No Good For You

thirty six

Billie
May 2nd
Melbourne, Australia

"When's your graduation?" I walk into the back room to hear my mom on the phone with whoever. I groan at my growling stomach but smile when I spot some fruit. I pile some of my favorite into a plastic bowl. I had just finished a few interviews and honestly wanted to crash.

I had been doing interviews all morning  and I still have a few until my show. I have a very intimate show today, which I'm fucking pumped for. I haven't had a small show like this in a while. It puts a lot into perspective for me. I've been playing huge fucking arenas everywhere, which is amazing but intimate shows like these? An arena would never compare.

Seeing my fan's faces, seeing them sing a
every lyric and having such a small area where we feel close gives me goosebumps almost. I want them to know that I'm right here and shoes like these make that possible.

"I really haven't thought about what I wanted to do." My ears perk up at the familiar voice and I pause my movement. I turn seeing my mom on the phone and I slyly come closer so I can pinpoint that voice.

"You should do something big! Graduation is always a big deal!" My mom beams, not even phased that I'm basically standing over her.

"Mmm.. I don't know Maggie. I don't like so much attention on me. I've been in hermit mode." She laughs and my heart swells when I realize who she's talking to.

Should I say hi? She wouldn't want to talk to me but getting to hear her voice and seeing her face would make my day. She can't even imagine how often I think about her. I've replayed her voice in my mind and to hear it in real time is paralyzing. This is probably the closest I'll ever get to talk to her anyway.

"Mom?" I clear my throat and my mom turns to with a smile. "What should I wear to the sho-" I cut myself off, "I didn't know you were on the phone."

"It's fine sweetie. What were you asking?" She asks and I squint at her through my glasses. She usually tells me who she's talking to.

"Who's that?" I ask with my eyes still squinted. She looks back at her and back to me.

"Sada, Billie." She says after a split of hesitation.

"Hello." I wave into the phone with a nervous smile. Her eyes slightly bug out and I hide my smile. She looked so radiant and as always, she was outside.

"Hi Billie, how are you?" Her light voice flew to my ears, instantly calming me.

"Same old shit." I shrug, biting into the piece of  apple. "How are you?"

"Same old shit." She mocks me with a giggle.

"Call me and enlighten me?" I smirk, licking over my bottom lip.

"Slow your roll lover girl." She chuckles with a smirk similar to mine. "I'm kidding. Maybe I'll ring you up."

"I'll be waiting by the phone." I joke and I hear her laugh before I walk away. I let out a sigh of relief and run my fingers through my hair with a blush on my cheeks.

I miss her more and more everyday. I bite the inside of my cheek and plop on the couch across from my mom. I open my phone and aimlessly scroll through instagram, ignoring the thousands of notifications. I scroll past a video of a girl pole dancing and tilt my head to the side in amazement.

"What a beautiful technique." I lick over my lips and bite my bottom lip. My trance was shortly broken by a Facetime from Brandon. He's been really working my last nerve the past few days. I roll my eyes and slide the bar over. My attitude melting away once I get a look at him.