have a day to relax but when I do, I take advantage of it.

"You ever wonder what the purpose of a fart is?" I ask looking over at Zoe before we bust into a fit of laughter. "But no, honestly, what is the purpose?"

"I read someone say it was air bubbles or something like that from when you eat. Like a burp."

"But what does it do?" I sit up and look at her. She shrugs and pulls out her phone, I assume to google it.

"So basically, like I said. It comes from air that's being ingested when you're eating or when your food is being broken down. And the reason why it stinks is because of the hydrogen sulfide."

"The human body is weird." I mumble laying back down to scroll through my feed. I like a few posts of cars, posts my fans made and the cutest turtle I've ever seen.

"How was Camp Flog Gnaw?" I lock my phone and put it beside me. I stare up at the ceiling and picture the experience I had.

"It honestly freaked me the fuck out. I would've never thought I'd be playing there after experiencing it before all this shit. It's fucking insane."

"I can't imagine. You deserve this shit though." She says turning her body so she's laying on her back.

"Do I though? Like I always think, 'why me?' What did I do to deserve this shit?" I vent shaking my head in amazement. I cried for this shit, I actually went their as a fan and I can't even believe it. Not in a million years would I think I would be playing at Camp Flog Gnaw. It was such a beautiful experience and it honestly made me nervous, which never happens to me.

"You do. You and Finneas both work your asses off for this." We do, we work day in and day out did what we have now. "Oh yeah, how's everything going with you and that guy?" I groan knowing exactly who she's talking about. I met this guy at a party who asked me out on a date and I went, but I was not feeling his ass at all. He was an attractive guy but he couldn't keep up with conversation and he was a fucking bozo.

"Nothing's going. He wasn't my type." I shrug and play with my many rings.

"What happened to trying girls out?" She questions earning an eye roll in response. Zoe has pushed me to try girls since I had experienced with one on my last tour. There was a beautiful girl, named Camille who was apart of the road crew in our Europe leg, we had made out and hung out when I wasn't busy. Being with her made me realize my attraction for girls but still confused me.

"Just because I made out a few times with Camille doesn't mean I want to date girls now." I struggle with figuring out what I want and adding the Camille drama honestly added so much more confusion. I had been back and forth with a guy before I met Camille. I felt like I was deeply in love with him but he didn't feel the same. I wanted to get serious with him despite my busy schedule and he only wanted sex, I gave myself to him for nothing in return. I give and give myself until there's nothing left.

"There's no harm in experimenting Bil. You never know what you're ready for. You confuse lust with love and it fucks you up every time." She preaches and I smack my lips because she's right. Zoe is always right. "And you have to stop looking for someone, let them come to you."

"I do let people come to me."

"The wrong people." She mutters grabbing my phone beside me and unlocking it. I know she's going to look through my Instagram dms for amusement. I get some wild messages and everytime Zoe gets a chance she likes to read the and tease me about it. I roll over onto my stomach and groan into my pillow. "Who is this?"