No Good For You

nineteen

Sada
December 26th

I woke up to Doja Cat's soft backing vocals in So High. I keep my eyes closed and take a few deep breaths. I utter the words, I am light. I am abundance. I am deserving.

I flutter my eyes open and sit up slowly glancing over my room seeing I'm the only one here. I rub my forehead in slight confusion and sit for a few seconds before standing. I creep out of my room and hear familiar voices laughing. I come around the corner to see my mother and sister laughing with a cup of coffee. Their eyes turn to me and wider smiles cover their faces.

"Goodmorning baby." My mom says and I wave not moving from my spot from the hall.

"You want some coffee Mandi?" Maddy asks and I nod coming over to sit on the couch beside my mother. Maddy gets up and goes into the kitchen.

"Y'all are talking?" I whisper to my mother and she nods with a genuine smile.

"We talked while we cleaned the house this morning. She told me everything and now she'll be moving back home." She says simply and I sigh with relief feeling all my worries wash away.

"That's good. I'm proud of her."

"Everybody left last night saying you fell asleep. Are you doing okay?" My mom asks with concern on her face.

"Yeah, I was just really tired and it was too much weird energy going on last night." I explain as Maddy returns back into the living room and hands me a cup of coffee. "Thank you."

"Yeah I felt the energy last night too but I didn't want to ruin your time with your friends."

"I kinda felt it too." Maddy chimes in and that makes me smile a little. One thing my mother did get to teach Maddy was feeling energies and knowing how to differentiate good from bad.

"It could've just been all the tension we had because I don't feel it anymore. I feel relaxed." My mom says making me and my sister nod agreeing.

"Mommy told me you're moving back?" I say to Maddy and she nods with a small smile.

"Yeah, the conversation we had last night made me realize how much I need y'all. I apologized to Mommy for everything and I think it's best to move back. I haven't been engaging in the best of activities at school since I moved away and I feel safe here." She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear  nervously and I frown.

"Activities like what?" I question with my eyebrows furrowed and my mother puts her hand on my shoulder. I look over at her and she shakes her head no. I get up to sit by my sister and I pull her into a hug. "I love you Maddy. I'm glad you're staying." I pull away and kiss her forehead making her smile small.

"I love you too. I'm gonna go lay back down. I'm feeling a little tired." She stands and makes her way into her room, closing the door quietly behind her. I hang my head thinking of how I probably just triggered her with my stupid ass question.

"She'll tell us when she's ready Sada."

"I know. I just feel like I triggered her." I sigh and rub my eyes.

"If she's easily triggered that means it was recent or too traumatic for her to express. Our only job is to help her transition back into our lives." She sips her coffee and I nod in understanding.

Like I've mentioned before, Maddy's been in and out of our lives since our father died. She only comes home on holidays and we spend all of that time trying to get her to come back, so whatever happened to her down there must've pushed her to the limit. I'm pretty sure everything still isn't peachy keen with the three of us but I know we'll be alright. It's what my father would've wanted.