Over 100 reads! i can't thank you guys enough, thiis chapter is for "fanreads14" she's an amazing writer, hope you guys enjoy!
Chapter 8
“Yeah?” How did she know me? I didn’t know her...
“Oh my god it’s so good to finally meet you! I’m Laura, Ashton’s girlfriend” she gushed, excitedly. I never knew Ashton had a girlfriend... I wonder if the other boys know.
She showed me back to the dressing room. This girl does not shut up, I love her! We were talking about Ashton and she was telling me how they meet.
“I was a winner of a contest to meet them back stage at one of their shows” she told me, “I was a Luke girl before a meet them, but seeing Ashton and talking to him, I knew he was my type of guy. I couldn’t believe it when he asked me to hang out some time. We exchanged numbers and went from there really. So how about you then?”
“What?” I asked, clearly confused by her question.
“Well how did you end up with the boys, I mean, I know they adopted you but how did you end up in the orphanage?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell people yet, I haven’t even told the boys.” I replied, nervously. The boys had never asked me that before, they saw it as my choice to tell them when I was ready.
“It’s okay, I knew you hadn’t told them, but I'm always here if you need me. We just met, I know that, but Ashton’s told me loads about you and I know how sweet you are, and I know we’ll get along great!” her smile could literally brighten anyone’s day. It was huge and adorable; no wonder Ashton likes her so much.
I guess it would be good to tell someone...
“Laura?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I tell you? I've never told anyone before and it haunts me. Maybe telling someone will help me, I know I can trust you and we’ll be great friends...”
“Yes! Of course you can! I'm studying psychology and it might help me with my course, I could try to help you and stuff!” she sounded so excited while I sounded so dull.
“Well here goes nothing,” I sighed and smiled, before being my long talk. “I don’t know how to start this.” I looked down, embarrassed.
“Well answer this and then it might flow from there. What does depression mean to you?”
“Depression,
What is depression? Some people think it’s being sad. But is it? No, it’s not just being sad. Depression is feeling numb, like every day is a struggle, everyday is hard. For me, depression has taken my life. Stole it in the night. It’s gone, and won’t come back. And now I'm left with this feeling. A feeling of hopelessness and despair. I walk around feeling numb. Like I have no soul. Is that what life is about? How can I be who I want to be if I can’t really live life? I can’t enjoy any moments because I can’t feel them. I can only feel numbness and urges. Bad urges. Urges that control my life, my skin, me. Urges make me cut, throw up my food. Food that I once enjoyed. But that feeling of enjoyment is long gone. Gone are the days of happiness and feeling loved. Gone are the days of hopes and dreams. Gone is my life. Gone is one of the many words to describe how I feel. Along with lost, numb, broken. I’ve gone too far down a broken road to repair it. Much like my scared skin. I can’t turn back. My scars are here to stay. My depression is here to stay. I've forgotten happiness. I've forgotten love, and to be loved. I've forgotten friendships and fun. I've forgotten how to live because my world is so consumed in a darkness, and numbness. I can escape it because I made it. I chose this life. Or so it seems. But did I? Did I choose to feel nothing? No pain when I damage myself? No feeling of self hate? So much so that it’s come to the point where I destroy my own body to feel slightly happier? My own body will love me more than anyone ever will, It never lets me down, yet I feel the need to destroy it? That's depression. That’s what it feels like to be depressed. It feels numb. Nothing but numb. So where did my life go? The one I long and yearn for day after day. Well you see. It never left. It just changed. So now, gone are the hopes of finding my life, my soul, because I never lost them, they changed and will never return to their old selves. Much like I will never be the person I once was before. No matter how many years pass, I will always have these scars to remind me of depression, of darkness, of numbness. The past can never be changed or forgotten, only learned from. But how can someone learn from numbness? You don’t. You never recover. You will always be left with a numb feeling that comes back in moments of panic, distress and sadness. You can enjoy some parts of life again, but no one ever fully recovers from depression. Because it is always there, never leaving, no matter how hard you try to push it away, it stays, lurking in the darkness in your head, in the numbness in your head, only to return to haunt you, and remind you, of numb.”
“Wow...” I looked up at her to see a tear rolling down her face.
“No, don’t cry, I didn’t mean to upset you...”
“That was so deep Emma, it was really amazing that you can let out all that to me, can you tell me anything else?”
The rest of the conversation was spent talking to Laura, getting a lot of feelings out. Our conversation lasted another 30 minutes before the boys came back after their performance. Ashton came in first and Laura ran to hug and kiss him, his smile became brighter until the Luke cleared his throat and Ashton turned to them, frowning.
“Um yeah, guys, this is Laura, my, um, girlfriend.”
“Hi Laura, Ashton forgot to tell us he had a girlfriend.” Calum sounded stern, and then burst out laughing after seeing Ashton expression of fear.
“Ash, don’t worry, man, we aren’t mad” Michael laughed along with Luke and Calum. Ashton seemed to relax a lot after this.
“I love her Ash! She’s amazing!”
“Really? That’s amazing, Em, how did yous meet?”
“Well Emma was lost so I showed her back here and we talked for hours.”
“Well time for bed Emma, come on.” I followed Ashton back to the tour bus and climbed into my bunk.
“Do you really like her?” he asked me, “yeah Ash or, dad...” I looked down, I wanted to call him dad from the start but it didn’t seem right until now, he really was like a dad to me, unlike my last one, it’s time. “Wow, you called me dad...” he had a single tear running down his cheek, awww “yeah, I did, you’re like a proper dad, not like the last one.”
“What happened with your last one Em?”
“When I was 10...”
~~~~~~~~
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adopted by them?! / 5SOS Fanfiction
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