Chapter 13
A/N I forgot to say in the last chapter that the tour has now finished and they’re back home XD
sorry i havent updated in like years but ive had so much school work and ive been so stressed with friends and stuff! hope you love it though! i might start a new book, what do you guys think??? anyway, enjoy!
*TRIGGER WARNING*
Emma’s POV
I’m dreading today. Today is my first day of therapy and I really don’t want to go. I'm getting better! So why do I need therapy?! There’s only one thing that’s making me happy today and that is that I’ve started a new diet and it’s showing good results! I can finally see my collar bones!
“Emma! Let’s go! We’ll be late!” I heard Ashton calling me from downstairs; I quickly washed the fresh blood off my wrist and covered the cuts with bracelets before running downstairs and into the car. It was just me and Ashton as the other boys felt I needed space for my first time at the therapists. I was thankful for their concern but to be honest, I don’t know why they’re concerned, it’s not like I'm actually going to talk to this therapist person.
When I arrived at the therapist office, I walked in slowly with Ashton right beside me the entire time. I understood that he wouldn’t be allowed to accompany me into the office, but him being here now feel reassuring.
After half an hour of waiting, I heard my name finally being called. I lifted my head and look at the nurse who was smiling back at me. I gave a small reassuring smile to Ashton and followed the nurse down the corridor and off into a separate room.
“Hi Emma, my name’s Cecilia and I’ll be you're therapist for a while!” she beamed at me, while I gave a small, weak smile. I sat down in the chair she indicated me with and started talking about random things she was going to test me for before we start to cure me. I didn’t pay attention to what she was saying until she told me to follow her and we left the room. I saw Ashton to the right of the door and gave him a sad look before following the therapist in the other direction.
After all of the tests she insisted I took, I waited with Ash for the results. About an hour later she came back and told me to follow her once again. I did so and returned in the room where I had started. She proceeded to list off the mental illness that had tested positive. It was a long list. So far, I had tested positive for anxiety, bipolar disorder, bulimia, depression, self harm addict, social anxiety, mood disorder and nightmare disorder. I didn’t really care. I didn’t answer when she asked me how I felt about it because to be honest, I didn’t know how I felt about it. That was a lot of disorders for one person to have. The next question struck me like a ton of bricks. I have never had anyone ask me that before.
“When you're alone, are you really alone?”
Not many people would have understood that question, but I knew exactly what she meant. I shook my head. She started to write things down very quickly, firing questions my way which went straight over my head. Then another one struck me.
“Who is with you?”
How do I answer that? How do I tell them I talk to my parents when I'm alone, I pretend they are still with me, I act like they didn’t abandon me, I act like I'm a normal kid in a normal family, with nothing wrong with me. I know I'm insane for thinking that because how could I be normal? No one is normal. What even is normal? People try to act ‘normal’ or live a ‘normal’ life. But what is the definition of normal? There is none, no one is normal. Everyone tries to live up to this image they have of being ‘normal.’ But their image of ‘normal’ is surreal because there is no ‘normal’ if everyone was a ‘normal’ then we would all be the same yet each of one of us are very different. No one is the same, everyone is unique. If everyone was ‘normal’ the world would be a very boring place. There would be no celebrities, no homeless people, no fucked up people like me... then it hit me how I'm wasting my life away. I don’t want to be this person forever. I want to get better and being here today is the first step and so I walked out of the therapist’s office with a huge smile on my face. A real one. One that hasn’t existed in years but should’ve been there every day because no matter what happens in my life, I know that with the help of the boys, I can fight it and I can overcome it. But without these 4 guys, I wouldn’t be here today; I know that much for certain.
I walked up to Ashton, confidently, knowing that I'm here for a reason. He looked the happiest id seen him since I moved in with them and that only made my smile grow. I want to make him the proudest dad ever!
“Good session then?” he asked with a smile.
“Defiantly, I'm going to fight, Ash, I'm going to get better for you, Laura, the boys and my parents.”
“Your parents?”
He looked a little shocked when I said for my parents, and I'm not surprised. Why would anyone want to get better for the people who got them sick? Well, I want to, because I know that somewhere in their cold hearts, they do love me, at least once, maybe many years ago. But at some point, they loved me, and would’ve wanted me to be happy, and I'm going to get better for the parents I remember they once were. I know they grew cold towards me, and hateful, but they weren’t always like and sure, doesn’t everyone make mistakes? Yes, I guess some are bigger than others, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be forgiven, right?
“Yes, they didn’t always hate me Ash.”
He still looked confused but didn’t continue on the subject while I was in such a happy mood. Smart lad.
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Let me know what you think and if i should start a new book!
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