So yeah, i fixed my laptop woo, heres the next chapter, i hope you guys like it and sorry for the wait :3
This chapter contains self harm so please don't read it if you'll get triggered, stay safeeee
Chapter 5
I woke up cuddling into a pillow; I guess Luke left last night. I got up and took a shower, I love showers, and it’s one of the best times to think about life. I began to think about why Ashton didn’t allow me to have twitter, I mean, Facebook and instagram are just like it, right?
I got out of the shower and grabbed some clothes, leggings, again haha, and an over sized purple hoodie that said ‘Scotland’ across it. This was my all time favourite hoodie! I straightened my hair and upsized my stretcher as I have had a 3mm in for a while now. I went downstairs to see the boys.
“Good morning, Emma, we spoke to Doctor Scott this morning who gave you a special diet to help you gain weight and we booked you with a therapist who will see you once a month to talk about your problems!” Ashton stated over excitedly
“Yay” I replied, not amused. How dare he talk to a Doctor without even talking to me about it first, ugh, I am so angry with him!
“So first you have to eat 3 meals a day and this special drink to help you gain weight with every meal too!”
“Do I really have to Ash?” I asked, giving him my best puppy dog eyes.
“Yes Em, I really want you to get better.” He said seriously. Screw him.
“Okay, but I'm telling you now that people have tried to get me better before and it’s never worked.” This wasn’t a complete lie, people have tried to get me help for my self harm before but it’s never worked.
“Well, we are going to try again and maybe this time you might get better!” he was still grinning at me like this was the best thing in the world.
I sat down and began to eat my buttered toast and bowl of cereal, knowing it was going to have to stay down this time. Ashton handed me a protein drink which makes me gain weight, I had to drink 3 a day for 2 months and let me tell you, it will be a long 2 months!
“We’re going back on tour tomorrow, 3 weeks left just touring Australia then we’ve finished okay?” Michael looked at me waiting for my answer,
“Sure thing, Mikey” I had finished my breakfast and started to walk upstairs when I realized Ashton was following me. I turned to look at him and he looked concerned?
“You aren’t going to, you know...”
“Ashton, you can trust me okay? I said I won’t and so I won’t okay?”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He smiled and nodded before returning to the boys downstairs. I didn’t want to break his trust but I knew it was going to take a lot of effort to stop me.
I walked into my room and turned on my laptop and opened up YouTube. Music always helps. I clicked on my favourite song that I only found last night, ‘Angel with a shotgun’, I actually loved this song. I stated singing along
“I’m an angel with a shotgun, fight until the war’s won, I don’t care if heaven won’t take me back! I’ll throw away my faith babe, just to keep you safe; don’t you know you’re everything I have?” I truly love this song, oh my god.
The food inside me was really annoying me and I felt gross. Why did I have to promise him? Ugh. I knew exactly what to do; I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner. I grabbed my blade out of the third drawer down and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the shower, in case the boys worry as to why I'm in here, and ran the cold blade over my skin, making me crave it more. I finally pushed down and dragged it across my wrist. The pain was amazing. I know how awful that sounds, but it is. ‘I'm jealous of the blood that leaks from my wounds because it has a way to escape this body when I never will.’ The quote I had read last night came back to me as I watched the blood wash away under the tap. It’s true. I’m so jealous watching it wash away. It has such an easy escape from this world which I wish I had had many months ago. But I'm stronger now, I don’t want to leave now, these boys made that desire to leave turn into a desire to get better, and I couldn’t thank them enough for that. I admit some days I go back to that though and think about how much easier it would be to die, leave this cruel world, but where’s the fun in that? Life’s about risk and that’s all I need to remember to help me through bad days. Taking the risk and living life will pay off and I know it will.
I washed my arm and unrolled my sleeve. I immediately regretted my bad decision. I went back into my room and thought about ways I could take my mind of the regret I feel. That’s when the idea came to me. I knew this was a risk but you know the saying.
Life’s all about risk.
~~~~~~~
Ooooo, cliff hanger xD what's she gonna do???? this chapter took forever to write cause i had so many different ideas xD hope you loved ittt
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